AIBU to be fuming my husband gave away my only highheeled shoes?

[dulwichparkrunner]

I keep being overwhelmed with fury, probably out of all proportion but AIBU to be seriously peeved about the following scenario in which my DH gave away my only pair of high-heeled shoes to the teenage daughter of our dear friends. Which I now have to replace - because I now have nothing to wear for work events/formal events.

What happened was this – I worked late on Friday night. On my way home, DH rang to say our friends and their two daughters had already arrived our house and said, “You know the Prada shoes that you never wear? Where are they?” I said, “Look they are in my wardrobe, but don’t go dragging stuff out, wait till I get home and I’ll look them out.”

I was too tired to ask why he was asking me about shoes - but assumed he meant the pair of shoes that DH bought me years ago that I never wear are (slip-on flat ones) that were always too wide for my feet, so I would be happy to give them away if anyone wanted them, which I guessed was probably what this call was about.

Anyway, I get home to find that DH has found the shoes himself – and worse still he's been talking about an entirely different pair of shoes, they are the high heel, peep toe, sexy shoes that I do wear when I have weddings or any formal event eg work event where I need decent shoes. They are the only high heel shoes I own and were also a gift from DH. And they are Prada - I don't typically own designer label things so I was stupidly quite pleased to own them!

DH had given them to the teenage daughter – aged 16 because she’s going to a dance. Not loaned, given. It was done. I just was so stunned, I said nothing. Obviously, in hindsight, I should have said, “There’s been a terrible misunderstanding” etc etc. But because this family are under financial pressures, because DH had already given them, because I was tired, the girl was delighted. I just couldn’t say anything.

I keep being overwhelmed with fury about this. The first opportunity I had to hiss at DH he said, “but you don’t wear them” and “when you do wear them you say they are uncomfortable”. I had to drag a not very convincing apology out of him, so I am still angry about it.

The nice part of me thinks, for goodness sake, get over what is only a pair of shoes, I can afford to buy a new pair, it's made the 16-year old happy, this is a very spoilt ' first world' issue.

The other part feels peeved at my DH giving away my stuff without asking and irritated that his generous gesture means I have to rebuy the shoes. (my DH doesn't earn much right now, so I will be buying the replacements). I guess the biggest part of my irritation is the lack of contrition from my DH. He literally doesn't understand why I am so furious. So AIBU?

Non-orthodox Jewish ?

Shall we just name all the forriners who've hurt us?

I find Australians a bit difficult sometimes.

Alternatively I've mostly found Americans to be extremely polite.

EVERY nationality is known to be direct, well except the British

He gave away your Prada shoes to a kid??? Oooft, there's some grovelling to be done there!

That's not my experience of Italians notmadeofrib, which is very detailed.

In business dealings they tend to tell you what they think they want you want to hear rather than what you need to know. There have been some notable exceptions IME. Actually, just two.

It can be quite annoying.

I am direct, the Dutch generally are - we just don't do waffling around for half an hour exchanging courtesies, we prefer to get on with the job in hand. I've been told off for being 'too direct' in my first job in the UK, had never during any of my work in Holland because we were all like that there.

I'm not offended by people pointing out the truth though it has to be said I am a bit better at the flannel these days - and at judging which people need it.

This reminds me of that website British People's Problems. They posted this earlier in the week, which amused me greatly .

Are you Dutch pointyfangs?

I'm English and have been told many times that I'm direct. So has my sister. When it's been said, it's always been said by other English people. We are as English as English could be, I think.

I suspect it's a class thing; because we don't know our place. But that might be me being chippy; another English concept

I prefer people to say what they mean. I can't believe my sister and I are the only ones.

If people are rude I'll pull them up on it in my direct way and they can apologise

If I've hurt someone's feelings then I'll do the same.

Ah, she sounds like a very sensible and mature 16yo. It's a nice idea to snens her money for shoes- that way she can choose her own.

Well, if she thought that she shouldn't have accepted them in the first place, should she?!

And your DH is still a complete twat. IMPO.

I am always telling OPs that straightforward and honest is the way to go.

You can be direct without be blunt and confrontational. It is not a bad thing.

Ask your DH to get them back.

Or text friend 'DH seems to have given away my only high heels, any chance I can have them back please?' Sorry I know teen liked them but I have nothing else to wear'

Oops seen its been resolved! Great

Sounds like a great outcome with no hurt feelings on either side.

I would have said Dutch too - I remember a Dutch friend saying that if someone asks you out for lunch you can just say "no thanks, I don't fancy it" which utterly astonished British me.

BOF.

I don't think the British are complete sticklers though, are we?

I hope your dh still actually apologises...

I'm not sure the Japanese are renowned for being direct. So it's not just the British.

That's a good outcome, OP! And it is very kind of you to offer money for some more shoes.

I hope your DH is suitably chastened.