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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being a spoilt brat?

368 replies

NancyShrew · 13/11/2013 20:17

Engagment is potentially the cards for DP and I Grin and I have spied a couple of potential rings that I might like. These rings are all round about £5k, which I think is a fair bit of money to spend on a ring! DP earns reasonably well, but it would require some savings on his part, probably taking about a year for him to save enough for the ring I want.

I have a feeling that DH wants to get engaged soon, as in the next six months, when presumably I would have to have a cheaper ring. We are still in our twenties so time is on our side. AIBU to want him to wait and save for the ring of my dreams? He's a generous man and I know he wouldn't begrudge spending that much money, think he's just a bit impatient!

OP posts:
TeaJunky · 13/11/2013 20:54

I'm quite surprised at so many people who would be afraid to wear expensive jewellery.

I don't but in the Asian culture/communities, married women wear a set of gold bangles for everyday wear that can range from anything between 5k upwards. It's considered normal.

Mylovelyboy · 13/11/2013 20:54

My ex-dh proposed in Dubai. He was paraletic. Anyway we swayed stood outside a jewellers at the hotel that evening and he said 'pick the one you want'. Well me being a materialistic greedy fucker sensible person pointed my greedy finger at one I thought to be middle of the road priced. Anyway the next day when he said 'Lets go get the ring' he was hit with 6k bill. (uk sterling) Blush, Must point out he could easily afford it as had a very good job in London. I thought it was wonderful and I was so happy (so I thought) Now the moral of my story is this. Don't think having a 5k ring will make you happy. I loved flashing my ring about but my marriage was the most awful 6 years of my life. I still have the ring and at least one day If I become more skint than I am now at least I can sell it Sad.

Original poster
NancyShrew · 13/11/2013 20:54

I don't want to discuss is with DP because believe it or not I am not grabby to the point of throwing a strop so I get an expensive ring. I will be happy with whatever ring DP gives me even if it isn't my dream one.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/11/2013 20:55

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Sharpkat · 13/11/2013 20:55

I received an £8k ring after knowing my ex for 3 weeks and 1 day Shock

Yes, I love it, but we split up 2 years later so an expensive ring is no guarantee of a happy long life together Hmm

Have you also looked at how much it costs to insure a £5k ring??? Mine would add £700 a year to my contents insurance. It becomes a very very expensive ring in the long term.

I wish I had had something smaller, cheaper and more meaningful and not a relationship in which cash was flashed all of the time and ultimately led to us splitting up.

Just saying b

HungryHorace · 13/11/2013 20:56

Yes, you are being bratty.

I told my now DH that I didn't want him to spend more than a vou

HungryHorace · 13/11/2013 20:57

Oops.

Couple of hundred quid.

Later on I found out that he'd spent almost £800 and I gave him a gentle telling off (I love my ring though!).

I'd be scared to wear a £5k ring!

Mylovelyboy · 13/11/2013 20:58

tea I agree with you. As long as its insured then cannot see the problem. I have (and i'm not boasting) a very expensive Rolex watch which was present from my ex-dh. I wear it all day and every day. Why hide it all away. Its there to be worn and you might as well enjoy it. No good stuffing it in a box under the floor boards.

littletreesmum · 13/11/2013 20:59

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dreamingbohemian · 13/11/2013 21:00

Why on earth would you give up a holiday with friends to buy him a watch?

OP think about this for a second. If this really is the guy for you, then you're going to be spending the next fifty, sixty years together. An entire lifetime. There will be so much time to buy each other watches and rings and handbags. And they will mean even more to you because they will be part of a shared life, a life you're building together.

Right now you are just dating. Enjoy it, have fun, be in love, go crazy. Don't worry about money and expensive gifts and all that stuff. Just be happy with each other.

lifesgreatquestions · 13/11/2013 21:01

I'm on your side op. I had a horrible ring. Every timer I looked at it I hated it. Get what you want if you can, going halves is a great idea if it helps you get it more quickly.

Shakey1500 · 13/11/2013 21:01

YABU

FWIW I have no idea how much my engagement ring cost/is worth.

bellablot · 13/11/2013 21:01

I can see your point but you are being a bit of a brat

NoArmaniNoPunani · 13/11/2013 21:02

Both my rings together were just over 5k. I bought them myself though, and DH's wedding band, which was 2k. I think if you expect the bloke to pay he gets to choose the budget

softlysoftly · 13/11/2013 21:02

You totally need that ring go fur it babes!

so when you catch him shagging his secretary you can pawn it for a decent divorce lawyer

TwllBach · 13/11/2013 21:02

Seeeeeee now I am the other way round, sort of, to OP. I want a ring as quick as fucking possible and I don't care how expensive it is. I have seen ones in Argos that I think are nice, and if he gave it to me in a box I wouldn't have a clue how to tell if it was expensive or not!

DP on the other hand wants a nice expensive ring to give me.

We do not earn enough for a fancy ring.

TeaJunky · 13/11/2013 21:02

Yes but some people don't want a £100 ring if they can afford something more expensive.

I don't understand what's wrong with that.

Engagements/weddings are all about gold/ expensive jewellery. Yes yes, And marrying the love of your life, of course, but that's the marriage bit. A wedding is something completely separate Grin

comemulledwinewithmoi · 13/11/2013 21:03

I don't think you are being a brat. I wish I had a big ring, hoping for upgrade at some point.

NoAddedSuga · 13/11/2013 21:04

My god, i remember that strip club thread..

I wouldn't marry him in a million years.

Sounds like you have very high standards on rings, but very low standards on men..

Your priorities are all wrong woman!

FiveExclamations · 13/11/2013 21:04

But surely you will need to discuss it with DP at some point, you're talking about the rings you'd like, how are you going to tell DP unless you discuss it.

Discussing doesn't have to involve stropping.

"Darling, I don't want to suggest something over budget, what do you have in mind?"

poocatcherchampion · 13/11/2013 21:04

well my ring was half that price and is easily the most expensive thing we own' followed by dh's wedding band and the piano. I love love love my ring and we had it made for us.

I do expect my marriage to last and it is a very happy one but I'm not sure the cost of the ring has anything to do with that.

from what other posters have written on this thread it sounds like your chap may not be practically perfect in every way...

Tabby1963 · 13/11/2013 21:05

Quote and I want something I look at and think "wow" for the rest of my life!

Nancy, you could look at your husband and think that, for nothing!

Heartbrokenmum73 · 13/11/2013 21:05

Some grabby fuckers on this thread...

softlysoftly · 13/11/2013 21:06

poo I think it's more the cost of strippers than the cost of the ring causing some doubt on this one!

vtechjazz · 13/11/2013 21:08

Op, why not let your dp buy whatever ring he likes for you now.....then get him to save up for an eternity ring of your dreams??

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