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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say DH can't go to his Xmas work party?

239 replies

Unknownmember · 26/10/2013 16:42

So DH's work Xmas do is on a Saturday and includes an overnight stay in a hotel, as it's really a get as drunk as you want party. He really wants to go to this.

But it's the same day as DC1 3rd birthday. I said no as I think he should be at home celebrating. I was thinking we would go out for the morning and have a few of our closest friends over for cake later in the day.

He think it's ok to go and then come back Sunday afternoon and celebrate then.

I do have issues with him and his drinking, and also have said that he places too much importance on what other people think of him. And this is happening at a detriment to our marriage.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/10/2013 17:28

How would you cope if your DC's birthday was on a midweek day?

Would you expect your DH to take a day off work?

Latara · 26/10/2013 17:28

You see, i'm young, single and if I could drink alcohol and go to a mixed sex overnight work xmas party i'd be like ''wa-heyyy!!''....

But if I had a partner it would be different - i'd want to go home to them after a few drinks - is it the fact that he doesn't want to come home to you more of an issue for you than about your DC's birthday if you are honest??

Preciousbane · 26/10/2013 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

livinginwonderland · 26/10/2013 17:29

YABU. Why can't he spend Saturday with you and the DC, then go out Saturday night and come back Sunday for dinner and bedtime routines?

ilovesooty · 26/10/2013 17:31

I think YABU. If you think it's acceptable to dictate to another adult you are also controlling.

Preciousbane · 26/10/2013 17:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasExhausted · 26/10/2013 17:33

YABU he has come up with a perfectly sane workable option, celebrate birthday in the day and go out in the evening.

SarahBumBarer · 26/10/2013 17:34

If he has a problem with alcohol then it is fine to be concerned by this and to want to do something about it. But you need to tackle it root and branch not just with a controlling attitude about one individual event. The fact that it is DS's birthday (3rd!) is totally manageable of itself.

meekenough · 26/10/2013 17:39

would he be spending time with DS during the day?

if so that YABU a bit.

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2013 17:42

Even if he does have a problem with drinking too much, staying at a hotel instead of coming home and waking the family up is probably the best option.

RescueCack · 26/10/2013 17:43

I'm shocked by the pasting OP is getting here! I'd be gutted if DH binned off our child's birthday for getting pissed with colleagues.

YANBU.

CaptainSweatPants · 26/10/2013 17:44

It's a birthday not a birthday weekend

Brokensoul · 26/10/2013 17:45

YANBU just because as his partner , you can express your feelings and wishes but it's on him to decide.
If he chooses to go, do not fret about it ! You wouldn't like to be told what to do and if it is a drinking problem- why wait
for the party to worry about it.
Those issues you should discuss before even some party comes up. It's a serious thing.
So, YANBU !!!

bearleftmonkeyright · 26/10/2013 17:45

Op, if you are there I would suggest you rephrase your op and post again, maybe in relationships. I am clearly a lone voice in thinking yanbu but that is probably because I don't understand corporate culture and the need to go to these works events to get on. There is clearly more than you have said. I hope you can get things resolved.

HellMouthCusty · 26/10/2013 17:45

  1. what time is he leaving on saturday - as if he is leaving around 5ish there is no problem here

  2. if he is leaving earlier - you are quite right, he cannot be expected to celebrate his sons birthday the day after - therefore he makes a choice - he does. not you.

  3. if his drinking is a problem and it is ruining your marriage - have rid of him by trying to stop him doing things and MAKE him be with you he will be resentful and petulant and you turn into his mum

CaptainSweatPants · 26/10/2013 17:45

Rescuecack - he's not binning it off, it could be in the afternoon & he could go out in the evening

Brokensoul · 26/10/2013 17:46

Ps I would like my dh to want to be with my dc on bday not me telling him what to do IYKWIM!

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2013 17:47

What are you most shocked about Rescue?

That some people on this thread don't treat their partners like children?

That they're not controlling?

That they feel the OP's DH can spend the best part of his 3yr old's Birthday with him before heading out, and returning to spend more time with him on Sunday afternoon?

Or is there something I've missed?

Catsize · 26/10/2013 17:48

YANBU.
I have a similar situation for our son's second birthday.
I am not going to the party, as it just wouldn't feel right, even though I could go after he has gone to bed.

PeppiNephrine · 26/10/2013 17:50

We don't know he has a problem with drinking, we know she has a problem with it. Thats not the same thing.

RenterNomad · 26/10/2013 17:51

I'm quite shocked at all the sneering at what sounds like rather a miserable and lonely weekend. I bet unknownmember won't be thinki g of MN fir company once H has sloped off to get pissed, nir when he's back and hungover... Hmm

bearleftmonkeyright · 26/10/2013 17:51

Why is it assumed that the op is controlling based on one sentence. It's a massive stretch and I too am quite shocked at the pasting the op is getting. But then I think it was a mistake to post in aibu.

ConfusedDotty · 26/10/2013 17:52

Is your DH not an adult? Can he not decide for himself? YABU.

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2013 17:52

A miserable and lonely weekend because the OP's DH is staying out over night?

Really?

everlong · 26/10/2013 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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