Text, wife not impressed??

[SheldonsLeftFlipFlop]

I have an acquaintance / mate who I know via work. We've been on nights out in small groups and enjoy a laugh and joke.

A while back, we were talking about tattoos and I mentioned one that I was planning on my ankle. He said he really likes feminine ankle and foot tattoos. I'd said I wasn't 100% on getting it there and he kind of tried to talk me into it.

Anyway, I had said tattoo but at the bottom of my leg, slightly brushing my ankle. I sent him a picture of it with a jokey line and thought no more of it. I then got a reply ages later saying his wife wasn't impressed. I genuinely had no idea what he was on about, so just replied sorry?? He then text me this afternoon saying his wife had calmed down, but she thought it was inappropriate.

I honestly would never have thought I was crossing any boundaries by sending what I did. And we do text from time to time. But generally quite run of the mill stuff really. I'm a little bit annoyed that a picture of my ankle is being interpreted as anything untoward too.

He'll ring me tomorrow, so would I be unreasonable to say that I don't really want any part in his relationship issues, and nor am I comfortable with our friendship being treated by him as a secret (which I'm now assuming has been the case)?

[Bradsplit]

I think you're quite normal op.

[MistAllChuckingFrighty]

perhaps the wife doesn't see getting a tattoo as quite the life-affirming, self congratulatory and momentous choice that you do ?

not everyone does

[SheldonsLeftFlipFlop]

I didn't say I don't understand why she is offended. That really is none if my business! I have just explained that it wasn't sent with any connotations intended.

I just wanted to know if I'd be unreasonable to tell my mate I want no involvement in what I see is an issue between him and his DW, and to be a bit disappointed that our friendship seems to have been kept secret from her.

[sooperdooper]

Lol at attention seeking! It's the kind of normal thing people post on fb or text all the time, and as they'd previously had a conversation about it it's simply a continuation of that conversation, are people not allowed to be friends with people they work with?

[SheldonsLeftFlipFlop]

Mist - quite likely she doesn't. We all place importance and value on different things. Like I don't think baking a batch of cupcakes is a remarkable feat, but understand others feeling pride at having made them enough to photograph them and share with others. Surely wanting to share something you're proud of is quite natural?

[sooperdooper]

I think what you're planning to say to him is perfectly reasonable :)

[FluffyJumper]

Why do you think he's kept it a secret?

[HildaOgden]

She might think you're the trollopy type,what with your tattoo and all

Look at it from her point of view.Her husband is out at work all day,and you're the only woman there.Any work story involves 'and Sheldonsleftflipflop says'or 'Sheldonsleftflipflop does...' it possibly makes her uneasy.Then you send a photo of part of your body (yes,I know,not the most erotic bit,but still) and she thinks 'well,that's nothing to do with work,this Sheldonsleftflipflop one is getting a bit too over familiar with my husband'.

As a matter of curiosity,how many other people did you send a photo of it too?

[MistAllChuckingFrighty]

I am just telling you what I would make of you, and it sounds failry silimar to his wife

if you were to "have a word" with him, I would think you were looking to escalate the drama

perhaps you should consider you made a faux pas without realising it and back off, thus demonstrating some respect for the fact that you have no idea what may/may not be happening in their relationship

[MistAllChuckingFrighty]

*fairly similar

[DoYouLikeMyBaubles]

I'm really relaxed with DP and know he wouldn't do anything dodgy, but this would bug me.

[SheldonsLeftFlipFlop]

don't know, intuition? I suppose I think context is everything, and if she were aware of our friendship and how we generally converse then I don't think this would be as concerning for her.

[Belchica]

Maybe his wife has a special tattoo on her body that she got 'for him'... Maybe on her ankle...and so your text was all a bit too personal for her.

Whatever, you live and learn, just keep the banter to the pub with this one in future (if his wife lets him out).

[JumpingJackSprat]

bloody hell its just a tattoo on an ankle. ankles are not private body parts and are there for anyone to see pretty much any time. his wife sounds like she has major trust issues to be getting worked up about that.

[MistAllChuckingFrighty]

to be fair, in this situation, my H would be getting the reaction much more than (the mythical) you but that would be between me and him and would not involve (the mythical) you at all

[SheldonsLeftFlipFlop]

Well in his text today he said he will call me tomorrow. So it's not that I want to seek out a conversation, but I want to have clear in my head what I want to say when the conversation inevitably takes place!

As already said, I have no idea of issues (if any!) in their relationship. It really isn't any of my business!

Same photo went to approx 20 friends.

[HildaOgden]

Ah,maybe she didn't go mad at all...maybe he's the one trying to read something into it.

I wouldn't make a fuss of it with him at all.Just shrug off whatever he says,and make a mental note to exclude him from any future things like this.

[MistAllChuckingFrighty]

Some blokes think it's a bit of sport to wind women up, nothing they like better than getting rather naive female colleagues (for example) thinking there is more to something than what should be a simple work relationship. Even better when they show their partners to get a rise out of her too. You should be mindful of that. You know nothing at all about this man. Don't "have a conversation" with about this, you would be fuelling the imaginary fire.

[MistAllChuckingFrighty]

with him

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

It sounds flirty to me too - and yes attention seeking.

How many other people did you send it to?

It may be that his wife hasn't said anything, but that he has realised that he's crossed a line with you and is using her as a reason to put things on a more formal footing with you again.

I think if you mention it to him then you risk making yourself look over-invested in your friendship. All it takes is a few words from him to other men at your workplace and suddenly you get a reputation where you don't deserve one.

[Bloob]

I don't know. I think it's slightly inappropriate to be honest. I would be a bit if DH got a text like that. And yes, i would probably say something, I wouldn't "go mad" though.

[LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot]

Im curious as to how, "Finished Article, I win" sounds flirty.

Especially when sent to about 20 people.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Same photo, Lucius. Not the same message - which wouldn't make sense to the 19 other people who weren't trying to persuade the OP where to put her tattoo.

[LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot]

Maybe Ali, but i still dont get the flirty bit, and i've been cheated on, so i've seen flirty messages, that doesnt scream flirty to me.