to change DD's childcare because of this comment?

[katherinelilyflower]

DD is 12 months old this month and has been with her childminder 5 days a week since she was 7 months. I am the first to admit I can be defensive about this, which is why I want to check on here first before doing anything hasty.

DC2 is due in March. Originally I'd been going to start maternity leave in February but I've been unwell so won't be going back now after the Christmas holidays (2 weeks.) I told DD's childminder about this, and she was chatting to me for a while about my plans, and I forget the exact nature of the conversation but the gist was that I'd be taking 12 months for maternity, this going back to work January 2015 when DC2 will be 10 months.

So, you'll be putting another baby of less than a year old with me five days a week, will you?

was the comment.

So - MN jury - AIBU?

As a sahm I see plenty of babies with childminders & it's not nice.
Having to hear them crying inconsolably because they want their mummy

Oh get lost...and people wonder why there is a SAHM versus working Mum divide on here at times eh!

OP get shut of her. She has clearly overstepped the boundary - my DS's first childminder was like this and made me feel uncomfortable in my choices. I got shut when boy was 2.5 and only held on that long because she was convenient for work. As soon as he was due to go to nursery near home, we moved him. It was the best thing we ever did. The second childminder is still a personal friend (DS now 17).

Retro - the dog was nowhere near the house, it was in the car, DH was getting out of the car when she shrieked across to him. He was put out because, as he said, it made it sound as if the Hound of the Baskervilles was slobbering at her window when actually our Lab was just glancing out of the back seat - hardly imminent danger!

Any hoo I've given you my opinion which you clearly didn't actually want.

Ignore if you so wish.

Bed is calling for me.

You're right, Retro, I didn't actually want your opinion because I think you're talking complete shit.

I'm sure I shall get deleted for that, but while I'm happy to be told I am BU, I'd sooner it came from people with half a brain in their head.

I've left my DC at nursery when I was a SAHM and also now when I'm back at work. The nursery staff have been nothing but professional towards me and loving towards my kids. If they personally revile my choices then they have had the courtesy to not let me guess it. That, I think, is what has upset the op - feel free to correct me on this op - the lowering of that professional face and expression of a fairly abrasive opinion (considering the circumstances).

Don't feed the trolls op :)

Well I have an early years degree alongside several years experience as a primary teacher so I do have half a brain thanks.You seem to have rather a low opinion of childminders which speaks volumes.

Any hoo you sound slightly unhinged and clearly didn't actually want opinions just your choices supported so I'll toddle off to bed.

Katherine,

Yes, I absolutely understand that. Like I don't mind my hairdresser thinking privately that I should dye my hair and wear makeup, but I would absolutely hate her to voice that opinion to my face while cutting my hair.

I suppose I was also thinking that having that type of opinion [and I was meaning 'oh, this baby is so lovely, it's a shame they're here all day rather than with their mum' as the type of opinion I meant] as a result of being child centred is not a 'bad thing' in itself, like wanting to beautify and primp is not a bad trait in a hardresser. But there are times and places to exprwss it, I entirely agree!

OP, it sounds like you've made a decision now.

Have you given your current CM notice? Ours was always a month so get it in ASAP if you haven't.

Also the nurseries around here are always very full, so it'd be worth getting both of your dc's names (or at least babyflower if dc2's name isn't yet known!) down on a couple of nurseries books as soon as you possibly can, especially if you need full time places.

FWIW, ours went to a nursery until they started their 1/2 days in school when we had to swap to CM's. We never had any cause for concern or complaint with the nursery, but had so many problems with CMers that in the end I took a lower grade of job to be able to work more flexibly around school hours now that our dc are full time in school.

Good luck with everything.

OP, just to reassure you, that Retro is talking bollocks I mentioned that DD's childminder has become a really good friend but I also mentioned DS was not with her.

DS actually had 4 childminders before he started school:
#1 was lovely and he was with her for 18 months until we moved away,
#2 was also fabulous and he was with her for 14 months until she moved away,
#3 and 4 were childminding partners (turned out to be a couple) and he (and DD) was with them for almost 7 months until they fucked off and left me in the lurch, just a smidge of a back story but 5 years later and I'm not still bitter lol

He is now 9 and does not remember any of them! He was never "wrenched" away from any of them!

Retropear you sound an awful lot like the Op's CM. You know, judgy, insulting, lack of empathy, and frankly like your shit doesn't smell.

But thanks for coming on this thread to show us that the OP is probably right and her CM is a bit of a cunt. You've proven CMs like that can exist.

I would find a new Childcare provider. Not because of what she said about minding your young baby though, I'd find a new CC provider because you don't actually like her, and I really don't think you should leave your children with someone who you don't like.

That would be the issue for me.

As for the attachments, your dd has only known the CM for 3 months and won't see her again for a year, don't worry about it - I'm pretty sure attachments aren't generally that strong with that time frame.

Retro the OP clearly doesn't have a low opinion of CM's per se, otherwise she'd never have placed her DC with one in the first place. She just, understandably, perhaps now has a low opinion of this particular child minder, caused by the CM herself.

Her DD has been with this CM for a mere five months. After a year at home on maternity with her DM and new sibling, she won't even recall this woman. Probably just as well, given the CM's uncalled for judgemental comments.

Hopefully OP will have a lovely year with her two dc and be more satisfied with her next childcare arrangement.

Nevertheless, it is very important for a child's development to form secure attachments with a trusted adult and therefore not to change to frequently as this could really mess children up.

Retro - so you're now no longer a cm - so when you stopped working as one did you just hand your mindees parents notice and sack them off as you didn't fancy it anymore?

Just as childcare workers aren't bound to their mindees until no longer needed (so are free to changw carreer etc ) parents are not obliged to put up with shit service from their childcare service providers.

Childcare is a very personal choice...I am a CM and have looked after babies from the youngest weeks old ...The younger the come the less stressful it seems to be for the child, pre 6 months tend to just accept they are somewhere else...

The thing about leaving your children is it has to provide what you want from childcare and feel happy your child is in the best place in your opinion,

You seen to have decided you are leaving this setting ...To be fair I doubt she would have two spaces in a years time.. I can say I have had parents who I personally question their lifestyle choices others I strongly support... I don't necessarily share these opinions..

Quite agree Maddening however op hasn't mentioned shit service simply the minder slighted her dog and made a comment she didn't like.

If the op's child was unhappy or the provision was poor I could understand pulling her child out but that wasn't the issue.By all accounts her child is happy and settled.

Oh and re my mindees they all started school,I gave a years notice before and decided to not take on anymore(even though I was continuously inundated) in the meantime in order to not mess any family around.

As others have said any childminder Good or Outstanding with great facilities as mentioned will be snapped up anyway.

I would be horrified that a childminder would share her personal opinions tbh.

I have been a childminder for 13 years and wouldn't dream of commenting on the patents lifestyle choices. And I wouldn't leave my child with one who did. Patenting decisions are hard enough without the people supporting us judging our motives.

And retropear your comments are the sort that gives childminders a bad name!

YANBU to feel slightly, it does sound like she was making a judgement but I think you'd mad to change an otherwise decent childcare provider.

*slighted not slightly!

Totally agree about comments re Retropear. I had lovely a lovely CM and another who thought she was a better mummy than all of the mothers that left their charges with her. Needing childcare is a necessity and having a minder who is dismissive and judgemental of parents is really really unhelpful and panders to the CM need to feel superior rather than the need to care for a child.

My DC had multiple carers OP. Me, GPs, nursery, childminder and you know what...they grew up mature, confident and well adjusted.

Amazing eh? You think they'd be rocking in a corner needing counselling when you read some posts on here.

Really how?

I wouldn't share all views although if behaviour impacted on my setting,benefitted the child I would which re the op in this instance wasn't the case.

All childcare professionals have all sorts of views which they shouldn't share however they may well still be there.They're all professionals with a love of children so it would never impact on their job.Visit any staff room after parents evening,even teachers have views.I'm sure my kid's teachers have views aplenty about me but I'm 100% sure they are professional about it on the job.

However the op asked a question re whether she should take her child out.I answered it,I don't.

Op would be cutting off her nose to spite her face and causing unnecessary upset for a toddler.

If op wanted sympathy and not an opinion re taking her child out she should have asked for that in chat.

To be honest I took 3 years off with dc1. A lot of that was at mother and toddler groups with childminders who saw fit to discuss often how they would never leave their own kids and by implication that they were intrinsically better parents than workin mothers. I went back to work when dd was 1 and put them both in full time nursery.

I feel very sorry for working mothers these days - you can't do right for doing wrong. In my day mat leave was 26 weeks maximum, unpaid and the 26 weeks included the 4-6 weeks compulsory prior to the birth.

If you were returning to work, your baby was in childcare from six months at the latest and often from three months. I know plenty of women who were back at work full time from 6 weeks. The over generous mat leave provisions we have today have created the unintended consequence of setting mother against mother in the SAHM vs WOHM debate.

FWIW when interviewing CMs for DS1, I found most of them to be extremely judgy - I was 23 and working full time. In those days, there were no inspections or Ofsted, just generally some SAHM in the village who fancied earning a bit of extra cash. My god did they look down their noses.

Sack her off OP and think again. YOU decide what's best for your DCs.

Well it's clear, I'd say, that the CM doesn't approve.

That, however, doesn't mean she won't do a good job. I've listened to lots of nannies slagging off their employers and their parenting, yet I personally felt they were doing a very good job looking after the children, and was happy to let my own DC go out with the nannies.