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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep unvaccinated step children away from my newborn?

222 replies

sydneycat · 02/12/2013 06:23

Its a bit of a long one but here goes.

I am a step mother to two boys 4 and 6. The 6 year old has autism which my partner attributes to jabs he recieved at 6 months. As a medical professional I know there is no substance to that at all but my partner won't be swayed.
I love both boys very much and am very happy to be a part of their lives. However I am very concerned as both boys are constantly sick with colds and various bugs. We also live in a area with a low vaccination rate. My baby is due to be born in winter and there have been worsening outbreaks of whooping cough.
I am concerned about them spending time with the baby before it has its shots as the baby will have no protection against whooping cough which is highly dangerous and often fatal to very young babies.
My partner is extremely anti vaccine given his eldests autism. I love him and we are extremely happy but I am not happy about putting my baby at this much risk, what is the best way to broach this?

OP posts:
2Tiredtocare · 02/12/2013 06:26

If you get immunised against whooping cough and flu whilst pregnant the baby will be born with your immunity

Sparklymommy · 02/12/2013 06:29

Oh dear, a whole can of worms this one!

Have you spoken to your partner about your wishes for vaccinating your newborn? How will he react to that given his views? I think really that unless your stepsons actually contract whooping cough then you will find it extremely hard to justify keeping your newborn seperate to be honest.

Original poster
sydneycat · 02/12/2013 06:30

The baby requires 2 doses before it is considered to have some immunity

OP posts:
Original poster
sydneycat · 02/12/2013 06:32

The problem is that they can pass it on and be contagious before showing symptom. There have been really bad outbreaks in my local area last year and the boys seem to pick up everything going :(

OP posts:
DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 02/12/2013 06:32

What 2Tired said. Also, and I'm not nitpicking, but why didn't you and your partner iron out all of these concerns each of you have before deciding to concieve? It's quite an important thing to clash on imo of both sides are staunchly on the opposite sides.

I'm totally with you on vaccinations but don't think you'll have much luck keeping your baby away from their stepsiblings for 8+ weeks. And it's not a good footing to start off on when welcoming the baby into the world.

FutTheShuckUp · 02/12/2013 06:32

Wtf is he on about, the six months jabs (whatever they are) were never in question

VivaLeBeaver · 02/12/2013 06:34

Don't the ads for pregnant women say that by having the jab in pregnancy then it gives the baby some immunity?

I think unless the children have whooping cough or have been in direct, close contact with someone who has then ou shouldn't keep them away. The boys would feel very shut out if they couldn't meet their new sibling which could cause all sorts of problems.

2Tiredtocare · 02/12/2013 06:36

I was pregnant last winter and was asked to have both jabs at a routine midwife appointment, no one said anything about 2 doses being necessary

LovesBeingHereAgain · 02/12/2013 06:37

What is going to happen with your baby? It's going to have them?

Original poster
sydneycat · 02/12/2013 06:41

I don't want to shut the boys out, i would prefer if they had their shots. My partner doesn't believe in doctors etc and it freaks me out that they go untreated for so long with severe coughs

OP posts:
Sparklymommy · 02/12/2013 06:42

Doesn't whooping cough go in a cycle? Like a four year cycle? Where its worse one year and then figures drop over the next couple of years?

I only ask as my little ones recently had croup and I was worried it was whooping cough so did a little bit of research.

Morgause · 02/12/2013 06:46

I agree with those who say you should have talked about this before having your own child. You really can't ask him to keep his children away from their half sibling. The horse has bolted.

2Tiredtocare · 02/12/2013 06:50

Just have a strict hand washing and no baby face/mouth touching policy. If it makes you feel any better I took my newborn into school for DD1's show and tell and then got an email about a scarlet fever and rubella outbreak, I was mortified and very worried but baby was fine and they aren't as susceptible as toddlers as don't go round touching germs things/people

NorthernShores · 02/12/2013 06:52

My little one had whopping cough at 6 weeks, it was terrifying. I was quite careful with my second and stopped going to a group with a lot of um vaccinated children. I think your situating is very tough as you don't want to alienate step children either.

VivaLeBeaver · 02/12/2013 06:55

I wouldn't take dd to the Dr for an ordinary cough, they're part and parcel of been a kid. Whooping cough is different but that has a very distinctive noise. You'd know if they had it rather than just a cough which they've had for ages.

saintlyjimjams · 02/12/2013 07:04

A lot of whooping cough is being spread by older kids & adults who have been vaccinated (immunity doesn't last). That's why they are vaccinating pregnant women.

You might want to read up on the research on autism & the immune system though given there is autism in the family & your partner reports that your step son had a reaction to the 6 month jabs. It's an expanding field & isn't quite as clear as 'there's no link ever'. Autism is not one condition for starters so anything that starts 'there is no link between autism &.....' Is generally not worth reading further. Most HCP's who actually know something about autism (depressingly few) are pretty open minded about potential triggers for regression & are certainly aware that in a certain subgroup the immune system may play a role.

EachAndEveryHighway · 02/12/2013 07:11

I would feel exactly the same as you. I'm surprised though that you didn't discuss these issues before conceiving - there's no way I'd have a baby with someone who felt the opposite way about an issue like this that cannot be compromised on.

tweetytwat · 02/12/2013 07:15

is the new baby going to be vaccinated? Have you come to an agreement.
'Doesn't believe in doctors' is a rather worrying position to take IMHO

TheGreatWizardQuiQuaeQuod · 02/12/2013 07:50

If your partner does not believe in doctors or in vaccinations - is this not going to be a huge problem?

Is he going to attempt to block the baby getting medical attention? Getting inoculations? How are you going to deal with that? Have the two of you discussed that?

intitgrand · 02/12/2013 07:52

I don't understand it how they can be vaccination-damaged and then you say they haven't been vaccinated?

WooWooOwl · 02/12/2013 07:56

You cannot keep two children away from their sibling until the baby had had its first two shots of vaccinations unless you are willing to risk resentment and jealousy issues that will follow you long into the future. You just can't.

You have already taken the risk with your baby by conceiving it and bringing it into these circumstances. You should have talked about this before and you cannot make two small children deal with the consequences of this massive mistake you have made.

It would be completely unacceptable for you to treat your step children like lepars because of a decision that was made by all the parents involved here, and I'd be amazed if your partner allows it. If he does, then it doesn't bode well for you or your baby.

sashh · 02/12/2013 08:05

Do you live in the same house or do they visit, because if you all live in the same place you can't really do anything can you?

Is it just, sorry I know WC isn't a 'just' but is that your main concern?

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 02/12/2013 08:16

I think you need to tackle your DP over the "Doesnt believe in doctors", your DSC could get very ill.

MissPlumBroughtALadder · 02/12/2013 08:16

Whooping cough is generally a summer disease so as your baby will be born in winter you may well be out of the danger age by the time cases start appearing again.
Also, I think you might benefit from having a look at the statistics available on diagnoses and deaths - it certainly could not be said that whooping cough 'often' kills young babies. Deaths are very rare. Yes, when they do occur they are babies under six weeks, but this is not common. I think you might panic less if you looked up the data about rare this is.

miniandfloss · 02/12/2013 08:17

Can I just say even if you have whooping cough vaccination whilst pregnant it does not provide 100 % protection as I found out. My 8 week old ds caught it even though I had been vaccinated. Luckily he had a fairly mild case (which the dr thinks was due to having vaccine so it could have been much worse).

I think its a difficult situation - have you and your partner discussed what you will be about immunisations for your baby considering you both have such differing views?

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