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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to change DD's childcare because of this comment?

361 replies

katherinelilyflower · 05/12/2013 21:15

DD is 12 months old this month and has been with her childminder 5 days a week since she was 7 months. I am the first to admit I can be defensive about this, which is why I want to check on here first before doing anything hasty.

DC2 is due in March. Originally I'd been going to start maternity leave in February but I've been unwell so won't be going back now after the Christmas holidays (2 weeks.) I told DD's childminder about this, and she was chatting to me for a while about my plans, and I forget the exact nature of the conversation but the gist was that I'd be taking 12 months for maternity, this going back to work January 2015 when DC2 will be 10 months.

So, you'll be putting another baby of less than a year old with me five days a week, will you?

was the comment.

So - MN jury - AIBU?

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 05/12/2013 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarsUponThars · 05/12/2013 21:18

Maybe she was just trying to ascertain how many days per week, and for what age of child, you would need a space for? I doubt she was being judgemental about a service that you need, and that she provides.

Monetbyhimself · 05/12/2013 21:18

Ouch .

BUT is there any chance she was referring to her babychild ratios ?

Sparklymommy · 05/12/2013 21:18

Hmmm...

I think she could be thinking ahead. Sounds judgey to me though. Perhaps would need more info.

TheArticFunky · 05/12/2013 21:18

Wow!

Don't jump ship straight away. If your dd is settled you don't want to move her on the basis of an off the cuff comment.

I would raise it with the childminder. Tell her that you were a little upset and ask for clarification. People get away with spouting nonsense because we let them get away with it.

Aeroaddict · 05/12/2013 21:19

Unless there is more to it, YABU. That comment was a statement of fact, not a judgement, unless there was something about the way it was said?

BrianButterfield · 05/12/2013 21:19

Aren't the ratios different for under-1s? Maybe that was all she wanted to clarify.

Jollyb · 05/12/2013 21:19

Are you are you're not projecting?

JaneFonda · 05/12/2013 21:19

Hard to say without knowing the tone of voice, although I would agree with Stars - it's unlikely that she's being judgemental.

I'd say it's more likely that she's over the moon to have some more money from you with another DC to look after!

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 05/12/2013 21:20

Had you discussed extra payment prior to this?

JRmumma · 05/12/2013 21:20

Sounds snotty to me.

purple15 · 05/12/2013 21:20

definately the ratios
she is only allowed one baby under 12 months

Velvetbee · 05/12/2013 21:21

Sounds to me like she was planning ahead with regard to ratios and places available.

Ifcatshadthumbs · 05/12/2013 21:21

Depends on how she said it but my first thought was that she is clarifying ages/days because of ratios? Not sure how it works but I think the number varies depending on age.

However it was very badly worded

Original poster
katherinelilyflower · 05/12/2013 21:21

I probably am projecting, yes.

I did say "excuse me?" slightly pointedly, as I did think her tone of voice was "off" (I accept this could be yet more projection.)

She then said that I was the only "working mum" who had put such a "young baby" (DD) in "five full days a week."

OP posts:
pianodoodle · 05/12/2013 21:22

Seems unlikely it she was being judgemental given that she was happy to look after your first baby.

Maybe she was just thinking out loud or maybe she just wanted to ascertain the workload she'd have?

Hard to tell - I can read the phrase in two different tones of voice and take a different meaning from it each time!

Ifcatshadthumbs · 05/12/2013 21:23

Oh well in light of her response to you I would feel abit pissed off. She can't take your money and be Hmm at your choices.

Edenviolet · 05/12/2013 21:23

My DM used to childmind and could only have one baby under 12 months so it sounds as though your cm may just be planning ahead.

waltermittymissus · 05/12/2013 21:24

Depends on the tone.

You say you feel "defensive" so could you be seeing things that aren't there?

Original poster
katherinelilyflower · 05/12/2013 21:24

I don't know how she felt about it piano! This is the issue - I am now wondering if all along she has been curling her lip at heartless me and my poor baby, now to be babies!

Who knows, however, I do feel very uncomfortable about it.

OP posts:
legoplayingmumsunite · 05/12/2013 21:25

Well it might well be about ratios but since your DD will be over one by the time you need childcare for DC2 it does sound a bit off.

ImAnElfJeSuisUneElf · 05/12/2013 21:25

I think it's maybe a mix, she's not thought through what's she's saying, and you've taken it to heart because you already feel emotional about it?

waltermittymissus · 05/12/2013 21:25

But, the thing is, she's only stating facts.

You're obviously the only mum she has putting a baby that young in.

I'm sure it's not a judgement, just a statement of fact!

lilyaldrin · 05/12/2013 21:26

With the follow-up comment as well, it does sound pretty judgey.

How happy are you with the care she provides? Is your DD happy there?

Original poster
katherinelilyflower · 05/12/2013 21:26

It's all very well saying that she can only have one baby under 12 months.

However, DD is now 12 months and it will be another year before I will need childcare. She could accept another baby in that time, easily, and be unable to have my DC2 then anyway. If it was in the next month, possibly, but a year away?

I really think she was sneering at my lifestyle choice.

OP posts:
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