to think that it is not normal for 14 year olds to be sexually active?

[landrover]

Reading an earlier thread, one poster said that it is generally accepted that 14 to 15 year olds were sexually active!
Do you think that this is true? I am curious because I have a ten year old daughter, I need to know when I start worrying!

Oh and Muff, i was only joking about you being a tart! xxxxx

oh good grief!! some are and some arnt.

I was and my mil got married pregnant with twins at 16.

my dm was a virgin on her wedding night at 23( thanks mom)

my sister was 15 as was I.

nothing new here so stop the pearl clutching.

my dd nearly 15 has a steady bf and tells me they are waiting till they are 16. we will see. open dialogue.

Some of the girls in my year seemed so grown up in comparison to me- they wore make up, were allowed to stay out late/go to parties. I definitely felt like a little girl at secondary school and bullying ensured I was overlooked and robbed of all my confidence.

Looking back those girls acted like 18 year olds when only 12/13- almost like they did not have a childhood. Several are now parents to 20/21 year olds and those I have bumped into look years older

"I was in a loving relationship"

Did it just feel like that at the time, or do you still think that?

I can't help thinking that 14 is too young to really know that.

It definitely wasn't the norm when I was this age, granted a fair few years ago now. I'd have been 14y in 1987. I knew of one one girl and one boy in my class who were (together). It wasn't seen as the norm at all though. Plenty talked about sex, but only those two were doing more than kissing tbh. It wasn't til sixth form, so 16-18y when people were being more sexually involved in relationships.

When I was still teaching - so about 8 years ago now - it was much the same. Lots were tallking about it at 13/14y, very few were actually involved in sexual relationships at that age though.

Have to say that I never taught/met any 14 year old who was actually emtionally mature enough to be dealing with sexual relationships and the potential consequences of such a relationship - and definitely not parenthood should that have occurred. I met many who thought they were. I met not who actually were - ime 14y are generally still just kids. And long may that continue.

I have an 11y DD who's body is developing pretty fast and started her eriods a year ago. It is scary to think that within a few short years she will be this kind of age.

Losing your cherry and being sexually active are poles apart.

My best friend at school lost her virginity at a party aged 14 but then had to wait many many years before she got to do it again.

Considering that the average age for first sexual activity is actually 17 and the only 20% of teens have sex before their 16th birthday, a 14-year-old having sex would actually be in the minority because most of them aren't. Either way, no it's not normal.

Yanbu it isn't normal

I first had sex at 14, engaged at 18, married at 20.

Ladies, let's not forget what the law says; and that it is against the law for minors under the age of 16 to participate in sex. Therefore, any young man who engages with a young lady younger than 16 years in age, is committing rape. FACT. Hence it is not "normal", it is illegal. My mother is in the law field and is always dealing with cases of parents who are bringing to light that they are letting their children commit sexual acts, saying " it was under our roof, so she was safe"...errrm, you are complicit in an illegal sexual act, and are punishable by law.

well there is a girl in dds year pregnant by her same age boyfriend so yes some are sexually active underage, some not though I dont buy they are all at it thing because they are not

Depends what you mean by sexually active? Fooling around, yes normal. Penetrative sex, no.

This scares me so much. When I was at school in the 90s all of my friends were virgins when we left school at 18. I imagine there were maybe 2 or 3 out of a class of 30 who weren't. Now that was a Northern Irish catholic girls grammar school so I know its not representative but still. I imagine the vast majority of those girls had sex in the year after leaving school (me included) but I don't think it did us any harm to have waited until after we had left school.

I was a month short of 15 although looking back I'm still a little dubious as to whether it counted or not it was just a dodgy little fumble really. And I didn't go near a boy again for well over a year afterwards.

I was always three years ahead of my time both physically and mentally, emotionally not so much. I don't regret it though, perhaps if I'd been younger I would have done but at that age it didn't feel abnormal. I was about 17 in my head and was already drinking and smoking fags so... natural progression?

Sexual maturity is different because the law says so, quite rightly as it is an act which can have massive emotional and physical consequences.

I think promoting the idea that it's fine for 14 year olds to have sex is extremely dangerous, more so the idea that teens are "ready" at a younger age then they used to be as this behaviour then becomes normalised. Where do we draw the line?

14? 13? 12? As long as they've both hit puberty?

Bear in mind, that if you're going to ignore the law or think that it's OTT, the law also takes into account closeness in age of the teens in a relationship - would you be happy for a 30 year old man to read this thread and decide that 14 year olds were fair game?

I don't hold with the "you can't stop them" shoulder shrugging either. I'm sure if your children wanted to develop vodka or crack habits, you'd be doing everything in your power to stop them. We romanticise teenage relationships, yet they can also very damaging and destructive.

People are adults for a verrrry long time. Sex isn't going anywhere, so what on earth is the rush?

Well my 14 and a half year old certainly isn't. Apparently a couple of his friends have had sex but well, teens pretending they are having sex is nothing new so who knows.

I was fooling around about 15 years old. Had sex at 16. DH was 15. With my group of friends 15 was the average age they lost their V.

Grennie, good point.

not sure about the stats really as people usually lie about sex. who tells the truth about alcohol units??

I was 15 in 1979 and I was having sex. I would say about a quarter of the class were, all girls grammar.

by 16/17 most were.

Whilst you are right that it is illegal Tea, it is not rape if the girl consents, it's umm, "unlawful sexual contact" or something like that, but it's definitely not classed as rape if a 14-16 year old gives meaningful consent.

I prefer if they are doing it to be safe when my children are old enough. I was married at 20, and was just ahead of my time.

I was 19 and can count my sexual partners on the fingers of one hand as I have only had sex within relationships. I'm 34 and probably very unusual for my age group. There was one underage pregnancy in my year at school and one girl who got pregnant just before we left secondary school, she was 18 though.

I guess we all feel differently when our own children are getting to that age, the thought actually repulses me! (but then she is only 10)
Its very hard being a parent!!!!!

I think it's important to tell teens and their parents loudly and frequently that penetrative sex before the age of 16 is not the norm, and that the vast majority of people are virgins on their 16th birthdays. I think the "they're all at it" cliche is very harmful.