Am I being a spoilt brat?

[NancyShrew]

Engagment is potentially the cards for DP and I and I have spied a couple of potential rings that I might like. These rings are all round about £5k, which I think is a fair bit of money to spend on a ring! DP earns reasonably well, but it would require some savings on his part, probably taking about a year for him to save enough for the ring I want.

I have a feeling that DH wants to get engaged soon, as in the next six months, when presumably I would have to have a cheaper ring. We are still in our twenties so time is on our side. AIBU to want him to wait and save for the ring of my dreams? He's a generous man and I know he wouldn't begrudge spending that much money, think he's just a bit impatient!

Me and dh got engaged at 19. My ring didn't cost a lot (although it is beautiful) as at the time he had a low paid job. 16 years later and he could easily afford a flashier ring and even asked me once if I wanted a bigger one. My answer was no. It wouldn't matter how big and sparkly it was, as worra said, mine is priceless. Fwiw, all my friends who have had outrageously expensive rings have been divorced within a few years. May not have been the rings fault though .

thecraic fucking hell that nearly killed me hahaha

I have a sneaky suspicion my DP is saving for a ring. God dammit man just get me a cheap one so we can be engaged and stuff

Even if DH had the money for a £5k ring when we got engaged I wouldn't have wanted to wear something that cost that much.

My ring is one left to me by my nan.

Because of that we got engaged at the right time for us (24) and married 2 years later.

Now DH and I both earn a good wage, own our own home and cars, and have decent holidays and we are still in our 20's.

Would I rather have waited til now for him to get me an expensive ring?
No! Not at all.

Marriage was the important thing to us, not the ring, not how expensive the day was.

BTW-5k . You lack ambition.

The posts about buying antique rings or how to get a ring cheaper are missing the point I think.... I am pretty sure the whole point of the 5k ring here is to be able to blurt out at any opportunity let it slip out that it cost 5k

When we got engaged, DH was earning a lot less than he is now but i have a lovely engagement ring. I did mention that one day I would like an eternity ring and 5 years after being married and for my 40th, DH took me out to a jewellers and said pick what you want, no limit. I was gob smacked, and obviously didn't push him to the limit where he cried or I know would have been too much, but I have a gorgeous eternity ring, and won't disclose price, cos then I would be a smug showy off bitch.

I didn't have an engagement ring either
It's only been five years but I do still look at DH and think Wow

OP, in 2 minds here - do you want the ring because it's a designer brand? Or is it the cut which you cannot find a comparison to? Basically, if it's the first then YADBU - there are some beautiful rings available from non-designer companies that are much higher quality. If it's the second then YANBU. It's your ring, you'll wear it for the rest of your life so if you don't love it then you'll regret it. Just don't spend 5k on a showpiece name.

Gamerchick 'want to climb inside somebody love' is brilliant. Where did that come from?

I cannot relate to your desire for an expensive ring at all because I'm not interested in jewelry in the slightest and to me, spending that amount of money on a ring is nuts. However, I do understand that we are all different. Looking at it from your pov if he is going to spend thousands on a ring anyway you may as well have one you like...I guess. I just don't understand waiting to get engaged for that long just because you demand a crazily expensive ring. It really isn't about the ring, not for me anyway!

My ex bought me a ring that was more than he initially wanted to spend. (2k) I loved it. I often looked at it and thought 'wow'. Didn't stop us being unhappily married, or getting divorced. It's a shame it's just sitting in a box right now. I understand where you're coming from. It just doesn't look good written down.

I don't want it because it's 5k, the reason is I've found the ring of my dreams and all the ones of a similar size, with similar stones and cuts are around the 5k mark, it's not a tiffany/boodles piece.

Strumpetron Great minds think alike.

I don't want a huge, expensive ring. I want a marriage. Bloody well hurry up and ask me

You are supposed yo look at your husband and say wow for the rest of your life, wow isn't he funny, wow isn't he kind, wow isn't he sexy, wow isn't he interesting.

Not wow he bought me an expensive ring :(

The ONLY reason you want a blingy ring is to show off to your friends and family!

If you really wanted to marry this guy, you truly wouldn't give two hoots what you had on your finger!

A £5k ring is no indication of how much somebody loves you, neither does it make up for anybody not being quite the person you want them to be. It is just a £5k ring.

How about you link to the ring, then ask the Style and Beauty ladies to find one just like it but costing less? Bet you they can!!!!

Try and listen to what you are saying. Try and imagine your DP suggesting you wait a year longer to move in together because he wants a motorbike first. It's basically the same thing. Grow up and shrink your ring dreams.

When DH and I got engaged, we went to choose a ring a few days after (he wanted to pick something I'd like). We had a quick chat about budget and what we'd like the ring to look like and cost - he was more generous than I'd have wanted but it's a lot smaller than some of the posts on here suggest, about £750 which was a huge amount for us (both in our thirties in London and in the process then of buying our first house). It's beautiful and classy and I don't worry about wearing it every day - unlike a friend of mine who was given a family heirloom ring which was 4 carats and feels scared about wearing it in public. Tbh OP I think it's something you could decide between you but I think spending all that money when you could be putting it into something like a house deposit fund seems a little bit daft when you could have something beautiful for a fraction of the cost.

Just to add some balance....my engagement ring cost 4k. I LOVE it. I look at it every day and it makes me smile. It reminds me how much DH loves me and wants me to be happy. It took him a year to pay for it. However, I only know this because I found the receipt when tidying. I was at the money he spent and he knew I would be, hence trying to hide it. At that point though we had no debts, no dc and separate finances. His money, his choice. I wouldn't have spent that much, but I do love it...the sentiment is more important than the money, but you don't have to have a ten quid ring to prove you're in love either

I think you ought to check your priorities. If you love this man and want to marry him, you should be thrilled that he may propose. Whilst we might all have 'the perfect ring', in truth the perfect ring is the one that is used to pop the question.

Yes yabab.

I wear expensive rings. I have never found out what they cost (except my wedding band which we bought together). Dh has hinted at the expense.

Thing is I never asked for them. I had no expectation of engagement ( was happy to remain unmarried). Dh is not a high earner but has family money & presumably decided to spend big on me.

I don't think it's what the ring costs but how pretty it is. I really don't get women who dictate what ring they want, let alone the price tag. But you are not alone in your grabby-ness.

Older women i know who got engaged young (& poorer) just upgrade their engagement ring in later life, have the stones reset or wear a nice eternity ring.

Let your dp choose what to buy you. Mention style/cut if you must otherwise be happy with what you get.