To think a judge should not be able to stop a mother from breast feeding?

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If this is true I think this judge has been wholly out of order. What about this child's rights? And any father worth their salt would not demand this.

Some women stop bf at 3, 4 years, it would e unfair to expect the father to wait that long until he can take his child for contact

Breastfeeding is beneficial and I am very pro bfing. But at ten months old, the baby doesn't need breast milk as much as she needs to bond with her secondary carer.

Plenty of babies stop bfing at around 10 months, and are not only fine, they have excellent health. In this country at this time, breast milk is not so important to a child's health and well being that it must be considered above all else.

I think the circumstances the child was born into matter. If the mother has known since her baby was very young that she was likely to have to let her baby go for contact with her father, then she could have prepared for the situation.

she doesn't have to stop breastfeeding. and if they were to come to a compromise she also would not have to give formula

the fact that it made it to court suggests that one or both of them were unwilling to make amicable arrangements,

plenty of babies go to nursery and are still breastfed at that age. they just have food and drinks during the day.
It's a shame in this case that the parents couldn't have arranged something like that so it didn't end up going to court and the father being awarded overnight stays.

But the father isn't cutting it short

The mother can give expressed milk or at least express to keep her supply up - it will be well established at that stage

The alternative view is that the mother is incredibly selfish to attempt to put in place a barrier to exclude overnight contact with the father when breastfeeding can still be continued for the vast majority of the time and, even during g the contact, by way of expressed formula

Honestly - I do think in 10 years time that the child would rather have hopefully built a close relationship with her father than miss out on a few breastfeeds a few times a week at 10 months

Again, the judge hasn't ordered her to stop breast feeding. But it's also unfair to deny the father this type of relationship with his child.

sorry - not "expressed formula" but "expressed milk"

It would be quite nice to hear the whole story and not just one side of it.

and I do totally get the points about intolerances and bottle refusing. my child has multiple intolerances and wouldn't take a bottle either. so I DO understand concern regarding that

I still think though, that if I were that father, I would be utterly gutted not to be allowed any contact with my own child!

Ha if someone tried to have my boob monster bottle refusing 8 mth old dd overnight they would very sorely regret it. One night of a screaming baby who won't sleep will soon change that father's mind.

That's clearly a US decision from the language used, and I very much suspect that the 'mom' in question has been using the fact of b'feeding to stop her ex having overnight contact. It's a best interests decision by the judge, and I think he's probably right. The 'harm' to a 10 month old of having a few formula feeds is massively outweighed by the harm of her not establishing a close relationship with her dad. Would be different if, eg, she refused bottle feeds or there were allegations of abuse, but since the article seems to have been written purely from the mother's perspective, I can only assume that these are not issues .

Agree this is American

I'm a lawyer. Not a family one and not that it makes me anymore qualified than anyone else to comment. However, this quote from them mother is interesting:,

"I'm very passionate about having that right to breastfeed," she said."

Obviously this is just one quote but it's interesting that the mother is focussing on her rights - not what is in the best interests of her daughter

I have a sneaking suspicion that probably both re mother and the father have turned into the nightmare clients who are too entrenched in what is best for them and what their "rights" are rather than genuinely trying to reach aisle ground of what is best for their daughter

My ds would never take a bottle & breastfed till 14 months BUT he could spend time away from me as he could drink from a sippy cup & was on solids. I don't see why overnights are necessary at such a young age but if there is a distance issue I don't necessarily think the judge was wrong.

What's got me is the judge. I dont think a 10 month old baby needs breast milk. Food and formula are fine at that age. At 10 months the baby has received all the goodness from its mother. I think its not necessary. The so called breast feeding statistics and rules etc change every year anyway. I just think for it to have got to court where a judge is telling her to stop is a bit strong.

Mylovelyboys- the judge doesn't say that she should stop, he ruled that the child should spend overnight with the father. It's from that the mother has turned this into the judge ordering her to stop bf.

Ha if someone tried to have my boob monster bottle refusing 8 mth old dd overnight they would very sorely regret it.

This isn't a random "someone" though. This is the baby's father- who has as much right and responsibility to care for his child overnight as the mother does. It is offensive to suggest that he would be in some way less willing or capable to do so because he doesn't have breasts.

I'm not saying he'd be less willing, I'm saying that in practical terms caring for a baby overnight when they're used to bfing will be bloody hard. I know my dd just wouldn't sleep a wink.

If a case like this has been going on for months, then a 10 month old baby shouldn't be so used to breastfeeding that they cannot go one night without being breastfeed.

I remember what my bfed babies were like at 10 months, and I would have been really upset at the thought of how distressed they could get if they didn't get boob when they wanted it.

But I also know that if at 5 months old, I knew I wasn't in a relationship with my baby's father, who was a loving father that wanted to care for his child, then I would have had ample opportunity to prevent my baby being distressed at not having boob on demand when she was with her Dad.

Perhaps the mother should start introducing formula now baby 10 months old then eventually the baby can leave the breast. 'does not take long - my ds took a week to come of bf and on to formula only' The child does need to have a proper relationship with father. Perhaps she is using bf as an excuse. I dont bloody know. Baby can come of breast quicker than you think. Its more down to the mother rather than the child.

The father does not need overnight stays to bond with his child.
Unless he is a masochist who enjoys getting up at 1am 3am 5am to heat up bottles the baby may only want a few sucks of to get back to sleep.
Compromise in terms of giving a bath, reading a story etc in her abode could have been reached between the two had it not evidently become acrimonious.
I am aware none of us know the full story- Maybe even maybe the baby sleeps through beautifully.

But it could be the baby is like mine

• will not take a bottle
• uses the boob as a comforter and still wakes up in night
• cosleeps
• mum finds hard to express or pump and dump/donate
• will take formula in a cup in emergency and only for 5 minutes before screaming the bloody house down

In which case the judge's order is batshit crazy for all involved including the dad.

• it is hard to do mixed feeding if you did not introduce bottle early enough
• it is hard to introduce a dummy if you did not introduce early enough
• either can cosleep but depends on whether baby latches on in night
• not being able to express gives her a window of approx 8 hours between feeds to keep up supply so he would need to work round that and so she would need to do a night feed at his before returning in the morning
• yes during daycare a cup and other fluids is feasible but not when upset cranky tired and wanting a feed

Yes it makes it damned hard for us but my baby is with my dh alone for a maximum of 90 minutes and i am usually within a decent radius if dh needs me back before then (My baby is younger than 10 months obv)
Baby completely bonded with dh even though he works away a lot for weeks at a time and does long working days. He still gets the cooing, the chirupping, the smiles, the lot.

So it really isn't about what the mum wants or what the dad wants or what they feel they need - but what the baby needs and if that is the breast then to do cold turkey at ten months is ludicrous.

Each baby is different. I have had three.
My current baby is 5 months old and if we could prevent distress at not having boob on demand at night then we would. We have tried as a team and we cannot.

Not all babies come off the boob quicker than you think. Many fight against it and even with a gap of not bf will try and bf again with another sibling if given the chance.

We do not know the baby's routine.
We do not know the parents.
We do not know the motives.

But in the same way that the mum could be using ebf as an excuse not to allow access, equally the dad could be using his equal custody rights as a weapon against his ex to cause her angst/unneccessary work, or the stereotypical cliche of MIL oft seen on mumsnet is in background demanding son get access so she can ff.
We just don't know.

The judge ought to have said the pair, unless abuse is an issue, need to work together at each other's homes to make it bloody work.

Woowoo - genuine question - how would you do it? I absolutely cannot get my dd to accept a bottle or to sleep without bfing despite weeks of trying. I have tried to stop bfing but it only led to a tired dd unable to sleep who ended up crying so hard she started to go blue.

Sorry not had chance to read thread but child will be damaged by being denied Opportunity to form relationship with her dad. Maybe judge balanced that up and could see those long term life long benefits outweigh the loss of breast milk - after all at 10 months it is not that as baby will be well on the way with solids

Mylovelyboy you do come out with some strange statements. The benefits of breastfeeding do not magically stop after 6, 10, or even 12 months and far beyond. The 'guidelines' on this have not changed in many, many years so do please do a bit more reading.

I understand a father's need for bonding and contact. I don't necessarily think this needs to extend to overnight stays when the child is still so tiny. My daughter is 20 months and still night feeds; whilst this is less nutritionally vital than when she was 10 months younger, it is still very important to her and being without it would mean for some very sad, disrupted nights. Luckily I trust that my partner, if we were to separate, would keep our DD's best interests at heart and work around that with contact until SHE is ready. No judge can make that call, especially when we really are talking about a very small baby in this case.

DD2 wouldn't take a bottle, quite literally to save her life.

I did it this way to come off the breast after only two weeks of bf. I'd had enough of constant ds crying and bf every half hour. Drove me insane. Which makes me think the longer they are bf the longer it takes to get them off it. Its not necessarily the milk but the comfort factor
Day 1 - introduced one bottle
Day 2 - introduced two bottles (spaced out time wise)
Day 3 - introduced three bottles and so forth.
If the baby is hungry, the baby will take it.....eventually.
I think alot of older babies use the breast as a comforter.
Cailin you say your baby will not sleep without being bf. Sounds like a comforting thing. Just keep trying