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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Text, wife not impressed??

272 replies

SheldonsLeftFlipFlop · 01/12/2013 20:41

I have an acquaintance / mate who I know via work. We've been on nights out in small groups and enjoy a laugh and joke.

A while back, we were talking about tattoos and I mentioned one that I was planning on my ankle. He said he really likes feminine ankle and foot tattoos. I'd said I wasn't 100% on getting it there and he kind of tried to talk me into it.

Anyway, I had said tattoo but at the bottom of my leg, slightly brushing my ankle. I sent him a picture of it with a jokey line and thought no more of it. I then got a reply ages later saying his wife wasn't impressed. I genuinely had no idea what he was on about, so just replied sorry?? He then text me this afternoon saying his wife had calmed down, but she thought it was inappropriate.

I honestly would never have thought I was crossing any boundaries by sending what I did. And we do text from time to time. But generally quite run of the mill stuff really. I'm a little bit annoyed that a picture of my ankle is being interpreted as anything untoward too.

He'll ring me tomorrow, so would I be unreasonable to say that I don't really want any part in his relationship issues, and nor am I comfortable with our friendship being treated by him as a secret (which I'm now assuming has been the case)?

OP posts:
Tambaboy · 04/12/2013 19:04

I met my best friends through work and one of them is still my boss. Dh's friends are 90% from his work so I don't understand the no friends at work rule either. By the way, the team I work in is one of the best, if not the best in the country in that particular field, so no low performance problems to be seen.

Goodadvice1980 · 04/12/2013 19:35

OP you haven't done anything wrong, the issue is clearly with his wife!

randomAXEofkindness · 04/12/2013 19:40

I don't have a problem with 'friends at work'. I'd cringe if an acquaintance sent me a picture of their tattoo, and so would dh, unless he was shagging her on the side, too showy and needy for me, but different strokes for different folks as they say. I've got no problem with his wife's reaction, I can think of loads of valid reasons she might be pissed off with him, or think you were a prat, sorry op.

But I'm so glad that there are so many really cool women on here who are just so cool that they don't blink an eye at random women sending pictures of their body parts to their oh's. Maybe if I try really really hard I can be as cool as they are one day. Maybe I'll start by always swallowing, and work my way up...

Original poster
SheldonsLeftFlipFlop · 04/12/2013 19:51

Wow, bit of a chip on your shoulder??

Firstly, random women? Not really so random when we're friends. Granted I'm a random to the wife, but then I can't really help that. Secondly, cool wives? Nope, I have no issue at all with DH having female friends, and don't look at his phone to know what they text each other, but wouldn't find it strange in the slightest if one of them sent him a picture of their new tattoo.
Lastly, not really sure what swallowing has to do with anything already mentioned on the thread. Everyone has their own sexual preferences, and don't really think that bears any correlation to anything discussed at all.

OP posts:
LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 04/12/2013 19:55

Random, have you been at the gin?

Pagwatch · 04/12/2013 20:23

Hahaha

Yes. Not having a problem would be a sign of wanting to be cool rather than, you know, just not having a problem because it's just a tattoo not a vag shot.

Gin may be a good call

randomAXEofkindness · 04/12/2013 20:31

Lucius I wish.

Maybe he's got a foot fetish and this shot was better than a vag shot pag

randomAXEofkindness · 04/12/2013 20:36

OP in the opening post you were acquaintances/mates, now you are 'friends'. Did the tattoo shot have anything to do with this development in your relationship? Grin

PeriodFeatures · 04/12/2013 20:41

It is inappropriate.

I wouldn't send a married work colleague a picture of a tattoo on my body.....but then I wouldn't get a tattoo.

He is very clearly letting you know he doesn't think it is appropriate either. Tell him you are sorry and that you are a little embarrassed.

I'm very old fashioned. A bit of dignity and decorum goes a long way. Try it.

PeriodFeatures · 04/12/2013 20:47

This is the crassest AIBU I have eve readr. I feel a bit cringey.

FluffyJumper · 04/12/2013 20:49

I take it you've not read many AIBUs then Period?

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 04/12/2013 20:49

Period, he should have been telling OP that he finds foot and ankle tattoos attractive then should he, she did send it to others, kinda like, "Heres my tattoo, a tribute to my husbands strength during a bad year."

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 04/12/2013 20:55

*shouldnt

PeriodFeatures · 04/12/2013 20:57

I bet OP also puts pictures of her dinner on Facebook and says 'Lol' too much.

tudorqueen · 04/12/2013 20:58

Well, my DH works with lots of women (married and single) and is friends with most of them (but not their DHs). I work with lots of men (married and single) and I'm friends with all of them. We both some of the partners vaguely, but we're not their friends so don't really bother with them. We have a few "couple" friends, but not many. Mostly our friends are from various work places/leisure activities. His female friends text him - don't know if they have included pictures of body parts, but as my DH is an A&E nurse then he's seen it all anyway and frankly I wouldn't be bothered. Same as he isn't when my male colleagues text me. We're happy together. I was the OW first, but that marriage was dead and I trust him. He trusts me. Seriously, there are more important things to worr about and this man's wife needs to get a grip.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 04/12/2013 20:59

I do believe OP said she didnt have FB.

FluffyJumper · 04/12/2013 21:04

That comes across as very sneery Period. You do realise that the OP might read that don't you, did you mean to be so rude?

Hulababy · 04/12/2013 21:05

"He said he really likes feminine ankle and foot tattoos. I'd said I wasn't 100% on getting it there and he kind of tried to talk me into it."

I suspect his wife has seen these comments and then your photo. It then comes across as a flirty text chat being reciprocated on both sides. The photo then looks like you are sending him it becasuse " he likes feminine ankles...."

Snugglepiggy · 04/12/2013 21:20

Call me old fashioned ,and I have nothing against platonic friendships with work colleagues ,both DH and I have them but why the incessant need to contact out of work via text that seems so prevelant nowadays ?You can guess I'm well into middle age.But maybe Im a bit more cynical since an OW thought it was Ok to text my DH on a daily basis with jokey banter about all manner of things until their familiarity developed into sexual innuendo.Her DH was the one to find it and was unimpressed to say the least.Being mates at work us all well and good but I am with some of the others who think it was unnecessary to send that text.

Original poster
SheldonsLeftFlipFlop · 04/12/2013 21:20

Erm I don't have Facebook, but am not in the habit of photographing my food (although if others choose to then fine!). I also say lol about as much as I've said it on this thread.

Our conversation about tattoos was over dinner and drinks, so no text for his wife to read. And I have to say, I'm just not sure I'd make the jump from liking foot tattoos to being a foot fetishist, but it isn't on my foot anyway. It is on my leg.

OP posts:
Original poster
SheldonsLeftFlipFlop · 04/12/2013 21:21

And I'm not sure I really differentiate between mates and friends, as both generally mean the same thing, no??

OP posts:
Original poster
SheldonsLeftFlipFlop · 04/12/2013 21:25

And yes everyone I sent it to knew why I had it and what it symbolised.

Quite frankly the elation at getting through a horrendous year and the happiness at getting the tattoo probably did make me a bit giddy. I don't normally send random pictures.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 04/12/2013 23:36

God yes. He must have a foot fetish.
Coudn't just be a mismatch of boundaries and miscommunication. Goto be waaaaay more complicated than that.

moominmarvellous · 05/12/2013 00:10

catgirl1976 - that post was hilarious! ??

I stopped reading after that, but if it's still relevant:

I think in hindsight, you could have just showed him the tattoo when you saw him next....but I also think she went OTT.

randomAXEofkindness · 05/12/2013 09:55

pag I'm was alluding to the fact that we have no idea what this picture meant to the man or to his wife. I don't think it's reasonable for anybody to assume that she went over the top. The op has no idea what the wife's position is/whether she has one at all. We certainly don't.

Op, I'm sure you would be reasonable to say that you don't want to know anything about his private life with his wife (but then could you really call him your friend? That isn't something I'd ever say to one of my friends). I think you would be unreasonable to tell him that you are disappointed in him keeping you a secret, because you have no idea that he did, and why should he care how you feel anyway after you've just told him to keep his feelings to himself?

I like tattoo's, but I must have missed the post about why you were 'proud' of it op. Did you do it yourself?

Also, why don't people ever read their dp's texts? If dh's phone is sitting next to me and it beeps, I look at it - because I'm interested, not because I don't trust him. I must have missed the circular about mobile phones actually being secret diaries.

Anyway, I'm getting myself into loads of hot water here, I'd better shut it.