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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being a spoilt brat?

368 replies

NancyShrew · 13/11/2013 20:17

Engagment is potentially the cards for DP and I Grin and I have spied a couple of potential rings that I might like. These rings are all round about £5k, which I think is a fair bit of money to spend on a ring! DP earns reasonably well, but it would require some savings on his part, probably taking about a year for him to save enough for the ring I want.

I have a feeling that DH wants to get engaged soon, as in the next six months, when presumably I would have to have a cheaper ring. We are still in our twenties so time is on our side. AIBU to want him to wait and save for the ring of my dreams? He's a generous man and I know he wouldn't begrudge spending that much money, think he's just a bit impatient!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/11/2013 20:20

How much will you be spending on him?

Sirzy · 13/11/2013 20:20

Sounds like the ring is more important to you than the actual engagement.

Surely there are much better things you could spend the money on if its something which is going to take 12 months to save for?

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 13/11/2013 20:20

Er. Yes. Yabab (you are being a brat). Hth.

Mylovelyboy · 13/11/2013 20:21

OP this ring will be on your finger for the rest of your life (hopefully). You might as well have what you want as you are going to be looking at it for the next 50 years. As you say he is a generous man. Let him save and buy it. You are not a spoilt brat at all. Who wants a diamond engagement ring that you can only see through a magnifying glass.

Roshbegosh · 13/11/2013 20:22

If it takes a year to save for the ring you want you will be pensioners before you can afford your wedding. Do you have a house already?

ihatethecold · 13/11/2013 20:23

Sorry but you sound spoilt.
Would you still want to marry him if he didn't have the sort of money this ring will cost?

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 13/11/2013 20:23

Yabu. No-one needs a £5k ring. Would you actually wear it?

Is it about the ring or the engagement? You sound like your priorities are all wrong. You could put that money towards the wedding.

Original poster
NancyShrew · 13/11/2013 20:23

It's not more important at all, if we were in a rush to get married or he couldn't afford it I'd be more than happy with a smaller ring! But he can afford it with a bit of saving and I want something I look at and think "wow" for the rest of my life!

I'm not spending anything on DP, he's said he doesn't want an engagement ring, but if he did want one, I'd be perfectly happy to save in the same way!

OP posts:
NewtRipley · 13/11/2013 20:23

Crikey

That's a lot of money. Wasn't the (made up by De Beers) guideline 1 months' 9of the man's Hmm salary?

I'd say you've got your priorities a bit skew whiff.

0utnumbered · 13/11/2013 20:24

I would of been happy with a ring that cost a tenner from Argos. It was the fact that my fiance wanted to make a lifelong commitment to me that made me happy.

Plus, with a ring that expensive, would you not be worried about it getting lost or damaged?

I think you are being a brat sorry.

cornflakegirl · 13/11/2013 20:24

If you want it that much, why don't you pay the difference?

Yes, you are being a brat.

NewtRipley · 13/11/2013 20:24

I think you should go halves.

Mylovelyboy · 13/11/2013 20:24

When I got engaged to my ex-dh I bought him a pair of cuff links for an engagement present. They cost me £160. My ring was 6k Blush, Generally when people get engaged I have never heard of the woman spending the same amount on the man as he did the ring. And please dont start on equality everyone. Engagements just dont work like that

Strumpetron · 13/11/2013 20:25

Is this the same DP that went to a strip bar, got a private dance and you bought a £1500 bag Grin

I take it you made up with him then?

Original poster
NancyShrew · 13/11/2013 20:25

We have separate plans for wedding saving and I'm not after an expensive wedding anyway, considering eloping.

OP posts:
Mylovelyboy · 13/11/2013 20:26

new go halves Shock Never heard of a woman doing that before with her engagement ring. fuck blow that, rather not have one Grin

WorraLiberty · 13/11/2013 20:26

I just couldn't marry someone who was trying to squeeze £5,000 out of me just so they can say 'wow' when they look at their finger.

I agree with Newt, why not go halves?

Original poster
NancyShrew · 13/11/2013 20:26

Yes strumpetron it is Grin. Part of the reason I want a big ring is so I can shove it up his arse if he ever gets a private dance again Grin

OP posts:
QueenofallIsee · 13/11/2013 20:26

Yeah, total brat. Marriage is the point, not jewellery.

if you want a v expensive ring then pay half or wait for an eternity ring once you are married and settled.

Sirzy · 13/11/2013 20:27

If he has to save for a year to afford one ring then he can't really afford it can he.

I still think YABU and are more interested in the ring on your finger than the actual engagement.

Handbagsonnhold · 13/11/2013 20:27

An engagement ring always used to be around a months salary....but that's probably really old fashioned now!!!! ShockAre you planning a long engagement or a quiet wedding? Just thinking if it takes a year to save for a ring....to save for the wedding could take forever....

WorraLiberty · 13/11/2013 20:27

And please dont start on equality everyone. Engagements just dont work like that

Engagements are a personal thing and they work however you want them to work.

mrscumberbatch · 13/11/2013 20:27

Just get A ring that you like, you can always upgrade later.

Strumpetron · 13/11/2013 20:27

You can sell the bag, put the money towards a vairy expensive ring maybe Wink

Original poster
NancyShrew · 13/11/2013 20:27

Hadn't thought of going halves! I'd actually be more than happy to as money will be joint on marriage anyway.

OP posts: