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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be fuming my husband gave away my only highheeled shoes?

295 replies

dulwichparkrunner · 04/11/2013 11:56

I keep being overwhelmed with fury, probably out of all proportion but AIBU to be seriously peeved about the following scenario in which my DH gave away my only pair of high-heeled shoes to the teenage daughter of our dear friends. Which I now have to replace - because I now have nothing to wear for work events/formal events.

What happened was this – I worked late on Friday night. On my way home, DH rang to say our friends and their two daughters had already arrived our house and said, “You know the Prada shoes that you never wear? Where are they?” I said, “Look they are in my wardrobe, but don’t go dragging stuff out, wait till I get home and I’ll look them out.”

I was too tired to ask why he was asking me about shoes - but assumed he meant the pair of shoes that DH bought me years ago that I never wear are (slip-on flat ones) that were always too wide for my feet, so I would be happy to give them away if anyone wanted them, which I guessed was probably what this call was about.

Anyway, I get home to find that DH has found the shoes himself – and worse still he's been talking about an entirely different pair of shoes, they are the high heel, peep toe, sexy shoes that I do wear when I have weddings or any formal event eg work event where I need decent shoes. They are the only high heel shoes I own and were also a gift from DH. And they are Prada - I don't typically own designer label things so I was stupidly quite pleased to own them!

DH had given them to the teenage daughter – aged 16 because she’s going to a dance. Not loaned, given. It was done. I just was so stunned, I said nothing. Obviously, in hindsight, I should have said, “There’s been a terrible misunderstanding” etc etc. But because this family are under financial pressures, because DH had already given them, because I was tired, the girl was delighted. I just couldn’t say anything.

I keep being overwhelmed with fury about this. The first opportunity I had to hiss at DH he said, “but you don’t wear them” and “when you do wear them you say they are uncomfortable”. I had to drag a not very convincing apology out of him, so I am still angry about it.

The nice part of me thinks, for goodness sake, get over what is only a pair of shoes, I can afford to buy a new pair, it's made the 16-year old happy, this is a very spoilt ' first world' issue.

The other part feels peeved at my DH giving away my stuff without asking and irritated that his generous gesture means I have to rebuy the shoes. (my DH doesn't earn much right now, so I will be buying the replacements). I guess the biggest part of my irritation is the lack of contrition from my DH. He literally doesn't understand why I am so furious. So AIBU?

OP posts:
KatoPotato · 04/11/2013 11:57

YANBU.

DH owes you a new pair of shoes.

HorryIsUpduffed · 04/11/2013 11:58

Oh dear God.

I can't express how angry I'd be.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 04/11/2013 11:58

I'd get your DH to get them back.

He made the mistake, he sorts it.

TravelinColour · 04/11/2013 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatoPotato · 04/11/2013 11:59

He can save up.

OOAOML · 04/11/2013 12:00

Actually, in this situation (you need/want them, he can't afford to replace them) I would contact the family, tell them what an arse you are married to, and request them back - after the dance if you are feeling generous).

samandi · 04/11/2013 12:00

Had you had a conversation about giving the other pair of shoes away? I'm still a little confused why you didn't ask him why he was looking for them. But of course YADNBU to be furious that your possessions have been given away without asking you. I would go through the roof.

lessonsintightropes · 04/11/2013 12:00

Would be furious if DH did the same, YANBU. But then I'd have to give away his Gibson SG special to a neighbours kid who wanted to learn guitar Grin

SaucyJack · 04/11/2013 12:01

Ask for them back, once the dance is over.

Disappointing for her, but at her age she's well old enough to understand that they were obviously not his shoes to give away.

Dontletthemgetyoudown · 04/11/2013 12:01

i'd ring the girl and explain that they are on loan, not to keep and that you would like them returned after her party.

Nessalina · 04/11/2013 12:01

I would be furious. Absolutely furious!! I nearly fell out with someone for binning my practically full bottle of salad cream.
I'd just go with "well it's lucky Christmas is coming up eh? I'll be very put out if Santa doesn't bring me some high heeled peep toe designer shoes!"

MalcolmTuckersMistress · 04/11/2013 12:01

YADNBU! I'd be utterly fuming. He owes you a new pair.

On the upside,try to think how happy that young girl must be at least!

AgentZigzag · 04/11/2013 12:02

It doesn't matter whether you wear them or not, they weren't his to give.

You definitely shouldn't pay for them, although you will really even if it did come out of his pay if you share your finances.

Why didn't he just loan them though?

Can't understand that bit.

ladyantigone · 04/11/2013 12:02

It doesn't matter how skint the other family are: no 16 year old can reasonably expect to be entitled to Prada shoes!

Get him to sort it. I would be livid as well.

samandi · 04/11/2013 12:02

And yes, actually I think it's fine to ask for them back too.

VoiceofRaisin · 04/11/2013 12:02

Is it really too late to phone the girl's parents about arranging a return date for the loaned shoes? (Just put it like that). Then everyone should be happy - she got to wear them to her dance but you get them back. Otherwise, ask to borrow them for the the Christmas season and I don't expect they will ever ask for them back...

But essentially you are right - first world problem and you shouldn't be too downhearted.

lessonsintightropes · 04/11/2013 12:02

Travelin I didn't see a his money, my money thing here, but would you like a big beribboned wooden spoon anyway?

harticus · 04/11/2013 12:03

I don't get the fury over it either.
Shoes. That is all.
Buy some more.
And whilst at the shops you might want to pick up some perspective.

GrendelsMum · 04/11/2013 12:03

It's entirely up to you - you can just explain to the daughter that there'd been a mix-up with the two pairs of shoes and you'll need those ones back when she's been to the dance.

She'll understand, and she'll have the fun of wearing them for the occasion when it counts.

You can always give her the ones that don't fit if you'd like to?

DioneTheDiabolist · 04/11/2013 12:03

He needs to get them back or buy you a new pair pronto. YADNBU OP, I am so Angry on your behalf.

AgentZigzag · 04/11/2013 12:03

Agree with the posters saying he should ring the girl and say he'd made a mistake to get them back.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 04/11/2013 12:03

I would find it very strange if my H phoned me to ask where my shoes were. He doesn't one tiny clue about anything I own. I would have asked him precisely why he needed to know.

Having said that, your H should own up to his mistake and get your shoes back and be left with no uncertainty that he does not get to give your possessions away without express and fully cognisant permission from you

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 04/11/2013 12:04

doesn't have

samandi · 04/11/2013 12:04

He literally doesn't understand why I am so furious.

I'd be worried about that. Has he given away any of your other stuff/would he do so in the future? Does he think all items in the house are joint possessions and he can do what he wants with them? Confused

BrianWont · 04/11/2013 12:04

Another vote for definitely asking for them back. A 16 year old in your best Prada shoes? The horror!