To be annoyed at Grandma's Xmas gift: preening kit for a 3 yr old girl?

[mamamiaow]

Just heard that MIL has bought a Hello Kitty dressing table set for my 3 year old daughter complete with hair straighteners, hairdryer etc. I am angry and upset that my husband said this was ok. I'd rather she spent the money on some books or colouring stuff, not some overpriced plastic tat so my daughter can sit in front of the mirror and preen herself. WTF?

I hate all of this 'pink' shit. I've been going on about the Let Toys Be Toys campaign for months and husband thinks these kinds of gifts are ok for our daughter?!

I read the Girl Guides Girls Attitudes report earlier this week and its findings depress me. Girls anxious about how they look, wearing make up and going on diets when they are 8, judged on their appearance rather than ability...

I think toys like this Hello Kitty thing just perpetuate these problems. I don't want my daughter to have this shit when she's 3. She'll get to all this preening stuff soon enough, without it being rammed down her throat.

I don't think I'll be able to put on a smile and say thanks at Xmas. It goes against all my feminist sensibilities. Husband just thinks let his mum buy what she likes. Should I just put up with it this time and say something to MIL in the New Year? Or just shut up and hope daughter gets bored of it very quickly?

There was a great article in the DM not long ago, with an interesting photo to accompany: www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2338976/Too-pink-How-toys-alarmingly-gender-stereotyped-Seventies--cost-little-girls-self-esteem.html

I really loathe the proliferation of pink tat aimed at girls. And the sheer pinkness of EVERYTHING girl related is a relatively new phenonema. I didn't grow up with it (a child of the 70s), and there are literally no photos of me wearing anything pink, ever. And it's not just me - this thread has made me go through my primary school class photos and not one girl in 7 years worth of classes is wearing anything pink in the pic (no uniform at my school, so all of us in mufti).

My lovely little DNs only ever wear pink, pink bloody everything, it's just completely OTT. MIL is crocheting the eldest a lovely pink blanket atm. It's like no other colour exists for little girls these days...

The present would annoy me, BUT as I may well be having a DD in the next few months, and also have a MIL who is completely into the whole pink thing, I intend to say thank you, and let it go. A few pink things won't hurt, and at 3, she really won't get the whole 'glam' thing. It's like a poster said upthread, she'll just use it to copy what you're doing.

Yes we can 'dictate'.

If a relative gave DD an antique golly doll I'd have no hesitation in editing it. And if I knew ahead if time, of course I'd have a word.

Thanks feeling, am ithe right pig . I think op has bailled out! Poor granny, dh okayed it, he has just as much say as op, it's just a gift from granny fgs, not a chastity belt! On threads here I see people whose mothers/il dint give a toss about their gc, they don't get them presents for their birthday at Christmas. This granny sounds lovely, she obviously asked the chokes father and he was fine with it. So what! Just accept it with a smile and a big thank you and put it away for later!

Girls father, sorry!

A golly is different, it is negative and associated with racism. If dd was given a golly, it would go in the bin, a dressing up table is different, it's not on the same level

Just saw this on Twitter Pink Nurses and Blue Doctors

Golly would go straight in the bin here. It is not comparable with pink dressing table.

Mme I would get my dd the dr outfit despite there being a boy on. That's shocking, so girls can't be doctors and boys can't be nurses

Some people have mentioned the words "choice" and "choose". But nowhere in the OPs posts has she said that the DD has asked for this toy, or even expressed a preference. The way I see it is that if DD has said "oh grandma I want one of those" and grandma has bought it, that is fair enough but if it is grandma imposing her views of what DGD will like that is another matter.

I got pilloried on here once for saying I was furious with my MIL for buying my DD a toy pram. My reasons for being annoyed were that my DD was under 2 yo at the time. We had bought her a plastic "toddlers" pram suitable for her age group. MIL bought a beautiful Silver Cross style pram suitable for a much older child. DD had never expressed any interest in having a pram; the only reason MIL bought it was that DD was a girl, therefore had to have a pram.

The thing was enormous, and there were 6 of us in a little 3 bed house with one main room. We had nowhere to put it. DD immediately used it to climb into, since she didn't play with dolls at all (MIL also aware of this) and within a week it was broken.

Had she waited until either DD was a more sensible age, or until she actually asked for a pram that would have been fine by me. Surely you give someone a present because you think they would like it, not because you want them to have it?

Tallulah gifts are that a nice surprise.we are not meant to know what's in a gift. The gift is for op dd let her choose if she likes it or not, RSI,ply put it away for later

My 2 year old DD is beside me now playing with a big tractor and two farmer figures having a ball for herself, she also loves princesses, monsters dinosaurs, brushing dolls hair etc.

You're being a bit ridiculous to be honest.
It reminds me of when a teenager turns atheist and the whooole world must know about it, you know?

Hi OP
YANU to secretly dislike the present (I wouldn't choose to have one in my house either to be honest!).

However, you would BU to refuse the gift, or dispose of it quietly or similar. Your MiL asked your DH and he agreed, so its too late now! You and your DH need to have a discussion about your views on this kind of thing in advance of another time.
I agree with the posters who say you are your child's primary influence. If you show no interest in wearing makeup, weighing yourself, worrying out loud what other people will think of what you look like today etc, then maybe she'll grow out of this kind of role play sooner or later of her own accord? (I don't know for this for sure tho, my DD is still pre-school too!)

The silver cross carriage style prams cost hundreds and are huge, I'd be miffed too

I wasn't suggesting the two toys were necessarily comparable, just making the point that one may, and should, according to one's principles, 'dictate' wrt gifts.

I would, for example, have binned a gift of Tesco's 2006 pole dancing kit (sold in the toys and games section) but I'm sure some would've suggested it was just a bit of fun and to stop overthinking it.

If your DH has said its ok to your MIL then it would be harsh for you to speak to get about it

I don't like this type of toy and never bought anything like it for my DDs (or my DS's ). However, as a one off thing then i don't believe it would have any effect on your DD. I would have thought a child who grows up watching her mother 'preen' herself would be more likely influenced that 'girls should make themselves pretty'

I would smile and nod and let my DD play with the toy.