Text, wife not impressed??

[SheldonsLeftFlipFlop]

I have an acquaintance / mate who I know via work. We've been on nights out in small groups and enjoy a laugh and joke.

A while back, we were talking about tattoos and I mentioned one that I was planning on my ankle. He said he really likes feminine ankle and foot tattoos. I'd said I wasn't 100% on getting it there and he kind of tried to talk me into it.

Anyway, I had said tattoo but at the bottom of my leg, slightly brushing my ankle. I sent him a picture of it with a jokey line and thought no more of it. I then got a reply ages later saying his wife wasn't impressed. I genuinely had no idea what he was on about, so just replied sorry?? He then text me this afternoon saying his wife had calmed down, but she thought it was inappropriate.

I honestly would never have thought I was crossing any boundaries by sending what I did. And we do text from time to time. But generally quite run of the mill stuff really. I'm a little bit annoyed that a picture of my ankle is being interpreted as anything untoward too.

He'll ring me tomorrow, so would I be unreasonable to say that I don't really want any part in his relationship issues, and nor am I comfortable with our friendship being treated by him as a secret (which I'm now assuming has been the case)?

[FluffyJumper]

Yes, the 'wife wasn't impressed' presumably meant she wasn't impressed with you i.e. that you had done something wrong. Not the case here I think. Those who are saying it was inappropriate presumably work in much more straight laced environments.

[SheldonsLeftFlipFlop]

Hmmm but why would the fact that they're "someone else's man" even be relevant when I become friends with someone?? If it helps, I'm bisexual, so presumably by that logic I shouldn't be friends with anybody at all as obviously I'll want them all and be unable to control myself??

If he were to have said to me that it was a bit raw because of past issues then I'd think no more of it and apologise profusely for any upset

And no it isn't strange at all to talk to my friends when their respective partners aren't present. In fact I can't say I've ever thought to check whether they were there or not really, unless they happen to mention that they're with someone or on their own or whatever.

For the record I have a lot of male friends, and haven't encountered anything like this before

[normalishdude]

Inappropriate to send it. IMO

[YouTheCat]

Are they property?

[wouldbemedic]

What an interesting row. But a bit exhausting. I'm sure the OP has long got bored and wandered off.

There's no consensus here at all - there never is in these threads because exclusivity within a marriage seems to be defined pretty much between the two people in it. Consequently I don't think it's possible to extrapolate anything about the relationship based on the wife's response.

If the OP genuinely wanted advice, I hope it's helped her to see that for many women, this text would have been a bit much, rightly or wrongly. So she'd be a fool to risk it again, with anyone, because it's a headache waiting to happen.

Personally, I think it's good form to err on the side of formality in a friendship with someone else's man.

[rootypig]

Awful approximately none of what you said is the OP's responsibility. If anything, the OP acknowledges there maybe such issues and is saying AIBU for not wanting to be any part of them.

Unless of course you think a woman who knows nothing about him or his relationship is more responsible for it than he is. Oh, wait.

[LeBearPolar]

Some women feel the need to own their man completely in every area.

Yes - this. The fact that according to some (and there do seem to be a lot on MN), women and men really can't be friends because it is scientifically impossible for them not to be shagging drives me up the wall.

[rootypig]

OP you are a fucking saint of remaining so equable in the face of this thread.

Sounds like a case of crossed wires, but you did nothing wrong if you meant nothing by it.

And you've already gone this route but lest said, soonest mended.

[StealthPolarBear]

beast, what I'm suggesting is that she may be being rationally possessive. Nothing to do with OP, but maybe she has reasons to not trust him

[FluffyJumper]

I always find it irritating on threads like this when if you say you're fine with your DH having friends then people say you're just trying to be cool. Er... no. Just happy for him to have friends and don't assume he wants to shag randoms or friends.

[Beastofburden]

Well I may be in the minority, but if I was that possessive and irrational, I think my DH would run for the hills. What is wrong with work friendships? Why can't they involve females being fond of your DH and having a joke? Not everything is about sex and betrayal. Friendships can matter a lot to people.

Some women feel the need to own their man completely in every area.

[SheldonsLeftFlipFlop]

I'm having a quote but kind of implemented into a dream sequence, on the side of my pelvic area. Bit hard to explain really! But it's a concept of reflection.

I'm very fortunate in that one of my best friends is a tattoo artist!

[StealthPolarBear]

Maybe the wife is upset because she knows she has reason to be

[Millenniumbug1]

It seems to me that your harmless text has been seen by his wife, out of context, & either blown up out of all proportion or used as the excuse she's needed to begin a dialogue with him about a whole raft of other issues.
In his shoes, wouldn't you just have said, "Oh yeah, Sheldon & her DH have had one hell of a year, this is their favourite song. We all said she should have it done on her foot but she's had it done on her ankle & sent us all a photo - lucky us!"
Just watch your back & keep it strictly business from now on. Sounds like you've had enough to cope with this year, you don't need someone dumping their bag of cr*p on your doorstep too.

(I hope you were always chaperoned, reaches for the smelling salts!)

[clickers123]

Maybe just show him it next time!

[YouTheCat]

What are you planning next, Sheldon?

I'm not sure what I want for my next one.

[SheldonsLeftFlipFlop]

Erm I never said I don't want to know about his relationship, I said I don't want to be part of any drama. And I stand by that as I don't want to be caught up in some drama that I have no control over!!

The pride I feel is very much symbolic of the pride I feel when I think of how DH has handled everything over the last year. For me it is a reminder of his incredible strength.

As for looking at DH's phone, I wouldn't dream of it. And I'd be furious if he looked at mine! If somebody wants to speak with either of us, they will contact us via our own phones. Just because we're in a relationship with each other doesn't mean we're an extension of each other. I value my privacy very highly and afford other people the same. To me it is totally disrespectful to deny your partner any sort of privacy!

And yes clearly I'm a cheap harlot beyond redemption as I have 3 in total and another being planned.

[YouTheCat]

I can't believe anyone thinks having a gander at their partner's texts is okay. It is an intrusion of privacy.

Deck, I have 2 on my chest and one on my arm - I am past saving.

[Topaz25]

Pagwatch, I didn't say "He must have a foot fetish." at all. Just a possible explanation of why he tried to talk OP into a tattoo in that area and his wife took an apparently innocent photo so badly. The truth is none of us knows what it's about except the people in the relationship, we're all just guessing.

[randomAXEofkindness]

pag I'm was alluding to the fact that we have no idea what this picture meant to the man or to his wife. I don't think it's reasonable for anybody to assume that she went over the top. The op has no idea what the wife's position is/whether she has one at all. We certainly don't.

Op, I'm sure you would be reasonable to say that you don't want to know anything about his private life with his wife (but then could you really call him your friend? That isn't something I'd ever say to one of my friends). I think you would be unreasonable to tell him that you are disappointed in him keeping you a secret, because you have no idea that he did, and why should he care how you feel anyway after you've just told him to keep his feelings to himself?

I like tattoo's, but I must have missed the post about why you were 'proud' of it op. Did you do it yourself?

Also, why don't people ever read their dp's texts? If dh's phone is sitting next to me and it beeps, I look at it - because I'm interested, not because I don't trust him. I must have missed the circular about mobile phones actually being secret diaries.

Anyway, I'm getting myself into loads of hot water here, I'd better shut it.

[moominmarvellous]

catgirl1976 - that post was hilarious! ??

I stopped reading after that, but if it's still relevant:

I think in hindsight, you could have just showed him the tattoo when you saw him next....but I also think she went OTT.

[Pagwatch]

God yes. He must have a foot fetish.
Coudn't just be a mismatch of boundaries and miscommunication. Goto be waaaaay more complicated than that.