AIBU to feel upset my friend didn't lend me any money?

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

I've known him for 8 years as a neighbor and I have never asked to borrow money off him before .We have always got on and I consider him a friend .I hate asking to borrow money off anybody but needs must and he has plenty of it .I over spent today on brand new jacket for £15 which should have been £60 but I couldn't let it go and I was confident of borrowing against it . I have a direct debit which is due out tomorrow for (£12) and I've messed it up .I wish I hadn't asked now. My grandmother used to say to me the best way to lose a friend is to lend them money.I disagree with that because I always pay back my debts if I ever have them.Anyhow this supposed friend said to me I don't like lending money and refused to lend me any.AIBU to feel upset about this?

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

thanks everybody

[HyvaPaiva]

'but I couldn't let it go'

Yes you could. And should have. 'But I had to have it' is a really entitled way to think if you don't have your own resources and want (not need) a treat.

[shoofly]

Yabu - I think you're wrong to assume he has loads of money, he might be short at the moment. You have put him in an embarrassing position, he obviously feels bad about it because he apologised to you.

Chalk it up to experience and move on.

[rallytog1]

Even if something is a bargain, if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. YABU.

[Crikeyblimey]

Are you only apologising to him because you now know he doesn't trust you?

I'm confused.

He may well trust you implicitly but just doesn't want to lend you any money.

I think you really should be focussing on your finances instead of whether this person likes / trusts you.

[LittleBairn]

This is a really bizarre thread of course YABU I'm shocked that you don't understand your in the wrong. You knowingly left yourself short because you 'couldn't let it go' well now your going to be paying bank charges on it wasn't so cheap now was it!
Do you have problems with impulse control?

[YoDiggity]

Yes a real friend probably would help you out, if he could see that you really needed it. Shopping for clothes when you can't afford them is not most people's definition of need, but of foolishness.

[BackforGood]

Unbelievable!



The OP that is. Obviously the neighbour/friend is the one with their head screwed on.

[Beastofburden]

Shake, he's maybe a better friend than you realise. Youre not enjoying your financial situation, sympathy, that is hard.

First step is to stop with the impulsive stuff. Jackets, meh, the world is full of jackets. Once your money is sussed you can have jackets if you still care all that much.

I am going to guess you have debt? Go get some advice, sort out a budget, find a way to generate some more income.

Take control, sister. He's a good friend if he has made you think.

[LadyBeagleEyes]

You said you do lots of things for him, what kind of things do you do?

[Bunbaker]

"One of my neighbours has been lending the odd £10 off me for ages"

Why has your neighbour being lending money to you? Or do you mean borrowing off you?

[mrsjay]

take the coat back and buy a cheaper one poor man what a terrible position to put him in you made him feel guilty really find your grip and sort yourself out

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

thanks again everybody espc beastofburden) I take on board your comments and tbh honest i'm not upset with him but myself. When I see a good winter jacket like that I think it is money well spent even if you can't afford it. I knew if I left it in the charity shop it would have gone.Anyhow I will shut up now and just feel how miserable i am and rubbish life is when you have no money . Again thanks for all your advice it has helped me alot to put things into perspective.

[Beastofburden]

Don't be miserable, shake. There is a way out of this. There will be a time when you can generate more money, retrain, whatever. Don't give in

We all start out with nothing.

[LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot]

YABU, my money is tight, but my DD's belly being full and having warmth, means more to me than a new coat or anything else, i'll go without, and maybe someone might contribute for something for xmas or birthday.

My friend lends me a bit if i need to but electricity on but she gets it back and if she was tight then i'd lend it to her.

I wouldnt have the expectation of her to lend it to me nor would she of me.

[SugarMouse1]

YABU

How good is this friend? How long have you known him? Have you ever lent him money? Most people would ask family first

For all you know, he could have been badly stung by lending someone money in the past, I have, so now I just have a rule that I don't lend anyone money. I lent some to an ex once, he always promised it was a one off emergency, would pay me back, etc, etc, really he was just an idiot that was shit with money and spent it all on fags, booze and takeaways.

Trust me, there is rarely ever a genuine reason to lend someone money and it's not just them being shit with money. You won't get it back.

[FoxyRoxy]

Something isn't money well spent if you don't actually have the money to spend. Yabu, you know yabu.

[Bettercallsaul1]

If I understand you correctly, OP, you were hoping to borrow quite a small amount of money (£12 or £15) for couple of weeks to be able to pay your standing order without problems, and you thought your friend/neighbour wouldn't mind helping you out as he appears to be quite well off.

If you fully intended to pay him back the money very soon - and you felt the loan wasn't placing him in any difficulty - I can see why you feel a bit surprised and even hurt that he would't oblige.

I think the problem might have been that he was afraid that a precedent was being set for future loans and he didn't want your hitherto friendly relationship to be complicated in this way. It always changes the balance of a friendship when one person feels that the other has another, ulterior motive for being friends.

[YoureBeingASillyBilly]

You wanted someone to
Lend you money to buy a jacket when you cant pay your bills?

Hes doe you a favour by saying no. Learn your lesson!

[elskovs]

Gosh I just read the other replies - seems I am the only one who would expect a friend to lend me money.

I dont mind that I dont always get back money Ive lent, I see it as a good way of weeding out users.

Im sorry you are skint OP. Sounds lousy if you cant afford to buy a coat in a charity shop!

Bunbaker - check your own grammar before being a smart arse know it all. Cos its crap.

[noisytoys]

YABU. I've had years when I couldn't afford a decent coat, I wore lots of layers with a rain mac on top. It's not ideal but you need to live to your means.

[somewheresomehow]

YABU get your priorities right , why should someone lend money just because they are loaded they ain't a bank

[Mushypeasandchipstogo]

Go and apologise to him at once! YABVVU and have put him in an embarrassing position.

[MichaelaS]

Get some budgeting advice then live within your means. It is tough but once you are in control you will know exactly whether you have money for this sort of purchase or not.

My DH and I use a budgeting method taught by CAP. They have short free courses all over the country. It really works and we know exactly how much we have each week. If I have money left from each weeks allowance then I can blow it on wine, or extra clothes, or whatever. Or save it / reduce debt if I'm feeling good. But that's once I know all the bills, debt payments, Christmas saving pot etc have already been paid because of how the method works.

Lots of charities run that sort of free advice, go along to one, what have you got to lose?

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

everybody I get it now I appreciate all your words of advice (negative or positive) and I am very grateful.

ps elskovs I like your style