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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be fuming my husband gave away my only highheeled shoes?

295 replies

dulwichparkrunner · 04/11/2013 11:56

I keep being overwhelmed with fury, probably out of all proportion but AIBU to be seriously peeved about the following scenario in which my DH gave away my only pair of high-heeled shoes to the teenage daughter of our dear friends. Which I now have to replace - because I now have nothing to wear for work events/formal events.

What happened was this – I worked late on Friday night. On my way home, DH rang to say our friends and their two daughters had already arrived our house and said, “You know the Prada shoes that you never wear? Where are they?” I said, “Look they are in my wardrobe, but don’t go dragging stuff out, wait till I get home and I’ll look them out.”

I was too tired to ask why he was asking me about shoes - but assumed he meant the pair of shoes that DH bought me years ago that I never wear are (slip-on flat ones) that were always too wide for my feet, so I would be happy to give them away if anyone wanted them, which I guessed was probably what this call was about.

Anyway, I get home to find that DH has found the shoes himself – and worse still he's been talking about an entirely different pair of shoes, they are the high heel, peep toe, sexy shoes that I do wear when I have weddings or any formal event eg work event where I need decent shoes. They are the only high heel shoes I own and were also a gift from DH. And they are Prada - I don't typically own designer label things so I was stupidly quite pleased to own them!

DH had given them to the teenage daughter – aged 16 because she’s going to a dance. Not loaned, given. It was done. I just was so stunned, I said nothing. Obviously, in hindsight, I should have said, “There’s been a terrible misunderstanding” etc etc. But because this family are under financial pressures, because DH had already given them, because I was tired, the girl was delighted. I just couldn’t say anything.

I keep being overwhelmed with fury about this. The first opportunity I had to hiss at DH he said, “but you don’t wear them” and “when you do wear them you say they are uncomfortable”. I had to drag a not very convincing apology out of him, so I am still angry about it.

The nice part of me thinks, for goodness sake, get over what is only a pair of shoes, I can afford to buy a new pair, it's made the 16-year old happy, this is a very spoilt ' first world' issue.

The other part feels peeved at my DH giving away my stuff without asking and irritated that his generous gesture means I have to rebuy the shoes. (my DH doesn't earn much right now, so I will be buying the replacements). I guess the biggest part of my irritation is the lack of contrition from my DH. He literally doesn't understand why I am so furious. So AIBU?

OP posts:
Inertia · 04/11/2013 13:34

Buy the replacement shoes for DH as his Christmas present. Your gift to him is not embarrassing him in front of his friends.

NomDeOrdinateur · 04/11/2013 13:37

I like Inertia's solution Grin.

CeliaFate · 04/11/2013 13:38

Dh would have to enter the Witness Protection Programme if he gave any of my stuff away without asking me first so I could say no. YANBU. Would he have been so generous if it was his things he was giving away?

diddl · 04/11/2013 13:40

How weird!

So what was the girl wearing when she arrived?

And how on earth did it get to her friends father phoning his wife at work so that he could give said girl a pair of Pradas?

On another note, I'd be fizzing if my 16yr old came home in a pair of high heels that had been given to her by her friends dad!

samandi · 04/11/2013 13:43

Don't take them back off the kid, she will be embarrassed and also gutted to lose them if they are her only bestest designer shoes and the family is broke.

LMAO! How many 16 year olds own a pair of £500 Prada shoes? Fucking hell.

Mattissy · 04/11/2013 13:44

I'm be bloody bouncing! I'd get them back and bury one of the heels in his head!!

I'd get them back without a doubt. Just say you thought she was borrowing them.

Minnieheehee · 04/11/2013 13:45

Ooof, Totally understandable. I'd either opt for calling and saying they were a loan, or swallow it and buy new shoes. Your husband has been a bit of a twonk, but aren't they all (as are we ladies) at times? I'm sure there will be some great ideas on making him pay one way or the other!

ringaringarosy · 04/11/2013 13:46

if he gave them away then he needs to buy you new ones!

samandi · 04/11/2013 13:47

*It's a terrible thing to do with someone else's belongings. I don't care how free and easy you are with your own possessions ...

He made himself feel good with her belongings and that's shitty.*

This.

eurochick · 04/11/2013 13:47

I would kill him. Kill him. I know they are only possessions but they were the OP's possessions and clearly both valued and valuable.

He needs to get them back. And perhaps offer to buy they 16 yr old a pair of Primarni heels or something. If she wears the Prada, she will trash them, I'm sure. He messed up and needs to fix it.

Branleuse · 04/11/2013 13:47

he fancies the 16 year old

BrianWont · 04/11/2013 13:49

See, that was my first thought, Branleuse. But it seemed a bit indelicate to say so.

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 04/11/2013 13:49

YADNBU, it's not the shoes, it's the principle. It would be like me giving DH's Xbox away - he hardly uses it but I know he'd be pissed off. Yes I bought it for him as a present, but that makes it his.

This is about more than just a pair of shoes.

Although yes, I'm a bit Hmm at it being so 'distressing' for the 16 year old to have the shoes taken away. She probably can't believe her luck!

And what's with all the 'first world problem' stuff? The OP may have other issues too that she's not choosing to post about. Just because this is trivial in your eyes doesn't mean it can't be discussed.

FunkyBoldRibena · 04/11/2013 13:50

Get him to buy them back her when she puts them on ebay

fuzzywuzzy · 04/11/2013 13:50

I'd give away his prized possessions, the ones eh is too careful to use incase they break or whatever, when reproached I'd look blankly at him and tell him but you never use it as apparently that gives you carte blanche to give things that do not belong to you away.

Idespair · 04/11/2013 13:52

What a nit wit your dh is.

I have a nice pair of heels like this - nice black, high heel peep toe ones and they were £8 from Asda. My only high heels - worn for smart stuff etc.

I suggest you get some like this to replace your shoes if you cannot face trying to get your Prada ones back.

pointyfangs · 04/11/2013 13:55

YADNBU, I'd be fuming too. He needs to get them back for you, simple as that, and he needs to respect your property. The fact that he ignored your request for him to wait speaks volumes.

limitedperiodonly · 04/11/2013 13:58

he fancies the 16 year old

Not necessarily, though he may do, and I might be being hopelessly naive about my own DH.

DH has given things away to girls, boys, men, old ladies, charity shops, family members, lucky passing strangers...

He has a desperate need to be liked and in that moment, that is the most important thing. Also he loves getting new stuff and giving things away that he's got bored with gives him the perfect excuse to replace them.

He'd be more than happy to take me to Prada to buy a new pair of shoes, and would get a little something for himself as a reward for being so generous.

It would be sad, if it wasn't so irritating.

samandi · 04/11/2013 14:05

Get him to buy them back her when she puts them on ebay

Yes, that's probably where they'll end up.

congresstart · 04/11/2013 14:12

I only have 1 pair of heels...worn once but the are Iron Fist and cost me nearly 60.00, so yes I would be spitting if DH gave them away.

LunaticFringe · 04/11/2013 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greenfircone · 04/11/2013 14:24

Get the Asda ones for the teenager and get Dh to get your shoes back.

You are taking this very well OP, trying to get perspective and be reasonable. I would be beyond livid. I'm feeling the rage on your behalf when I think about it. Am going upstairs now to stroke my Choos and make sure they are still there.

moldingsunbeams · 04/11/2013 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FamiliesShareGerms · 04/11/2013 14:28

I would never loan a pair of Prada heels to a 16 yo for a dance - you just know that they won't come back in the same condition as they were lent in, and it wouldn't really be fair to expect her to look after them in any case.

DH owes you a pair of shoes...

ScrambledSmegs · 04/11/2013 14:34

They were not his to give away. That's the only part of this that matters.

You are not being unreasonable. He was massively presumptuous. Give away his stuff, see how he likes it.

(And Prada? To a 16yo? How mind-bendingly stupid)

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