to change DD's childcare because of this comment?

[katherinelilyflower]

DD is 12 months old this month and has been with her childminder 5 days a week since she was 7 months. I am the first to admit I can be defensive about this, which is why I want to check on here first before doing anything hasty.

DC2 is due in March. Originally I'd been going to start maternity leave in February but I've been unwell so won't be going back now after the Christmas holidays (2 weeks.) I told DD's childminder about this, and she was chatting to me for a while about my plans, and I forget the exact nature of the conversation but the gist was that I'd be taking 12 months for maternity, this going back to work January 2015 when DC2 will be 10 months.

So, you'll be putting another baby of less than a year old with me five days a week, will you?

was the comment.

So - MN jury - AIBU?

Whois, I know it was a smartphone/tablet error but my DH and I are pissing ourselves!

OP, I have skimmed through the thread so apologies if this has already been said. Take this opportunity to find alternative child care for when you return to work. Frankly she sounds like a complete judgemental bitch and you seriously don't want someone like that looking after your children.
I had to return to work when DS1 was 16 weeks old, full time. He was fine - is fine. He's now 21 and I can categorically say that he isn't scarred for life and I don't feel guilty at all. When DS2 was born, I had inherited some money but still had to go back full time when he was 6 months old. Both my sons are fine, had happy childhoods and had fantastic care from their (non-judgemental) childminder. Do what feels right for you and your children and quite frankly everyone else can get lost!

Sandra's grotto sounds like a porn film

I do think she meant it nastily. From the first post, I thought she might have just been worried about ratios but from subsequent posts, she probably was judging you and getting a snide dig in. Perhaps she doesn't like taking on babies herself but that's all she had to say isn't it. "Sorry, but I don't think I could cope with another baby" and ask you to look elsewhere.

I rarely see home daycarers here in Australia who are willing to take on under two's for the same reason that they are so much more work, especially if they can fill their other spots easily. They can take on more children if they are over three and, as they set their own fees now, can make more money. Parents nearly always have to find care at a center for their babies if there is no family help. Not quite sure what the mandated ratios are at a center but think it's one carer per five babies under 2 years. Leaving a baby in fulltime care from 12 weeks is quite common. Those carers who do take on babies usually have some specialist degrees which allow them to market themselves as one-on-one care and cost only a bit less than a nanny-share.

OP my DS was with a CM who used to make comments like that all the time to me. When I had my DD last year I took him out. On the odd occasion I mention the cm he has no idea who I'm talking about and even when we saw her in town I had to jog his memory. My point is, that she had no lasting memory on my DS so all my worrying about her negative little comments only worried me and had no effect on him.

We now have a nanny who is self employed sorts out her own tax and NI and is more cost effective than a CM. She is very flexible, does the school pick up and I 100% trust her. Might be worth looking into?

All of my friends work, we all use childcare of some sort and our children ranging from babies to fully grown adults are well balanced and happy.

I LOVE it when people talk about maternal deprivation on these threads because it make them look such like twats. Even a quick google will tell you that there is no credible individual out there who agrees that you can link childcare to Bowlby's theories.

Wow this debate is still frothing along nicely I see :)

Op, really glad you sorted this out and as the CM explanation didn't actually make sense with what she d said, I think it's clear that she was having a nice little dig at your perfectly reasonable family arrangements.

It's interesting how the frothers ignore any of the actual facts involved isn't if? Striking silent when people talk about the structure of society and how our wages and financial systems impact family structure... But lots to say about the poor weetle babies who can't see Sandra's grotto (or something like that anyway!)

Love these threads. 'Why even have children if you're just going to fob them off on a CM/nursery?!?!' frothers especially.

I've just trained nearly two year old DS to fetch my slippers and put them on my feet.

That's why people have children.

Sally, unless your nanny is very very part time and has several other employers, you should probably be paying full PAYE and NI.

In an ideal world would love a nanny, but have never found one that is anywhere near the cost of a CM.

Hop that is brilliant!

If I give two biscuits to my 22 month old I might get lucky to have one delivered...