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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say DH can't go to his Xmas work party?

239 replies

Unknownmember · 26/10/2013 16:42

So DH's work Xmas do is on a Saturday and includes an overnight stay in a hotel, as it's really a get as drunk as you want party. He really wants to go to this.

But it's the same day as DC1 3rd birthday. I said no as I think he should be at home celebrating. I was thinking we would go out for the morning and have a few of our closest friends over for cake later in the day.

He think it's ok to go and then come back Sunday afternoon and celebrate then.

I do have issues with him and his drinking, and also have said that he places too much importance on what other people think of him. And this is happening at a detriment to our marriage.

AIBU?

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 26/10/2013 16:45

Is the birthday on the Saturday or the Sunday?

ENormaSnob · 26/10/2013 16:45

Yabu

And controlling.

LowLevelWhinging · 26/10/2013 16:47

can he not celebrate during the day and go to the do at night?

Methe · 26/10/2013 16:48

Oh please! tell him he can't go.. You're not his owner!

I don't think his work christmas party is the thing causing issues with our marriage.

MommyBird · 26/10/2013 16:48

Can't he just go out on the saturday night, have a few and come home?

Original poster
Unknownmember · 26/10/2013 16:48

His birthday is on the Saturday. But if I go on his regular pattern of what he is like, he wouldn't be home till Sunday afternoon.

DC would be having his nap and then we would have about two or three hours before his bed time

OP posts:
Methe · 26/10/2013 16:48

your marriage that would be.

MikeLitorisBites · 26/10/2013 16:49

Yabu imo.

A 3rd birthday isnt a biggie to us and could easily be celebrated another day.

My ds' birthday is Dec 12th and for the last few years his bday has been around my Christmas do. I've alwats gone to my parties.

Dp would never dictate to me where and when I could go out and I wouldnt ever do it to him.

kinkyfuckery · 26/10/2013 16:49

I am assuming Dcs birthday is the following day...

Can he make it back early, or not stay overnight?

BasilFucker · 26/10/2013 16:49

I think it sounds like the drinking is the real problem and so is his reliance on other people's opinions.

But I don't think it's OK for him to go and assume he can come back and celebrate his DC's birthday on Sunday afternoon, the assumption being that you'll have done all the work and preparation for it.

Basically he's wanting to be out for the greater part of his DC's birthday weekend then stroll in as if he's a guest while the work of preparing it has all been dumped on you. Not reasonable.

But tbh if you have a problem with his drinking, that's far more important IMO.

Ihatemytoes · 26/10/2013 16:50

YABU.

kinkyfuckery · 26/10/2013 16:50

So he celebrates the Dcs birthday on the Saturday, then goes to his works do.

Where's the problem?

MikeLitorisBites · 26/10/2013 16:50

So whats the problem with him spending Saturday morning and early afternoon with ds then going off to the the party and home sunday?

curiousgeorgie · 26/10/2013 16:50

I would probably ask my DH not to go, rather than telling him, if I really didn't want him to. He'll only resent you if you make him stay, then it won't be enjoyable anyway?

dexter73 · 26/10/2013 16:50

'I said no' - jeepers, who made you the boss? YABU.

sapfu · 26/10/2013 16:51

At this stage, YABU.

Celebrate in the afternoon and he can go out in the evening.

But having reread your last paragraph, I suspect this is nothing to do with your dc's birthday and more to do with other stuff.

WilsonFrickett · 26/10/2013 16:51

I don't understand why you can't do that on the Saturday and then he can go to his do, surely it's in the evening?

sapfu · 26/10/2013 16:51

What time would he leave on the saturday, to go to the work do?

SofaKing · 26/10/2013 16:51

Yanbu. If he is drinking enough to cause you marital problems, he should not go on a bender the night before his son's birthday. There is a risk he will be hungover and ruin the day and I doubt you will forgive him for that if there already issues stemming from his drinking.

LowLevelWhinging · 26/10/2013 16:52

I really don't understand this.

Why does it matter what time he comes home on Sunday if DC's birthday is Saturday? Confused

YABU

HappyMummyOfOne · 26/10/2013 16:52

He is not a child and telling another adult they cannot do something is wrong.

Why cant you just fit the cake in around it, the child is 3 and wont know any difference. Do you really invite your friends for a childs birthday cake?

YouTheCat · 26/10/2013 16:52

I don't see the problem. You celebrate your child's birthday before he goes off on his drinking binge. Confused

BasilFucker · 26/10/2013 16:52

Yes what's wrong with doing your DC's birthday party on the Saturday (so he can do preparation for it as well)? Is there an issue with guest's availability?

Or is it that you're scared he'll go to the party and get roaring drunk and have a hangover next day?

MommyBird · 26/10/2013 16:52

Cant he celebrate on the saturday day/afternoon then go out on the night?

I can see where you're coming from if i'm being honest.

The drinking is the main problem.

ShatnersEmptyCatacomb · 26/10/2013 16:53

YABU. Are you just looking for a reason to stop him? Seems unfair to me.