to think that it is not normal for 14 year olds to be sexually active?

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Reading an earlier thread, one poster said that it is generally accepted that 14 to 15 year olds were sexually active!
Do you think that this is true? I am curious because I have a ten year old daughter, I need to know when I start worrying!

No 14 wasn't really the norm when I was at school - I remember we had one of those 'down with the kids' type drama groups come in to my (all girls) school to do a thing about sex when I was that age and a handful of the girls got upset by the issues raised because they had done it and thought everyone would think they were slits.

I was just more shocked thAt they had done it really - I was a fucking bumbling idiot at that age, plus I was by far the ugliest one out of a group of very pretty girls so no boys touched me with a barge pole anyway!

My best friend at school had this really strange reputation at school - she was quite normal, but even the scariest girls in the year were scared of her, and when they found out she was still a virgin at 15 they were shocked as they thought she was out shagging everyone. She was most put out by this (and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19).

One of my friends now (met through DH) is very nice but even at the age of 30 is desperate to look cool in front of others. She announced in a conversation with some other friends that she lost her virginity at 13 thinking people would be impressed, but everyone was just like wtf (and these are a slutty bunch of men and women we are talking about here ). So no I wouldn't say 14 was normal.

depends on how much self-respect they have.

when DD1 was 11, more than half her peers in Y6 had facebook accounts, and more than half of the girls who did had sultry posed photos on there of themselves in full make up and heels etc! I could see these because they were not private - WTF are the parents thinking of??? Mild cyber bullying and such was common even then. I know some of those (now 14) who have phones with internet and no parental controls on, the parents are in cloud cuckoo land about what they are exposed to and taking part in - either that or they don't care. These will be the same kids who are sexually active at an earlier than average age. Childhood for some is lost too too soon. It's sad.

sidge - I agree its worrying that young teen experience is not now restricted to a quick fumble in the park, but group sex, anal, bondage etc - largely as a result of the availability of porn online IMO. Is it like with drugs, no longer happy with the buzz of regular sex and needing to try something more adventurous? plus the age old thing about peer pressure etc, feeling obliged to take part to save face or not lose a BF?

I was sexually active at 14 and 15, none of my friends were.

I'm well educated, come from a good family etc, so I wasn't "one of those types" if you get what I mean. People are always very shocked when they hear how young I was, but I was ready and well aware of what I was doing. It felt very normal to me however I guess in my peer group it was far from the norm, most of my friends were around 16/17 when they became sexually active.

I would imagine its a time where there's certainly more interest the other sex, and possibly moving further from kissing, but I wouldn't class being very sexually active and having regular sex at 14 as normal. However it's not always the obvious ones who are at it!!

I really should NC
I was fooling around at 12, with my 17yo boyfriend. I didn't have full sex until 16 1/2

I was very late developer and only wanted to have sex with someone who really cared for me. I lost my virginity very very late.
But I can't accept it is normal for 14.

In retrospect, I will say I was a little too young at 15 yrs old. Roughly half th girls I knew were sexually active by 14 or 15 though (in the 90s, naice school etc). Probably fewer boys.

I was 14 and in a long term relationship. I'd say about 1 in 5 had had some sort of sexual experience by 14. My mum talked to me and took to to the docs for the pill saying she thought it'd be best to wait but best be prepared. She wasn't giving permission, just being pragmatic and I'm forever grateful she was. It meant I could talk to her, wanted to talk to her, when if she'd been less empathetic I'd have done it anyway and not have had to wisdom to help me.

I have hopes for my own daughter but prefer to deal with reality.

Hold up - I wouldn't say sexually active meant just snogging though, I am t as talking about full on sex. Otherwise I would be classed as sexually active at 14!

goodasitgets - 12 and 17 is horrid IMO - I bet you felt all grown up and special. The 17 yo must have been very immature to go out with a 12 yo even if you were mature for your age - I can imagine the stick they would get for even being friends with someone so young. Do you feel happy, in hindsight, that it was a mutually consenting & fulfilling relationship and that you were in no way groomed/abused? Did your parents know?

Depends what you mean by sexually active?

I had sex at 14, he was 21. Of course at the time I thought I was sooo grown up, if I found out a 21 yr old was anywhere near my daughter at that age I would have his balls in a jar.

I don't think "childhood is lost" necessarily because kids experiment with things that are sometimes a bit old for them. I felt like a big kid up to my mid twenties.

Emz, I can very well believe that. My experience of secondary school was many of the girls and boys discussing and some actually being active from 12 years old. It made me feel ill to be honest and I had to have more than one uncomfortable conversation with a parent. So from this I would say 14 is quite normal now and not particularly early. One of the most worrying things I found during a talk was how many of them didn't count some acts as 'that' sexual or as sex e.g. Blow jobs.

Also agreed with how 'adventurous' they were. Quite depressing really. I'm not sure at what age I will give my dc the talk. It's hard to find a balance between making them over informed and stopping them from finding some things out themselves.

I was the only girl in my class who left school without having had consensual full sex before 16, yet I was the only one who was bullied for being a slag

I'm in my mid-20's (sob!) and have a 21 & a 18 yr old sister in a family that is really open about sex; I would say, anecdotally , more of my age group were having sex & doing drugs at 14 but more of 21/18yr olds group were cybersexing/sexting/videos/groupsex etc (as in there were less of them doing more of the extreme stuff).

Absolutely not normal in my world. Most of my friends became sexually active in the first years of University.

I don't understand people who are so adamant about 16 being the 'right' age for sex just because of the law. Obviously it is important to have some law in place to legalise against rape, grooming, etc but it seems quite arbitrary.

Does a child magically become ready for sex on their sixteenth birthday? Are British teenagers less/more mature than European ones?What happens if they are fourteen or fifteen and go to Germany or France on a school trip? Technically they could legally have sex there, then come back and have to wait another two years.

Although I don't necessarily agree with lowering the age of consent, I think countries who have dual laws (dealing mainly with age gap issues) make more sense. Personally I think sex between a 14&15 year old is less prone to abuse and inequality than between a 16 & 24 year old.

Also I think we should focus more on teaching children (particularly girls) about having the strength to make their own decisions and give them more advice on what's right for them, and when. People mature at a vastly different rate, and one person may be more physically and emotionally mature at 14 than another is at 18.

I also wouldn't agree with the idea that childhood is lost. What does that really mean, what is lost? Innocence? I think your much more likely to lose your innocence in a gradual way as most people do, or by someone hurting you and not necessarily in a sexual way. It's not like everything is rose tinted then you lose your virginity and they joyful world comes crashing down around you.

Things I was naive or innocent about as a child were that people were abused and hurt, including by those who loved them or for things they couldn't help like disability or race. That people were living in unimaginable poverty, that people had all sorts of horrible mental illnesses that meant they found life a struggle, that some people either don't or feel that they don't have anyone who loves them etc, yes. But that people like or love each other, that they're affectionate and intimate with each other, that they may have sex? No, I was aware of this from very early on and I wouldn't say I was any less innocent as a result of that or because I had sex. Having a baby and being abandoned at 19 was however extremely traumatic and that's why I'm much more conscious of preaching contraception rather than abstinence to my DC.

Actually, I will say more. It ws HIGHLY unsusal for anyone to be sexually active at that age when i was growing up. I grew up in another country and went to a single sex school. There may have been one or two girls who had sex whilst a school girl but they were very much the sluts.

It honestly wasnt a thing where I grew up. Kids were more interested in sport and pop stars and the beach. There were no opportunities to even meet boys. Kids didnt go anywhere. We didnt go out at night.

People may discredit this but its the truth. I just dont understand the way kids are sexualised so early now, its scary.

I was 16, and I think a couple of the girls I knew were active from 13or 14 and one in particular at 11!
I'm 31.TImes haven't changed so much I don't think!

Forgive my naivitey but how does an 11 year old get the opportunity to have sex?

oops, sorry mispell

You'd be surprised cleofatra

I've literally just read a thread where the OP said her Mum allowed her boyfriend to sleep in her bed when she was only 13. She gave them condoms if they needed them.