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AIBU?

Text, wife not impressed??

272 replies

SheldonsLeftFlipFlop · 01/12/2013 20:41

I have an acquaintance / mate who I know via work. We've been on nights out in small groups and enjoy a laugh and joke.

A while back, we were talking about tattoos and I mentioned one that I was planning on my ankle. He said he really likes feminine ankle and foot tattoos. I'd said I wasn't 100% on getting it there and he kind of tried to talk me into it.

Anyway, I had said tattoo but at the bottom of my leg, slightly brushing my ankle. I sent him a picture of it with a jokey line and thought no more of it. I then got a reply ages later saying his wife wasn't impressed. I genuinely had no idea what he was on about, so just replied sorry?? He then text me this afternoon saying his wife had calmed down, but she thought it was inappropriate.

I honestly would never have thought I was crossing any boundaries by sending what I did. And we do text from time to time. But generally quite run of the mill stuff really. I'm a little bit annoyed that a picture of my ankle is being interpreted as anything untoward too.

He'll ring me tomorrow, so would I be unreasonable to say that I don't really want any part in his relationship issues, and nor am I comfortable with our friendship being treated by him as a secret (which I'm now assuming has been the case)?

OP posts:

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MatryoshkaDoll · 01/12/2013 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MatryoshkaDoll · 01/12/2013 21:13

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DirtyDancingCleanLiving · 01/12/2013 21:14

That is bizarre.

I would have no problem finding a photo of one of df's friends ankles on his phone.

Tits, arse, fanny = a problem

Ankle, arm, back = no problem

Can't believe some people would have a problem with this. A male friend/colleague has text me pics of his newest tattoo a few times. Tattoos are his passion, although I have just one myself I am fascinated by them and all of his are very artistic/clever. He talks about them in work, I tell him what I think of his idea...it's just banter, to let me see when it's done.

cantheyseeme · 01/12/2013 21:16

I have a lovely team member i work with and we get on real well, but i dont text him outside of work or anything because i dont think his OH would be best pleased, she added me on fb so he could keep in touch while im on mat leave which was lovely, but yus i think it was a bit inapproriate t

NewtRipley · 01/12/2013 21:17

I'd have to know more to decide what I think.

I think you are possibly flirting mildly with each other. I'm wondering why he's keen to keep you abreast of his wife's emotional state. That's none of your business so I'm wondering why he wants it to be. Could be warning you off. Alternatively, could be inviting you to criticise her. Not sure

MamaPingu · 01/12/2013 21:17

I kind of feel it shouldn't be a problem as it is only an ankle, but I also know I'd not be happy!! Sounds daft I think to get worked up over an ankle but I would definitely not be happy myself

Especially as another poster said he may have mentioned you to her as in we have a laugh or that you've been discussing tattoos and it's just all built up as a problem

Fairenuff · 01/12/2013 21:17

Why do people start threads and then disappear? Rude

Finola1step · 01/12/2013 21:18

I'm a bit in the fence here. For me, it would depend on the subtle nature of the texts, the frequency etc. If a female colleague if my dh's sent a photo if her tattoo, I would be a bit bemused no matter the body part. He has already told you that "he really likes feminine foot and ankle tattoos" so to send the photo may have been a bit naive on your part.

Step back from the colleague. Keep it all light and friendly at work. But stop the texts. Is there really a need to be texting a male married colleague outside of work?

NewtRipley · 01/12/2013 21:19

Fairenuff. Give her a chance! Maybe she didn't expect replies straightway, had to do something else.

MamaPingu · 01/12/2013 21:19

Fairenuff - I was thinking the same!

Fairenuff · 01/12/2013 21:22

What does she expect, that we will just talk amongst ourselves, waiting for her to return? Ah well, I'll be charitable and go with the 'she must be busy' line...

MatryoshkaDoll · 01/12/2013 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RunRabbit · 01/12/2013 21:23

YABU.

Showing your sexy ankle to other ladies husbands.

Hussy.

NewtRipley · 01/12/2013 21:24

Fairenuff

SaucyJack · 01/12/2013 21:24

So he talked you into getting a tattoo in a place HE finds attractive, you then send him private photos of said tattoo on your body...... and you're wondering what the wife's problem is? Hokay.

NewtRipley · 01/12/2013 21:25

Saucy

Yes, there is flirtation going on.

honeybunny14 · 01/12/2013 21:26

I wouldnt be ok with it no if it was my dp another woman sending any pics of any part of them

FluffyJumper · 01/12/2013 21:26

He said he really likes feminine ankle and foot tattoos.

If his wife knows this (very likely) then it would be reasonable of her to presume that your relationship is flirty.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 01/12/2013 21:28

Chatting about tattoos with a mate - fine.
Exchanging photos of tattoos with mates - fine.

Being talked into a tattoo by a mate because he thinks they're attractive, then sending him a photo of it - crossing a line.

It's all about context.

Monetbyhimself · 01/12/2013 21:28

A weird thing for you to do. Does your own partner/hudband know you've sent a picture ? What does he/she think ?

I think you are naive and this was innapropriate.

TravelinColour · 01/12/2013 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DirtyDancingCleanLiving · 01/12/2013 21:31

Is there really a need to be texting a male married colleague outside of work?

This attitude really shocks me. There is no NEED to text anyone, ever. You do it because you want to.

I text, facebook, whats app and snap chat lots of work colleagues/friends outside of work. Some are male, some female. Some single, others partnered or married.

Very weird attitude IMO

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SheldonsLeftFlipFlop · 01/12/2013 21:36

Sorry the phone rang just after I posted. But didn't realise that I was on a deadline!!

To clarify a few points. We're both married. I'd have no issue with any of DH'S friends sending him a picture of their new tattoo regardless of where it was. I was already planning the tattoo for either bottom of my leg or top of my foot. He was trying to sway me towards the foot, I opted for the bottom of my leg. Conversation took place over dinner and drinks with another guy from work. Very relaxed workplace, not a suit and tie kind of environment at all, everyone is very laid back. It's a heavily male dominated sector.
The text said "finished article.... I win :-P"
Normal texts are probably 70% work stuff and 30% personal or bantery texts, sometimes group messages.

I guess I just would never have given any sexual tones to my ankle

OP posts:

SheldonsLeftFlipFlop · 01/12/2013 21:38

Oh and yes DH knows about the text, which he doesn't have an opinion on, and the response which he thinks is odd.

OP posts:

cantheyseeme · 01/12/2013 21:41

IMO you are a bit naive, but hey ho now you know so wont make that mistake again

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