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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at Grandma's Xmas gift: preening kit for a 3 yr old girl?

239 replies

mamamiaow · 04/12/2013 09:40

Just heard that MIL has bought a Hello Kitty dressing table set for my 3 year old daughter complete with hair straighteners, hairdryer etc. I am angry and upset that my husband said this was ok. I'd rather she spent the money on some books or colouring stuff, not some overpriced plastic tat so my daughter can sit in front of the mirror and preen herself. WTF?

I hate all of this 'pink' shit. I've been going on about the Let Toys Be Toys campaign for months and husband thinks these kinds of gifts are ok for our daughter?!

I read the Girl Guides Girls Attitudes report earlier this week and its findings depress me. Girls anxious about how they look, wearing make up and going on diets when they are 8, judged on their appearance rather than ability...

I think toys like this Hello Kitty thing just perpetuate these problems. I don't want my daughter to have this shit when she's 3. She'll get to all this preening stuff soon enough, without it being rammed down her throat.

I don't think I'll be able to put on a smile and say thanks at Xmas. It goes against all my feminist sensibilities. Husband just thinks let his mum buy what she likes. Should I just put up with it this time and say something to MIL in the New Year? Or just shut up and hope daughter gets bored of it very quickly?

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 04/12/2013 09:41

Nod your head in thanks then hide the present and send to a charity shop?

Or tell her you won;t accept that sort of gift for your daughter?

lalouche · 04/12/2013 09:43

I'm with you all the way, but I reckon you can be secure in knowing that at 3, you are the primary influence on your dd, not your mil. I would smile and nod on Xmas day, then put it in a cupboard and then send it to oxfam soon after Boxing Day.

squeakytoy · 04/12/2013 09:48

And this is the reason why my husbands granddaughter has been given money every year for birthday and xmas.. not because we cant be bothered to put any thought or effort into what THE CHILD MIGHT LIKE.. but because we cant be bothered to run the risk of the childs mother being offended if we get the wrong thing..

Seriously.. let your child have the gift, it is from her grandmother to her.. it isnt going to damage your child in any way..

WilsonFrickett · 04/12/2013 09:49

Smile and nod, then bin it.

(I do hate waste and would normally say regift or send to the charity shop but why should this insidious pink tat be inflicted on another wee girl? Angry)

sonlypuppyfat · 04/12/2013 09:53

I can't believe anyone would think a 3 year old little girl would like to play dress up in front of a mirror what a nightmare. And yes I am being sarcastic.

CoffeeTea103 · 04/12/2013 09:57

Ott much? At 3 it's just fun and something for her to mess around with. No need to make a huge
agenda about this. I'm with your DH and mil with this. You may have issues but your dd may love the gift.

randomquicknamechange · 04/12/2013 09:58

My DD had a set like that for Christmas last year (without the table). When she was 3.
It gets played with a lot, not to make her a preening pretty princess but for role play with her 7 year old brother, first he is the hairdresser and does her hair, then she is the the hairdresser and does his. Exactly the same as they play with their doctor/vet set.

Fakebook · 04/12/2013 10:02

Flipping hell. Poor child.

SaucyJack · 04/12/2013 10:05

As A feminist, I respect my daughters' rights to choose for themselves what to play with even it is pink shite. Your daughter might love it, or she might not. But it's was a present to her, not you, so she should make the call whether it gets binned or not.

AnnBryce · 04/12/2013 10:05

I think your daughter will probably love it, just let her enjoy it!

DoctorRobert · 04/12/2013 10:06

YANBU. I have a nearly 3 yr old DD and feel exactly the same about this, and wouldn't relish that present either.

I don't think it's worth potentially upsetting your MIL over though. Smile, thank, and then give to charity. I would only say something if you are sure she will "get it" - my MIL wouldn't, just a totally different generation (although my own parents understand.)

Ignore the people who are saying you have issues etc - you are completely right, no 3 year old needs to be playing at straightening their hair.

AnnBryce · 04/12/2013 10:06

I would say accepting a gift with good grace is just as important to pass to your daughter.

moldingsunbeams · 04/12/2013 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justforlaughs · 04/12/2013 10:09

I would say accepting a gift with good grace is just as important to pass to your daughter.
This

If you have an issue you should take it up with DH not Mil if she spoke to him about it. Or should she have got YOUR permission before buying her DGD a present?

SomethingkindaOod · 04/12/2013 10:10

I haven't got an issue with something like the present you describe purely because it's role play, not brainwashing. Does your DD watch you dry your hair or get ready for work? That's what she'll copy. She won't automatically start preening herself for a night out! The toy isn't the issue, it's what you encourage her to do with it that counts surely? No toy is responsible for encouraging girls to grow up too soon, it's the influence from those closest to the child that does that IMO.
YABU, it's a plastic toy that will probably get played with half a dozen times and then ignored.

Fairylea · 04/12/2013 10:11

If you become so ott about every pink or glittery gift your dd receives you're just making life hard for yourself. Let her play with it. I have a ds and I'd let him play with it. You're the one making it about gender. It's just a toy.

tinyshinyanddon · 04/12/2013 10:11

Any way you can get mil to give you a gift receipt for it? I have exchanged several crap items from mil. Just say it broke (I'm sure you could arrange for that to happen).

Whyamihere · 04/12/2013 10:13

Hmm, I think I would let dd have had this at three, it can be used for role playing in any number of ways, not just for preening. However I'm afraid I did draw the line when SIL bought dd a makeup set when she was three. That one went away for a few years.

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 04/12/2013 10:13

Its a toy.

My 3 year old sister would love that.

This really is an issue I only see on MN.

allmycats · 04/12/2013 10:15

You should be teaching your daughter about good manners and good grace. Accept the gift in the manner it is intended, don't upset your MIl
and bite your tongue. Are you going to spend her whole life 'vetting' what she is and isn't given ?

mackerella · 04/12/2013 10:15

Apparently it's just harmless fun and the kind of thing any 3-year old would like - nothing to do with reinforcing stereotypes of passive femininity even to toddler girls. So give it to a 3-year old boy of your acquaintance! Wink

namechange74 · 04/12/2013 10:17

I would choose your battles carefully. I don't think it's worth falling out over.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2013 10:17

Rather than focussing on what you want, what about what your daughter wants? It's her present after all. Yabu and ridiculous.

LornaGoon · 04/12/2013 10:18

YANBU. I would ditch the hair straighteners and hair dryer and just let her play with the dressing table (depending what it looked like) - she might like to sit at it and pretend its a desk or something.

I agree with you OP, 3 is far too young to be indoctrinated into the bull crap about preening and polishing yourself, teaching her that is how girls and women spend their time. Why would anyone want to teach a child to 'do' her hair when she's probably just mastering going to the toilet, holding a pencil properly, putting a coat and wellies.

I disagree that this stuff is not influential at this age. My DS (3 yo) has already come home from pre-school declaring he wont play with certain toys or games because they're 'girly'. Gender indoctrination starts very early for both boys and girls. If you want to show your DD that she can have a proverbial 'room of her own' then avoid filling that 'room' with pink grooming tat.

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/12/2013 10:20

mack

That's just it isn't it. If this was going to a boy everyone would think it was great.

As much as I try to avoid stero types and never say no you can't have a "boys toy or top"

I can't understand the mass panic of having a girl that likes to be a girl and use girly things. Some girls do like being girly and do so without any influence from anything.