To be annoyed at Grandma's Xmas gift: preening kit for a 3 yr old girl?

[mamamiaow]

Just heard that MIL has bought a Hello Kitty dressing table set for my 3 year old daughter complete with hair straighteners, hairdryer etc. I am angry and upset that my husband said this was ok. I'd rather she spent the money on some books or colouring stuff, not some overpriced plastic tat so my daughter can sit in front of the mirror and preen herself. WTF?

I hate all of this 'pink' shit. I've been going on about the Let Toys Be Toys campaign for months and husband thinks these kinds of gifts are ok for our daughter?!

I read the Girl Guides Girls Attitudes report earlier this week and its findings depress me. Girls anxious about how they look, wearing make up and going on diets when they are 8, judged on their appearance rather than ability...

I think toys like this Hello Kitty thing just perpetuate these problems. I don't want my daughter to have this shit when she's 3. She'll get to all this preening stuff soon enough, without it being rammed down her throat.

I don't think I'll be able to put on a smile and say thanks at Xmas. It goes against all my feminist sensibilities. Husband just thinks let his mum buy what she likes. Should I just put up with it this time and say something to MIL in the New Year? Or just shut up and hope daughter gets bored of it very quickly?

Ahhhh ffs mackerels. Your attitude really gets my goat.. Boys and girls are different, completely fucking different. Accept it!!!!!

I can't understand the mass panic of having a girl that likes to be a girl and use girly things. Some girls do like being girly and do so without any influence from anything

^ This

Sometimes girls like girly pink shit and sometimes boys like boyish blue shit. So what.

Yes you are being a little bit U. I hated all that pink 'girly' stuff when I was a little girl, but dd1 is into it a little bit, and has asked for a hello kitty nail set for Christmas this year, and she also got a pink dressing table (that we bought for her) last year. She's nearly 5. But then she also likes playing with toy cars and her train set. It doesn't really matter at this age and you'll be sending her a much better message by accepting the gift gratuitously.

Throughout my childhood, I was not allowed toys like Barbie dolls because my mother disapproved & ranted on about feminism and not wanting "plastic tat" etc. I wanted one so much! I don't think it made any difference to my self-esteem or "body image" in the long run, it just made her feel righteous.

My own 2 year DD now has all sorts of pink rubbish & she would LOVE the dressing table you described. Send it my way please

If you're so against "gender indoctrination" Lorna, then actually you're being massively hypocritical in wanting to ban any type/colour of toy for a child of either.

Surely, genuinely free choice from a range of toys for all children is the ideal?

Taking the OP's attitude only makes more- not less- of an issue out of gender stereotyping.

*either sex that should say.

I have boys but don't see the problem with girls 'practicing' doing their hair, it's the same as buying them a toy kitchen isn't it? Or would that reinforce gender roles by implying that women do the cooking.

Just let your dd enjoy being little and playing with her hair.

My ds's (6 and 4) are mixed race and have big afros, they love to spend ages going though my hair things and being 'princesses' should I be stopping this? Are they going to grow into vain metrosexual crpssdressers?

Well, yes this type of thing used to upset me too. I always accepted the gifts though. I tried to remember that they weren't for me, and were bought with love and good intention.

Really, I needn't have worried. Dd1 was a very pink girly girl, at 3, I worried. At 16 she's not. She wears a bit of make up, but that's it. Not girly, not obsessed with her looks, or pink. Funny and clever and realises there's more to life than being 'girly'. Dd2 has a black bedroom! Hates pink.

Both are clever and articulate individuals, who have a desire to achieve. That pink cooker and washing machine, hairdryer and ironing board that were given as presents has made no impact on the young women/ older girls they are now.

DS has one of those. He loves it. DD couldn't care less about it

YANBU replace it with some crayons and take it to the charity shop

Girls are allowed to want to play with "pink shit", just like boys are allowed to want to play with "blue shit".

The point is to offer choice, not to ban girls from playing with girly things

Hair straighteners for a three year old? How dangerous! What if they burn themselves

Oh wait, they are pretend - in that case she will do her dolls hair, yours, anyone she meets or, if she's not interested in them she won't play with them

Do you do your hair in front of her op, if so she will learn to 'preen' by copying you - not by playing with toys.

Funny some here are going on about women 'preening' and doing their hair when some of the World's top hairdressers are men! It's precisely you making such an issue of this that you're making it into an issue - Give a range of things to play with, children will only play with what they like when all is said & done.

Every year I seem to find myself on here saying the same thing. A gift is given at the discretion and choosing of the giver. The only acceptable thing to do is smile politely & thank the giver for the kind thought.

If you do not want the present after that - whether for you or your DC - you tactfully dispose of it in some way. Charity shop, skip etc.

I have seen the Hello Kitty set in B&M (they also do a Peppa Pig one). It's not something I would choose myself but I would let DD play with it if someone else was kind enough to want to buy it for her.

I'm now waiting for the annual "AIBU to expect GPs to spend more on DCs Gift" thread (not from you, just to be clear OP).

Are there posters would be disappointed to have a 'girly girl'? I thought feminism was about being content with who you are, using whatever means you are comfortable with. I will be proud of my daughter regardless of her preferences, as long as they make her happy.

YABU it's just a toy and your DD might have a lot of fun with it. Do you own a hairdryer?

The toy is an inanimate object. If you teach your Dd that anything pink and hair dryer shaped is there to teach her that only her looks matter then that's what she'll pick up on.
Why is it one or the other? Having something pink or a Barbie is not going to teach a girl to be a bimbo when she grows up. Her influence is you, not some plastic toy.
I have 2 DD's and a DS. 8 year old DD1 is very into barbie, Lego Friends, Minecraft and cricket. Her room is pink and purple, she's a petite, feminine looking blonde haired blue eyed girl who tends to wear quite feminine clothes, because that's what she chooses. She is however quite a tomboy and is just as at home playing Nerf war with her older brother and learning to bowl as she is playing with Barbie or watching Winx. We've given her the choice to be who she wants to be, whether it's covered in glitter or not, and I will raise her younger sister in the same way.

I hate these threads. I get the uproar about the same toy made in pink and blue. But this is not one of them. It is a toy that happens to be pink and in your head it's for girls. It is actually you projecting your own opinions that pink=girl. I doubt very much in a room full of 3 year olds there will be anyone saying that's a girls toy. I know this as we have one at nursery and there is an equal mix of boys and girls playing with it.

Play is the most important thing in a 3 year olds learning. By limiting choices based on your own ridiculous principles then you are essentially taking away so many role play opportunities for her and chances for her to express herself. So what if she grows up and likes make up and doing her hair? Do you leave the house in the morning without washing your face and putting a brush through your hair? If not then YABVVVU.

Poor grandma just thought she was getting a nice present. It's not exactly handing her a box of matches and a can of petrol to play with is it?

One needs to slightly dislodge ones head from ones bottom I think

She's 3. Let her have her present and let her have fun with it. Stop imposing your views and regulations on her. If she wants to play with it she will, if not, she won't. Stop policing her and let her decide for herself.

igloo

That's what I wonder. My girls are girly. D1 lived in track suit bottoms and jeans at pre school not he sues I was trying to prove a point but because they were practice and cheap. She's tripped over enough skirts to know that not ever occasion is one that a skirt is suitable for. But she chose to like dresses and skirts and to try and stop her would be wrong. She likes to look"nice" . Nice to her can be a ghastly mis match of colours and clothes but of that is what she wants so be it. Dd2 also likes to wear dresses and skirts to copy her sister.

You are just as likely to see them filthy , climbing trees, playing in mud and water and sand.

Neither instantly become precious little bimbos the second a dress goes on. We watch plenty of programs where there are strong women in them. Think drs and vets and animal cops.

Thy are who they are regardless of what colour their toy is and what yet are wearing.

Do you wear make up at all OP? Because if you do I would keep the make up bag out of the way of your daughter! All 3 of mine have played with my make up at one time or the other, I have the evidence in photo form. DS's first serious partner will get to see a lovely picture of him covered from head to toe in bronzer, eyeshadow and mascara. DD's partners will be shown similar pics
Another question, would you object to her playing with a toy kitchen. If so why? And who would she be copying, you or your DH?

Thanks for giving me your opinions . Can see from this thread why this shit sells! Mackerella, LornaGoon you know where I'm coming from.

Maybe some of the rest of you should click through and read those links? Or go and see Bad Grandpa .

I realise glitter will be a huge part of our lives now. I just think this kind of stuff is a total waste of money. Am all for role play but this is just rubbish branded hello kitty and marketed at girls. There is no way anybody would buy this for a little boy (unless the hairdryer was gun shaped!).

Finally, thanks some of you for feeling you had to point out your sarcasm, I'm so busy reading the Female Eunuch I wouldn't have got that. for you.

Saucyjack, I'm not about 'banning' so much as giving some thought to what you do with your DC, how they spend their time and learn about the world and children this young learn about the world a lot through play.

'Pink' and 'blue' have become more and more synonymous with girl/ boy divisions the last few years. I just wouldn't want my DD - or my DS for that matter - to think that all things 'woman' are pink and one of the main way to spend your time is doing your hair - the world is so much bigger than that; there are some many more interesting ways to spend your time in life!

Taking the OP's attitude only makes more- not less- of an issue out of gender stereotyping. That's because it is a bloody issue!