Am I being a spoilt brat?

[NancyShrew]

Engagment is potentially the cards for DP and I and I have spied a couple of potential rings that I might like. These rings are all round about £5k, which I think is a fair bit of money to spend on a ring! DP earns reasonably well, but it would require some savings on his part, probably taking about a year for him to save enough for the ring I want.

I have a feeling that DH wants to get engaged soon, as in the next six months, when presumably I would have to have a cheaper ring. We are still in our twenties so time is on our side. AIBU to want him to wait and save for the ring of my dreams? He's a generous man and I know he wouldn't begrudge spending that much money, think he's just a bit impatient!

OP where have you gone? There's a lot of good advice here.

OP, you've had a very hard time on here. I can't believe someone said the ring was something out of a Christmas cracker, and others have been taking the piss out of your relationship!
I think the ring is beautiful, I have one similar for approx half the price. Go to Hatton Garden or the jewellery quarter in Birmingham and you'll get better value for money. I don't think the ring is OTT or showy, everyone has different priorities when it comes to money.

Also, me and my husband discussed marriage before he proposed, what's wrong with that?? After the proposal starts the wedding planning and announcements to friends and family, so it is significant and a very exciting time. Lots of superior kill joys on mumsnet today!

Also OP if you really want the £5k ring nothing wrong with that if you want DP to buy it then either he saves, payment plan through jeweller or credit card.

Also nothing wrong if you want beaver brooks etc its your choice. A few women I know prefer eg Bulgari or tiffanys eg either the name or the sort of ring you want from there

But I would suggest speaking to DP about this maybe compromise, me i can't tell a £ ring from a ££££ ring well j can but you can buy passable fakes. If this ring really makes you happy great but maybe think if say Dp couldn't afford this ring would you be happy with smaller ring and just being engaged? Just a thought

No accounting for taste eh?
OP I think you need to look deeper into diamonds & how they are valued before you make your final selection...complex stones they are.

They are very complicated - the first thing to realise is that with all the knowledge in the world you'll never know their real value in a ring.... You need to see the diamond in a lab without the ring to see its real value. So there's no point comparing rings with friends! Also you have to blindly trust someone when you buy or sell a diamond because you won't be able to truly discern a good diamond from a bad diamond unless you are in a lab and can see the diamond through a microscope ! We normally use a loupe but microscopes are best!

I think 5k is an excessive amount to spend on a ring, unless you have millions sat in the bank.

Let him spend the money he wants to spend. It is a gift from him and, somehow, if you dictate the cost, it becomes less of a gift...

Think carefully. He may be generous now but later on, he could resent it if he feels you are making excessive demands on him, or putting a ring above your relationship. You don't want that.

how can you possibly consider engagement to this man when all you care about is the cost of the ring?

OP I do feel if you to push a man into buying a particular ring then this indicates a mismatch in expectations. I was bought a great ring but if DH had wanted to take me to H Samuel for whatever sensible reason I would have been fine with that (as long as it was clear he wasn't being tight, as tight blokes are hard to raise families with).

I think the op is getting a hard time. I can kind of see where you are coming from. I don't wear jewellery so needed a ring I would be happy to wear everyday for the rest of my life. I had it picked before I met my dh. Mine was 1500, but not a diamond ring or traditional engagement ring at all and I've honestly never seen another like it (although of course I assume there are plenty as the company didn't just make one!) I can't see the point in spending 5k on a ring when you can buy an almost identical one (albeit inferior stones and metal) at hsamuels and know that the vast majority of people won't know the difference!

Oh and if mine had cost 15 or 150 I would have been just as happy, as long as it was fit for purpose and I could see myself wearing it I was happy. Dh very nearly bought me an engagement watch convinced as he was I wouldn't have stomached wearing a ring!

Yabu. It should be about getting engaged not getting a pretty ring. The amount you are proposing is obscene to spend on a ring. Buy yourself jewellery if you want it to cost that much. Are you buying him anything?

I'm on the fence here - my ring was about that, and I do look at it every day and love it and get frequent compliments (it's antique with diamonds and other gems so quite unusual).

But would I have wanted to wait for a year just to get it? Probably not.

I love it but I do worry about losing it because could not be replaced as easily because antique.

I bought a cheepo silver glass bling from Argos because we were broke. Nobody has ever noticed and I love it. That was how we paid for a holiday that year. Each to his own though

Dh spent 1k on mine which was a months wage when he was 18 at the time of the propsal. Mine is antique and very individual. If I was spending 5k I wouldnt get it from a high street jeweller. I would be concerned over quality.

OP - it's a pretty ring, I really like it. I think other posters have pointed out that it is possible to get a ring of that quality and size for considerably less so it's worth shopping around and making the effort.
YABNU for lusting after it, YABU to do anything other than point out the styles you like idly in passing and relate stories about a mate who saved thousands going to Antwerp/Hatton Garden/buying at auction etc etc.
YA definitely B v v v U to delay an engagement until a giant rock can be sourced. If you are prepared to spend a year saving a comparable sum to buy your DP a pricey watch or similar then feel free but otherwise it's just a horrid double standard I think.

OP its a pretty ring if you like that sort of look but to be quite honest, for £5K I'd expect at least a VVS if not a Loupe Clean central stone, and River (D) rather than Wesselton H/G.

If you are seriously thinking about spending that kind of money, I'd do a bit more research into what you're actually getting for it.

I also think the setting is far too raised for everyday wear.

You might want to look here. You wouldn't spend £5k on anything else without doing some proper research!