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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh hurt dd

176 replies

Hotcoffeeburn · 03/12/2013 19:32

I have namechanged.

I am so upset. Got in tonight and dd who is 12 asked could she make a hot drink for herself. She is 12 and we have a tassimo hot drink maker, she has used it before to make hot choc and is very careful.

She decided to try and make a coffee first for me without saying and used a too small cup and it overflowed a little bit but not too much then she started making her drink. For some reason dh had a go at her for using the wrong cup, they were both standing by the sink, he picked up another cup and not seeing it was dirty started to pour the coffee into it-I said to him "oh no that's a dirty cup!" And he promptly threw it into the sink splashing dd with really hot coffee. She screamed and burst into tears and he shouted again that it wasn't that hot.

I have changed her top and put cold water on her tummy, she is very tearful but ok now. Dh is being really, really grumpy, doesn't think he did anything wrong and I am really upset.

Feel like telling him to just go actually. Really can't stand the sight of him

Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotcoffeeburn · 03/12/2013 20:28

It was ds that got smacked after the coffee incident as he had pushed dd2.

Had to ask to go to the toilet as needed dh to sit with the younger dcs or little ds pulls everything off Xmas tree etc and tries to eat it!

OP posts:
thebody · 03/12/2013 20:28

LeMis he smacked the ds after the coffee incident and yes agree why are you asking him to go to the toilet for fucks sake? and his response was very strange too.

mrsjay · 03/12/2013 20:30

do you often need to ask him to watch the children or did you just say I am just nipping to the toilet what the little one ? and he snapped at you, TBH i would ask him why he doesnt seem to like his children they seem to just annoy him,

mrsjay · 03/12/2013 20:31

watch*

Original poster
Hotcoffeeburn · 03/12/2013 20:33

It was just a reaction to protect dd like that, not happened before and she was really quite shaken by it.

It wasn't so much 'asking permission' to go to the toilet more of just saying would he keep an eye on them all while I was upstairs. Usually this is fine, today he was annoyed.

OP posts:
WhataSook · 03/12/2013 20:34

OP I dont mean to sound hurtful, but this is your life...why are you asking a bunch of strangers if it would be unreasonable to ask your DH to leave? If you want him gone then tell him to go.

mrsjay · 03/12/2013 20:36

It wasn't so much 'asking permission' to go to the toilet more of just saying would he keep an eye on them all while I was upstairs. Usually this is fine, today he was annoyed.

is what i meant, I would let him calm down probably huff for a while and ask him what the hell is wrong with him if you say he isnt always like this then to ask him to leave is an over reaction imo but he cant be smacking children and throwing cups in a temper because he is pissed off,

LEMisafucker · 03/12/2013 20:38

But you wanted to go to the toilet and he said you should have gone before he came home??? I don't understand, i truly don't.

Original poster
Hotcoffeeburn · 03/12/2013 20:40

Yes, usually if I say I'm popping up to the toilet that's fine nothing is said, he just keeps an eye on dcs and that's it.

Today he shouted at me " no, ffs you should go during the day so that I don't have to sit here and watch them"

OP posts:
mrsjay · 03/12/2013 20:41

I dont think the OP understand either she says he isn't usually like that

mrsjay · 03/12/2013 20:42

no, ffs you should go during the day so that I don't have to sit here and watch them"

i would pull him up on asap where is he now is he sulking

womblesofwestminster · 03/12/2013 20:42

can you only piss during the daytime?

thebody · 03/12/2013 20:42

no neither do I. this can't be the first time he's been an arse. if I told my dh to watch kids while I did a wee and he said that I would assume was joking.

not that he had a bad day!!! it's an insane response.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 03/12/2013 20:42

He didn't smack 'her' he smacked their DS. As much as MN 'kicks off' about smacking, plenty of people still do it and it does not make them dangerous or bad parents.

Clearly he's wound up about something this evening if he is acting out of character, there's no need for a lynch mob. He's taken himself out of the equation and gone to bed - hopefully it can all be sorted out tomorrow.

It sounds like DD got a fright when he shouted and she got splashed - not hurt, and I think you have over reacted to her over reaction - that would annoy me too.

Why did you namechange, 'knowing' you from your regular postings might would help a bit.

I hate to put the thought in your mind, but is there any chance he's found out that the chest infection is something serious??

Original poster
Hotcoffeeburn · 03/12/2013 20:43

He is usually quite calm, rarely loses his temper and if he's upset/stressed/annoyed usually just goes quiet. This is all very out of character.

OP posts:
Oblomov · 03/12/2013 20:43

Not that I am condoning, but Some if the messages seem to be from saints.
Never slammed a door, shouted or thrown something.
Someone posted. 'Never take it out on your kids' . But everyone does. If we are tired , unwell , other dc's testing us.
I am not condoning. But some of you live on a different planet to me.

Bowlersarm · 03/12/2013 20:45

I'm scratching my head over this a bit, OP. Do you normally have a good relationship with your DH?

I'm trying to put myself in your shoes and failing. If you had a fraught car journey, and then got home and he was uncharacteristically still in a bad mood, didn't you try and find out what was wrong?

Why couldn't your 12 year old watch her younger siblings why you went to the loo?

And, I grant you that what he did with the hot coffee wasn't his finest hour, and that he didn't apologise afterwards was really not good, but why didn't you find out from him what is wrong?

Your question on here was should you ask him to leave. That is such an over reaction to an incident which is so out of character.

Original poster
Hotcoffeeburn · 03/12/2013 20:45

Namechanged as dsis also uses mn and if she saw this under my usual name she would probably come round and really have a go at dh and as annoyed a I am with him I don't think he needs that right now.

OP posts:
caruthers · 03/12/2013 20:47

Your sister comes to his house to have a go at him?

womblesofwestminster · 03/12/2013 20:47

I hate to put the thought in your mind, but is there any chance he's found out that the chest infection is something serious??

Very interesting. OP, does your DH smoke?

Original poster
Hotcoffeeburn · 03/12/2013 20:47

It was just my first reaction, I just felt like I wanted him out of the house.

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 03/12/2013 20:47

Why would your sister have a go at him???? What are you not telling us?

SugarMiceInTheRain · 03/12/2013 20:47

From reading the whole thread, his behaviour does seem very weird and out of character. FWIW your reaction and being so protective of your almost teenaged DD was probably a bit OTT which may have annoyed him further, but it sounds like there's something deeper at the root of his anger tonight. Hope you get to the bottom of this OP Confused

Also agree with Oblomov - I know I've taken out my frustrations on the DC from time to time and can be shouty or over-react to things when stressed.

rpitchfo · 03/12/2013 20:48

If only we could all leave in such serene calm households. Some of the over reactions of here. Jesus wept.

rpitchfo · 03/12/2013 20:48

live*

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