Text, wife not impressed??

[SheldonsLeftFlipFlop]

I have an acquaintance / mate who I know via work. We've been on nights out in small groups and enjoy a laugh and joke.

A while back, we were talking about tattoos and I mentioned one that I was planning on my ankle. He said he really likes feminine ankle and foot tattoos. I'd said I wasn't 100% on getting it there and he kind of tried to talk me into it.

Anyway, I had said tattoo but at the bottom of my leg, slightly brushing my ankle. I sent him a picture of it with a jokey line and thought no more of it. I then got a reply ages later saying his wife wasn't impressed. I genuinely had no idea what he was on about, so just replied sorry?? He then text me this afternoon saying his wife had calmed down, but she thought it was inappropriate.

I honestly would never have thought I was crossing any boundaries by sending what I did. And we do text from time to time. But generally quite run of the mill stuff really. I'm a little bit annoyed that a picture of my ankle is being interpreted as anything untoward too.

He'll ring me tomorrow, so would I be unreasonable to say that I don't really want any part in his relationship issues, and nor am I comfortable with our friendship being treated by him as a secret (which I'm now assuming has been the case)?

[HarkTEEHeraldAngelsSing]

Never mind I take it back. My own husband thinks it's weird and inappropriate.

I still don't see it.

[MrsBungleScare]

I don't see any problem with this. I'd text what schmaltzing matilda said and be done with it. Don't text him personal stuff anymore. You didn't do anything wrong, I'm friendly with people at work and I would not think it flirty or inappropriate to send them a pic of my new tattoo.

[JapaneseMargaret]

If one of DH's friends who happen to be women ('female friends' sounds proper try hard to me) sent him that text/photo, I wouldn't think anything of it. He'd probably show me, if indeed they hadn't already sent it directly to me as well, and we'd have a bit of an 'ah, she did it, cool tattoo / 'pffft, that's a bit dodge ', ' moment.

If one of DH's colleagues sent him such a text/photo, my spidey-senses would be tingling big time.

[chrome100]

Wow, I genuinely can't see why on earth the wife and other posters would have a problem with this! It's your ankle, ffs!

[YouTheCat]

A photo with a 'look what I did' kind of message is in no way flirty. It's matey.

I suspect either he has form or his wife has trust issues. Either way, when you speak to him, just say you want nothing to do with his relationship problems and don't bother texting him again.

[drivingmisslazy]

I am happily married and trust my husband, I am not a jealous person BUT I would think this was inappropriate, mentioned it to DH who agreed. I would not go nuts though, would just be a bit puzzled by it.

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

This will probably sound daft but the sticking your tongue out emoticon makes it come across as flirty or juvenile imo. I sent my DH a word message - no ankle photos - the other day and put the sticking my tongue out emoticon after it but I was telling him off not flirting with him.

[ShesAStar]

I am far from insecure or paranoid but if my DH had texts on his phone from women I don't know it might make me feel insecure and paranoid.

[fluffyraggies]

I think everyone saying 'so what it's just an ankle' are missing the point spectacularly.

Even the OP has said she is not asking why the wife was upset, she has said herself there may be issues in the relationship that she is not aware of and that she wants no part of it.

Someone up-thread posted a hypothetical example of a typical post from relationships here. Here's my version:

''I've been worried about my DHs behavior lately. I'm feeling insecure about often he texts a female work colleague and the fact that i know it's not always work related. He's a bit secretive about it. I had a look on his phone yesterday and found a photo that she had sent to him of her tatoo. I asked him why this had been sent and he said i was over reacting - apparently over one of their dinners out DH has been trying to pursuade her to have a tatoo on her ankle as he finds it feminine. I'm afraid i lost the plot and shouted at him, saying i am starting to feel this relationship is inappropriate. He has told me i am being a fool. Now he has texted the woman and told her i am angry. He wants to phone her later. I don;t know how to feel''.

Is the answer still - 'chirst woman, it was only an ankle'?

There is more going on than you are aware of OP, as you have guessed yourself. It's not your fault - but it is time to recognise the fact that you are having an effect, even in innocence, and back right off.

[Fairenuff]

Looks like you put your foot in it OP.

< boom boom >

[vtechjazz]

At best this is a woman looking for a bit of fuss to be made over a new tattoo. Is it really so wrong to seek a teensy bit of attention over something you feel is a big deal?? Is life so dull that we can only interact in preset agreed formal statements??!!

[ovenbun]

Do we know what the tattoo is of? Because that would massively effect whether it's appropriate or not :)
If it's of his face for example....or a similar one to one his wife has..

[Thants]

It all depends if you two are flirty at al anyway. If not then this is fine. He is your friend who you wanted to show your tattoo to. I would show a new tattoo to my friends.
Maybe they have trust issues anyway. I don't think he needed to tell you either way. It's their business. He's just made you feel guilty for doing nothing wrong.

[dementedma]

Amazed at how many people would have problems with this. Dhs female colleagues Facebook and text him out or work hours as does a male colleague of mine who I am good friends with. Some very possessive partners out there!

[Thants]

Fairylea. Is your dh not allowed female friends then? I would show a new tattoo to both male and female friends if they were interested in tattoos.

[Pagwatch]

I will be my house this is nothing to do with the tattoo.

I wouldn't give a monkies if a collegue of dh sent him a picture of their tattoo because I understand hs relationships with his collegues, he is totally open and honest and I trust him.

I might have a problem if his relationships seemed ambiguous or overly intimate, if he was secretive and if I didn't trust him.

Op. I agree with others who have said he is enjoying the drama. I think also you may have misunderstood how he sees your relationship . I would say 'I would never intentionally upset your wife and, give that I have absoloutely no interest in you at all other than as a mate and a collegue I am a bit bewildered. So I am not going to text you unless its unavoidable. I am not getting involved in any way in your relationship'

[TheDoctrineOfSanta]

OP

I think when he calls you, I wouldn't go into whether your friendship was a secret or his relationship issues or anything, I'd just say, "your wife is unconfortable with our friendship, that's fair enough and we'll just keep it to professional interactions going forward." Or something like that.

All couples have behaviour they are OK with and behaviour they are not - you can see from the reactions on here that his wife wouldn't be alone in her reaction. And that's fine - the fun of bantering with him is not worth the upset it is causing someone else.

[NotYoMomma]

I wouldn't be impressed if my husband was recieving jokey texts and pictures of any body part of another woman tbf.

not appropriate

[RigglinRoundTheChristmasTree]

Tee yes I would have a problem, only due to DH having form for inappropriate, secretive relationships with female work colleagues before though

I am the only woman in my current workplace, it's heavily dominated with wannabe lotharios gentlemen. I've made sure DH has met most of them, we both talk about work often.

I wouldn't even consider sending a text like that, because unless tattoo artist is your industry I feel it would be extremely inappropriate for work. I'm of the old fashioned view that work is for work only, not for banter / jokey out of work texts. You're paid to do a job in those hours, that is it. Anything else remains in the office - including contact with colleagues.

[patienceisvirtuous]

I am not remotely jealous, and trusty DP completely but I wouldn't like this. It's inappropriate, crossing boundaries, and over- familiar. Especially the 'I win' part. It reads as a flirty 'in-joke'.

Play it down, learn from it and move on.

[SerotoninCanEatTomorrow]

I genuinely don't understand the paranoia shown by a lot of posters here! If OP sent that exact same message and pic to a female colleague NOBODY would think it was odd. Would the wife be upset if a male colleague did it? Would the wife be upset if a gay male colleague did it?

It's all a bit ridiculous IMO, some people are just too untrusting and I really feel for their partners.

[Floggingmolly]

has some vested interest in how you decorate your body. The only way the "I win" joke works is if you think he really cares where your tattoo is. Why on earth should he?
Well that's just it, isn't it? Not only did he talk her into the tattoo when she wasn't totally sure herself; but he then tried to dictate it's exact whereabouts, hence the "competition".
It's totally over involved for a colleague, I don't blame the wife for assuming there may be more to it than the op believes there is; there might well be on his part.
Time to distance yourself, op.

[diddl]

I also think that it's over involved for a colleague tbh.

But that's it isn't it-everything is shared with everyone now-there's no distinction.