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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be fuming my husband gave away my only highheeled shoes?

295 replies

dulwichparkrunner · 04/11/2013 11:56

I keep being overwhelmed with fury, probably out of all proportion but AIBU to be seriously peeved about the following scenario in which my DH gave away my only pair of high-heeled shoes to the teenage daughter of our dear friends. Which I now have to replace - because I now have nothing to wear for work events/formal events.

What happened was this – I worked late on Friday night. On my way home, DH rang to say our friends and their two daughters had already arrived our house and said, “You know the Prada shoes that you never wear? Where are they?” I said, “Look they are in my wardrobe, but don’t go dragging stuff out, wait till I get home and I’ll look them out.”

I was too tired to ask why he was asking me about shoes - but assumed he meant the pair of shoes that DH bought me years ago that I never wear are (slip-on flat ones) that were always too wide for my feet, so I would be happy to give them away if anyone wanted them, which I guessed was probably what this call was about.

Anyway, I get home to find that DH has found the shoes himself – and worse still he's been talking about an entirely different pair of shoes, they are the high heel, peep toe, sexy shoes that I do wear when I have weddings or any formal event eg work event where I need decent shoes. They are the only high heel shoes I own and were also a gift from DH. And they are Prada - I don't typically own designer label things so I was stupidly quite pleased to own them!

DH had given them to the teenage daughter – aged 16 because she’s going to a dance. Not loaned, given. It was done. I just was so stunned, I said nothing. Obviously, in hindsight, I should have said, “There’s been a terrible misunderstanding” etc etc. But because this family are under financial pressures, because DH had already given them, because I was tired, the girl was delighted. I just couldn’t say anything.

I keep being overwhelmed with fury about this. The first opportunity I had to hiss at DH he said, “but you don’t wear them” and “when you do wear them you say they are uncomfortable”. I had to drag a not very convincing apology out of him, so I am still angry about it.

The nice part of me thinks, for goodness sake, get over what is only a pair of shoes, I can afford to buy a new pair, it's made the 16-year old happy, this is a very spoilt ' first world' issue.

The other part feels peeved at my DH giving away my stuff without asking and irritated that his generous gesture means I have to rebuy the shoes. (my DH doesn't earn much right now, so I will be buying the replacements). I guess the biggest part of my irritation is the lack of contrition from my DH. He literally doesn't understand why I am so furious. So AIBU?

OP posts:
Lweji · 04/11/2013 16:30

LTB
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... at your nearest Prada shop equiped with his credit card to buy you at least two pairs of high healed shoes

Lweji · 04/11/2013 16:31

and then kick his arse hard with the heels. All four of them.

Lweji · 04/11/2013 16:32

And make him polish your shoes for the rest of his life.

diddl · 04/11/2013 16:33

TBH I can't get my head around OPs caring enough about what said 16yr old already had on her feet that he

a)got involved

b)gave a pair of his wife's shoes away!

diddl · 04/11/2013 16:33

oops-OPs husband, that should be.

ArbitraryUsername · 04/11/2013 16:34

The OP needs to come back and explain how any of this even came up, because it is mind boggling.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 04/11/2013 16:36

It is a little odd isn't it, diddl. And then to have the "brain wave" and remember what shoes his wife had in her wardrobe and think "aha! the perfect pair of shoes for a 16yo, I shall gift them to her"

Perhaps Op will come back and tell us if her H is a Gok Wan-alike who solves all the females he knows fashion problems by pilfering his wife's possessions ?

humphryscorner · 04/11/2013 16:38

What a strange AIBU ?

If it's actually real, I'd be questioning why dh actually felt the need to go hunting for these semi precious shoes and give them away to a teenage girl Hmm
Trying to impress much ?

SleepyBum · 04/11/2013 16:40

HE GAVE AWAY YOUR PRADA SHOES??!!!

diddl · 04/11/2013 16:46

"And then to have the "brain wave" and remember what shoes his wife had in her wardrobe and think "aha! the perfect pair of shoes for a 16yo, I shall gift them to her""

I know!

My husband

a)wouldn't be able to recall any of my shoes

b)in the unlikely event that a) wasn't the case, he'd have no idea what would be suitable for a 16yr old for a dance.

OP, if the parents really are good friends, I suggest that you'll be able to explain that the shoes were just a loan not a gift.

digerd · 04/11/2013 16:46

Very strange as the girl's parents were there, but didn't wait for you to get back and thank you for the shoes.
Still wondering why the mum didn't say " Are you sure dulwich is OK with this?"

fieldfare · 04/11/2013 16:46

I would be furious.

He (or if he's still being an insensitive, inconsiderate pratt), or you must call the parents, explain the mistake, say you're happy for the dd to borrow them but you do expect them back.

Pinupgirl · 04/11/2013 16:47

I would be very concerned about my dh's motives if he suddenly became so solicitous to a teenage girlHmm

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 04/11/2013 16:47

Yes and to update us on her OH getting the shoes back!

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 04/11/2013 16:47

Exactly the same here, diddl. My husband has no clue what is in my wardrobe until I wear it. Then he instantly forgets again.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 04/11/2013 16:48

so because he give away a pair of shoes to a 16 year becase she’s going to a dance, he must fancy her.

How did anyone even come up with that conclusion.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 04/11/2013 16:49

When an OP posts and runs, the thread usually starts to unravel. 'Tis the Mumsnet way.

diddl · 04/11/2013 16:50

Is it possible that the mother suggested the shoes for her daughter?

Otherwise I agree it's odd that she stood by & let it happen.

IShallCallYouSquishy · 04/11/2013 16:51

I would be livid. Luckily my DH understands shoes and wouldn't even contemplate giving away any of mine. Except maybe my flip flops which he can't stand Grin

digerd · 04/11/2013 16:51

And strange that the parents and 16 year-old turn up to your house when you are not there and talk about your shoes and the impending dance for the daughter to DH?

VoiceofRaisin · 04/11/2013 16:51

aw, don't be furious with your DH. He made a mistake out of an act of kindness. Lots of people would be happy to be married to such a generous sole (sic).

limitedperiodonly · 04/11/2013 16:51

DH knows what's in my wardrobe - better than me actually. He's very interested in clothes, which is just as well because it's his job.

I'm looking for something right now and I'm thinking of phoning to ask where it is. I don't think he's given it away...

VoiceofRaisin · 04/11/2013 16:52

That reminds me of a proverb:

"no act of kindness ever goes unpunished."

digerd · 04/11/2013 16:55

Voice
Not heard of that proverb but so true.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 04/11/2013 16:56

DH rang to say our friends and their two daughters had already arrived our house

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