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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh hurt dd

176 replies

Hotcoffeeburn · 03/12/2013 19:32

I have namechanged.

I am so upset. Got in tonight and dd who is 12 asked could she make a hot drink for herself. She is 12 and we have a tassimo hot drink maker, she has used it before to make hot choc and is very careful.

She decided to try and make a coffee first for me without saying and used a too small cup and it overflowed a little bit but not too much then she started making her drink. For some reason dh had a go at her for using the wrong cup, they were both standing by the sink, he picked up another cup and not seeing it was dirty started to pour the coffee into it-I said to him "oh no that's a dirty cup!" And he promptly threw it into the sink splashing dd with really hot coffee. She screamed and burst into tears and he shouted again that it wasn't that hot.

I have changed her top and put cold water on her tummy, she is very tearful but ok now. Dh is being really, really grumpy, doesn't think he did anything wrong and I am really upset.

Feel like telling him to just go actually. Really can't stand the sight of him

Aibu?

OP posts:
Valdeeves · 03/12/2013 19:34

This is not the first time is it?

Rooners · 03/12/2013 19:34

yanbu.

fuzzywuzzy · 03/12/2013 19:36

Why do you think you're being unreasonable?

Is she OK, are there any marks on her skin?

ILiveInAPineappleCoveredInSnow · 03/12/2013 19:36

YANBU at all, your poor dd :-(

BuzzardBird · 03/12/2013 19:36

Was it an accident?

SashaOfSiberia · 03/12/2013 19:36

Its not pleasant that he threw the cup and he definitely sounds like he was being a grumpy bastard but it doesn't some across that he intended to burn or hurt her. It all sounds a bit tense and over dramatic. I think you all probably need to just calm down, apologise and move on.

smearedinfood · 03/12/2013 19:37

Does he have form for this kind of behaviour?

If not, do you think he could dwell on it and apologise to your DD later?

RedLondonBus · 03/12/2013 19:37

Sounds like he's cross with himself. It was an accident wasn't it? Not done on purpose but yes, he could've been more careful

Original poster
Hotcoffeeburn · 03/12/2013 19:37

As in Aibu to make him leave? I am so upset he could do that and hurt dd.

No marks on her skin now, I put cold water on straight away. Cuddled her for ages and now she's tucked up in bed reading.

OP posts:
JemimaConfuddledDuck · 03/12/2013 19:38

The lack of remorse would worry me immensely. Has he form for things like this?

thebody · 03/12/2013 19:38

can you ask him to sleep somewhere else tonight? is he violent? are you and dd safe? he sounds horrible op. your poor dd.

JumpingJackSprat · 03/12/2013 19:38

Why is this an aibu? And why is he still there after he basically threw hot coffee at a child?

Original poster
Hotcoffeeburn · 03/12/2013 19:38

She was standing right with him at the sink though and it was thrown with quite a lot of force, he must have known it could splash her Sad

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 03/12/2013 19:39

He didn't throw hot coffee at her. He threw the cup into the sink. It splashed on her. I am failing to see the drama, other than he was angry. What am I missing?

thebody · 03/12/2013 19:39

if it was a complete accident wouldn't he be the horrified one cuddling up his dd and apologising???

NoComet · 03/12/2013 19:40

He knows he over reacted and that he is in the wrong, but hell will freeze over before he admits it!

I have one of those

Justforlaughs · 03/12/2013 19:40

People can lose their tempers and throw things in the sink without meaning to splash someone else with hot coffee - that's a mistake. Throwing a cup of hot coffee at someone is not a mistake.
Sounds like there's more to it than you've said though. Does he make a habit of throwing things? Have you been unhappy for a while? I can't say whether YABU or not without more information. I wouldn't leave someone/ ask them to leave because they accidently splashed someone with coffee - that's sounds like an over reaction to me.

IslaValargeone · 03/12/2013 19:40

It sounds like a momentary loss of temper that had unfortunate and unintended consequences.
I can understand how you feel though.
It would be appropriate for him to apologise though, perhaps he is very embarrassed by his behaviour?
It might be worth suggesting he pops into your dd's bedroom for an apology and a cuddle.

Original poster
Hotcoffeeburn · 03/12/2013 19:41

He's not violent as such but I find occasionally his discipline slightly heavy handed as in he will forcibly take ds for example upstairs if he won't go to bed or similar and shouts quite badly but nothing like this before.

In Aibu as I thought would get more responses quicker and I really don't know if I'm over reacting by telling him to go or if I should just put it down to him not thinking, but I'd have known it would splash her so he must have done too. Just don't like how he lost it so badly.

OP posts:
thebody · 03/12/2013 19:41

but his anger was irrational! that's frightening yes? her dd did nothing wrong. why throw a cup into a sink anyway?

JaquelineHyde · 03/12/2013 19:41

It is unacceptable to throw anything, ever, obviously.

However, he threw it in the sink not at her. It was a stupid and childish thing to do but he didn't mean to hurt your dd.

I assume he knows what you think about his behaviour and he will be aware that dd is upset. Let him calm down and realise what a fool he has been and then see if he apologises.

SashaOfSiberia · 03/12/2013 19:41

But by that logic, he should of known it would also splash him and would hurt himself. I sounds like he was just wound up and didn't think.

I think yabu.

Original poster
Hotcoffeeburn · 03/12/2013 19:43

This is why I'm so unsure, he didn't throw it directly at her but she was right there at the sink so it was going to splash her no matter what and it was very hot.

OP posts:
monicalewinski · 03/12/2013 19:44

If it was an accident then I would speak directly to him in a non-goading way to "stop stropping, you know it was an accident but he needs to apologise to your daughter for scalding her", then leave it until later when your daughter has gone to bed and have a rational conversation with him about his tantrum.

Original poster
Hotcoffeeburn · 03/12/2013 19:44

He does seem unusually snappy tonight. He has been unwell recently but never so angry.

OP posts: