to change DD's childcare because of this comment?

[katherinelilyflower]

DD is 12 months old this month and has been with her childminder 5 days a week since she was 7 months. I am the first to admit I can be defensive about this, which is why I want to check on here first before doing anything hasty.

DC2 is due in March. Originally I'd been going to start maternity leave in February but I've been unwell so won't be going back now after the Christmas holidays (2 weeks.) I told DD's childminder about this, and she was chatting to me for a while about my plans, and I forget the exact nature of the conversation but the gist was that I'd be taking 12 months for maternity, this going back to work January 2015 when DC2 will be 10 months.

So, you'll be putting another baby of less than a year old with me five days a week, will you?

was the comment.

So - MN jury - AIBU?

You are NOT being unreasonable, and that is also why I always prefered a nursery to a CM

My 22 month old DD goes full time, 5 days a week to nursery, and has been going since she was 8/9 months old.

She loves it, she has her friends, and gets on well with the staff. and it has not affected our relationship. mummy is mummy, nursery is nursery. we still bf at home and at nursery she is happy to take beakers of milk and nap without the boob...

we only had ONE meltdown on drop off and usually she runs to hug the staff and comes back to hug daddy (who does drop off so I can pick her up earlier)

when still on maternity leave i used to go to a nursery rhyme session at the library and it was full of CMs letting the kids run riot hitting the smaller ones with toys while they sat at the back and chatted away to other CMs. I definitely would not choose a CM for my child... home environment? pah! she gets the home environment at home.

You don't warm to her as a person?

I wouldn't leave my babies with someone who I couldn't feel warm about, and her comments are unnecessarily judgmental.
Why don't you look into getting a day nanny? Then your children can be in their own home environment. Probably wouldn't cost much more than 2 in with a childminder.

I think that if you feel uncomfortable then it won't work. It seems you have reservations about using childcare and feel very judged so probably you need to find a nursery or CM who is more gentle. It is important that you feel welcome as well as yur child. It may be though that as your confidence grows that comments like thise of your CM just wash over yu.

"Sahm who fancy a bit of extra cash"

Do you have any idea what the job involves?

Training
Osted infections
Paediatric 1st aid(which all nursery workers don't need to have)
Policies for everything
Risk assessments for everything
Fire plans
Eyfs
Long term,med and short term plans
Observations
Records.........

The list is endless and on a par paperworkwise to teaching.

"Inspections" although infections might not be far wrong.

But why have two babies close in age if your going to let someone else look after them when they can't even walk or talk yet. What is the point.

Yet, it all boils down to how well you come across as a person, and how you maintain your relationships with your clients.....

"But why have two babies close in age if your going to let someone else look after them when they can't even walk or talk yet. What is the point."

Another fine example of why there is such a big divide between working mums and sahms. Amazing how people who have so much love and empathy for their own children have such little compassion and understanding for others who want to have kids.

Not everybody has either high earning husbands, or want to spend a life as a benefit recipient, so why should one not have children when one are able to?

She doesn't sound particularly nice and and if I was you I wouldn't feel comfortable about leaving my children in her care.

If your dd isn't going to see her for a few months she will probably forget about her anyway so when you go back to work it could be a good time to try a nursery.

She's not being off with you. Im a childminder and mums like you are a godsend! she just has to know her numbers especially for under ones. if you're happy with her childcare so far dont lose a good care provider because you feel a bit touchy (understandable in pregnancy)

But why have two babies close in age if your going to let someone else look after them when they can't even walk or talk yet. What is the point.

The majority of men do this and nobody questions whether they should have babies.

Tbf I think the op ad fertility issues ? Which is how I ended up with 3 under 15 months.

I get staying at home may not be for her however there are times when you have to put up with things in the best interest of your children.

Putting up with a bit of judging which in my experience of nurseries exists there too in order to keep continuity during a momentous period for a child is not a big ask.

I'm sure teachers judge me for being a sahm with kids of 10. Couldn't give a stuff.

chocolatemademefat (me too by the way)

She is being off with op.

There are other and much more professional ways of finding out her numbers other than saying "so will you be placing another baby under 12 months with me?"

Such as "When will your new baby join us?" Or at "what age will baby be joining us?"

Anything but a snide remark regards to using childcare for babies.

Why are people being so awful to the op?
Bloody hell. Retro pear and especially the other 2 posters (though I suspect these might be trolls) - remember there is a person with feelings at the other end of the keyboard? Oh, you don't care because THIS is mn Aibu, you can say what you like and posters should put up and shut up, innit?

There are ways and means of disagreeing with someone. Of course people have views, but when it's a sensitive issue such as this, is it really helpful to use emotive language like 'wrench' and a sarcastic 'nice'? I'm angry on your behalf op, ignore them. You've had good advice from others.

She did sound like a sneering arse OP but you're the only one who can decide if you feel strongly enough to move your child. If she is a good childminder in a day to day sense you might on balance decide to leave your LO there.

The whole childcare thing is a nightmare. There is no perfect solution. Being the main carer has disadvantages, child minders have disadvantages, nurseries have disadvantages. It's about picking the solution you feel most comfortable with.

Ww aren't talking about the fathers. We are talking about mothers. Why have a child if you are just going to
Leave with
Someone else for most of its infancy. They are onky babies for a tiny period of time.

Also I looked after a little girl whose mother worked evenings and weekends leaving the poor girl with me or
Elderly grandparents. I did judge the mother sorry to say however this made me loook after the child better and give her more love and affection as I felt sorry for her. She used to cry when I had to go home and she was left with her nan and I felt bad leaving her.

So, veee, are you saying this mum should not have had her child then? Or put her up for adoption?

Ww aren't talking about the fathers. We are talking about mothers. Why have a child if you are just going to
Leave with
Someone else for most of its infancy. They are onky babies for a tiny period of time.

What is the important difference between fathers and mothers in this regard that you seem to be struggling to communicate here?

Many mothers aren't desperate to spend every waking hour with their baby. There are plenty of other reasons to have a child. If your only reason for having a child is loving cwute wittle babies, then I would suggest you don't have children.

Vee - it's rare these days to be able to afford to live on 1 income alone. You also have to think about the future for the children.
Are you saying only the 'comfortably off' should breed? Dangerous ground there ...

I think it is likely that a nursery staffed by younger women, will be more likely to judge you than an older CM. They just won't let onto your face that they judge you.

Quint I'm saying this mum should have thought ahead before getting pregnant or realistically not worked as many hours or got a job which was not evenings or weekends.

I don't have the answers all I know is that the woman thought more about work and money then raising her child. Imo.

I would question whether she is a good childminder. Firstly it seems strange that she thinks being in her care five days a week is such a poor option for the OP's child. Surely if she is good at her job the baby will be perfectly happy with her (perhaps happier than she would be with a mother who didn't enjoy being at home all day with young children). Secondly, she doesn't sound like a particularly nice person considering the fact that she is unpleasant to OP about working full time, dogs etc

Also on her days off she would ask me to look after the child so she could get a pedicure and she didnt do parks.lol.

Vee, and some of the other "childminders" on here seem to be arguing themselves out of jobs! If only the wealthy could have kids, they would not need childminders, or even nurseries!

The welfare state is no longer prepared to pay mothers to stay at home and do nothing much longer.

There's a CM locally to me who judges parents who work, how she gets business I do not know as I'd never want my children to be around someone who holds that opinion, especially when it benefits the CM and without working parents, they wouldn't have a job.