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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a judge should not be able to stop a mother from breast feeding?

373 replies

HolidayArmadillo · 09/11/2013 22:09

m.wfmz.com/Judge-orders-Northampton-Co-mother-to-stop-breastfeeding/-/15946050/22880612/-/1yrm3wz/-/index.html

If this is true I think this judge has been wholly out of order. What about this child's rights? And any father worth their salt would not demand this.

OP posts:
pointyfangs · 09/11/2013 22:13

I saw this too and my first thought was to wonder how selfish a father has to be to demand this sort of sole access with his child is still breastfeeding. Sounds as if he wants to get back at his ex and nothing more.

PeppiNephrine · 09/11/2013 22:14

in those circs, prob not, but sometimes it might be appropriate.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 09/11/2013 22:15

Wow! That is ridiculous! I actually can't beleive it's legal. It wouldn't be here would it? Could a British judge do that?

bundaberg · 09/11/2013 22:16

technically he hasn't ordered her to stop breastfeeding though, has he.

I am hugely pro-breastfeeding. But I can also see it from the other side. I wouldn't want to NEVER be allowed to have my own child by myself. I don't think many people would.

this father wants a relationship with his child, and he should be allowed to have that.

I think there is compromise on BOTH sides. He ought to not insist on overnight stays.
She ought to at least consider letting him see his child during the day. SHe's 10 months, she can go a day without a breastfeed, plenty of babies in childcare do

Monetbyhimself · 09/11/2013 22:16

There are plenty of controlling men who would demand exactly that sadly.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 09/11/2013 22:16

When Peppi? Genuine question. I can't think of any circumstances.

Astarael · 09/11/2013 22:16

Some really nasty women hating comments underneath though Sad

bundaberg · 09/11/2013 22:17

and even if the child does end up going away for a couple of nights however often, that doesn't mean the parent has to give up breastfeeding

CoffeeTea103 · 09/11/2013 22:17

What bundaberg said.

PeppiNephrine · 09/11/2013 22:18

I remember one case where a judge ordered a hiv+ mother to stop breastfeeding, which I did agree with.

WooWooOwl · 09/11/2013 22:19

I think it would be a very difficult case to judge, and the Judge's decision may have been dependant on the circumstances surrounding this child's birth.

The substitute for breast milk that we have available is too good and too widely used for it to be as simple as 'the baby still has breast milk so cannot spend a night with her father'.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 09/11/2013 22:19

What about the child's rights to spend time exclusively with her father?

The Judge has to weigh up what is in the best interests of the child - receive some formula at 10 months, spend time with father and build relationship or not spend that exclusive, overnight time with father and continue to be breastfed at 10 months

To be honest, I think the article is highly misleading. Obviously I haven't see the order but I highly doubt that it specifically orders no breast feeding - I don't event think that would be competent. What mother is saying is that it puts in place possible barriers to her breastfeeding on the days that the daughter has over-night contact. That is not the same thing.

Speaking as someone who exclusively expressed for 5.5 months for my 11 month old DS, there is an option to continue to give breast milk during the contact visits as the mothet could give expressed bottles. Even if she diesnt want to do that, she could pump and dump Hilary the daughter is away to keep her supply up

SaucyJack · 09/11/2013 22:19

YABU in these circumstances. It is more vital to a child's overall well-being to have a healthy relationship with their father, than it is to receive breast milk fro the breast.

There's nothing to stop the mother expressing.

MidniteScribbler · 09/11/2013 22:19

It doesn't soundlike she has been ordered to, just that the judge asked why she couldn't have formula to facilitate overnight visits. I think there's pprobably a lot more to this story.

Cluffyflump · 09/11/2013 22:19

Shock didn't W.H.O recommend bf for 4yrs (incl 'developed' countries)?

colleysmill · 09/11/2013 22:20

When I read the link it wasn't massively clear if this is in the UK or the US. It talks of northampton county rather than northamptonshire so I'm guessing US?

Original poster
HolidayArmadillo · 09/11/2013 22:20

I agree a loving father should be able to see their child but ultimately the breast feeding relationship is such a short one yet so beneficial to he child it is incredibly selfish to try and cut it short.

OP posts:
Strumpetron · 09/11/2013 22:21

Well the thing is if they want joint custody and she was using breast feeding as an excuse to deny it, what else could they do? The mother has said she can't express.

I'm a MASSIVE breast feeding advocate by the way, but I don't think it should be used as a reason to deny joint access.

bundaberg · 09/11/2013 22:22

cluffy... who recommendations are "at least" 2 years iirc

i think there is a strong argument for not jeopardising the breastfeeding relationship.

i think there is also a strong argument for a child having a relationship with her father.,

i think there are ways around this which don't need to involve either stopping breastfeeding or preventing access.

SantanaLopez · 09/11/2013 22:22

I am sure there is a bigger backstory than is being reported.

I am on the fence. What if the mother decides to breastfeed until the child is 4?

Original poster
HolidayArmadillo · 09/11/2013 22:24

And I know that there isn't anything wrong with formula but whilst breast feeding is working it seems crazy to stop if neither the mother or child wants to.

OP posts:
Mylovelyboy · 09/11/2013 22:24

Just read the link. I think the Judge is a complete arsehole to be honest. Its the mothers choice if she wants to breast feed her child, not some jumped up prat that probably does not live in the real world. I am sure the baby could have formula at 10 months. I only breast fed for two weeks. But for someone to dictate to the mother in this way is awful. I do feel the child should be seeing its father, but if its during other times at the moment whilst the child is still feeing from its mother then so be it. The laws/rules i this country are getting out of hand. Really feel for the mother Sad

pigletmania · 09/11/2013 22:24

Te judge dident order hero stop breastfeeding, I ajar eye baby will take formula eventually. Mum can buy an electric breast pump and pump at various times in the day to keep supply up, and bf when aby is back. Who recommends bf fr 2 years, te father should not have to wait that long before he is allowed to take his child

Original poster
HolidayArmadillo · 09/11/2013 22:25

Thing is if that baby has never had a bottle then it may refuse to take one.

OP posts:
MrsMook · 09/11/2013 22:26

I notice that it appears to be an American story. A British judge might not make the same rulings.

When DS was 10m he was still dependent on BFing, especially through nightfeeds. I couldn't express a meaningful amount. He flatly refused bottles. Unknown to us for a couple of months longer, he had milk allergies and soya intolerance. Forcing him onto formula would have made him very ill. Sometimes it's not as easy as just giving some bottles of formula.