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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say DH can't go to his Xmas work party?

239 replies

Unknownmember · 26/10/2013 16:42

So DH's work Xmas do is on a Saturday and includes an overnight stay in a hotel, as it's really a get as drunk as you want party. He really wants to go to this.

But it's the same day as DC1 3rd birthday. I said no as I think he should be at home celebrating. I was thinking we would go out for the morning and have a few of our closest friends over for cake later in the day.

He think it's ok to go and then come back Sunday afternoon and celebrate then.

I do have issues with him and his drinking, and also have said that he places too much importance on what other people think of him. And this is happening at a detriment to our marriage.

AIBU?

OP posts:
PedantMarina · 26/10/2013 18:44

OMGs! Some of these replies!!!

OK, Worra and anybody else who suggests this is a sexist thing.

If this were a reverse, my answer (and that of many others) would be the same:

  • 3rd birthday is too young for the DC to get s/he is being "abandoned" - the hang-up is more on the OP than the DC
  • some works doos are important to be seen at. Simple as. Without hearing anything else about it, I'm going to assume that it's really on the Saturday and that overnight is A Good Idea, if not required. Weird, by my reckoning - my works doos are always on a weekday night, but I don't know about the OP's DH's place of employment, so I don't extrapolate.
  • if the real issue is drinking, or worry about infidelity, well, you haven't really mentioned that, and I can only give as much opinion as your facts allow.
  • if the real issue is that the DH gets all the works-do fun whilst you're a SAHM, well, that's what my "DH owes you a lie-in next weekend" comment is all about. at very least! A girlie night out, a romantic dinner, whatever floats your boat.

I am REALLY not liking some of the attempts at divisiveness that are going on here. This thing is not across gender lines. Reasonable behaviour is non-gender specific.

BasilFucker · 26/10/2013 18:50

"Are you always so controlling? Maybe thats why he drinks."

That is a disgraceful thing to say. People with drink problems, are responsible for their own drink problem, no-one else is responsible for it.

It is disgusting to tell someone who may be living with someone who has a drink problem or teetering on the edge of that, that s/he's responsible for his/ her partner's behaviour. That's exactly what alcoholics tell their partners, because they refuse to take responsibility for their own drinking. FGS don't validate that shit.

It might turn out he hasn't got a drink prob at all, will now read rest of thread...

Trills · 26/10/2013 18:56

So if the birthday is on the Saturday then what's the problem...?

everlong · 26/10/2013 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BasilFucker · 26/10/2013 19:02

No she doesn't, that's why I thought she might have come back to say what they are.

Tiredemma · 26/10/2013 19:02

has the OP come back?

Bowlersarm · 26/10/2013 19:05

Op yabu from your first post.

There is no reason why your dh can't celebrate your sons birthday and go to his works Christmas party.

That time of year is busy and we all have to fit in multiple celebrations plus parties.

BrianTheMole · 26/10/2013 19:05

If the birthday is on saturday, what time is dh planning on leaving to get to his party?

verytellytubby · 26/10/2013 19:09

I don't get it. He'll be around for the birthday party, go out in the evening (when a 3 year old will be in bed) and come back Sunday lunchtime. Seems fine by me.

Pinupgirl · 26/10/2013 19:24

Yanbu op. My dh often has to work on our dcs birthday but he will make every effort to try and get home a bit early for the presents/birthday cake bit.

He wouldn't dream of binning his dcs birthday for a night out on the piss with work mates.

Did you all ignore the part about him having issues with drinking and this possibly affecting the whole weekend which is obviously important to the op, in your rush to put the boot in?

Hmm-at the cool wives.

Writerwannabe83 · 26/10/2013 19:25

Bint he isn't binning off his sons birthday.....he wants to go out on the night of the birthday when his son will be in bed anyway!??

everlong · 26/10/2013 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 26/10/2013 19:40

"Cool wives" Hmm Here we go.

Pinupgirl · 26/10/2013 19:42

Listen to yourselves-comparing a night out on the ran dan with the op having a bath or 5 minutes peace to eat a meal. Go read Wifework.

HaroldLloyd · 26/10/2013 19:44

Cool wives. Yeah it's so radical and cool to "let" your other half go out in the night when the kid is in bed ffs.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 26/10/2013 19:45

For some reason I seem to be struggling to grasp the timeline and not confident I've got it straight! My DS is having his third birthday this Dec and there is no way either DH or I would prioritise a night out over it - I find some of the 'he won't remember it anyway' replies quite sad. However I don't really understand if the OP's husband IS prioritising the night out or if he can celebrate all day and then go out?

I also think it's a bit shitty if showing your face at the work party is important for getting ahead; I'd be really annoyed if work impinged on my private life and social time any more than necessary. But I get the impression that this isn't about making a good impression, he just wants a piss-up? I think I'm too boring to sympathise with that...

BasilFucker · 26/10/2013 19:46

And the potential drinking issue gets ignored again.

everlong · 26/10/2013 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BasilFucker · 26/10/2013 19:47

Sorry X posted with jellyandcake

ilovesooty · 26/10/2013 19:48

We don't know what the potential drinking issue is.

ShatnersEmptyCatacomb · 26/10/2013 19:48

Yay, I'm a cool wife because I let my husband socialise without me and the kids. I'm a total bloody dude.

flowery · 26/10/2013 19:49

"He wouldn't dream of binning his dcs birthday for a night out on the piss with work mates."

No sign of the birthday being "binned", and I don't know about your DC but mine had their 3rd birthday celebrations during the day and were in bed by 7-7.30.

There must be a lot more to this as taken at face value on its own, the OP is v. unreasonable IMO.

YouTheCat · 26/10/2013 19:49

I remember my third birthday. All the invitees were a lot older than me. I got told off for getting over excited and then ate too much cake. Grin

The OP says she has issues with him drinking, not that he has issues with drink. Two very different things.

everlong · 26/10/2013 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinupgirl · 26/10/2013 19:50

Have you actually bothered to read the op Harold-the op mentions issues with drinking,the op also mentions that this is quite a regular occurrence for the dh while presumably the op stays at home doing the grunt work.

I would not be happy if my dh prioritised a works night out over a dcs birthday-don't care what age the dc is.

The op would like her dh to be there to celebrate their dcs birthday and she is made out to be some kind of harpie-how very dare sheHmm