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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say DH can't go to his Xmas work party?

239 replies

Unknownmember · 26/10/2013 16:42

So DH's work Xmas do is on a Saturday and includes an overnight stay in a hotel, as it's really a get as drunk as you want party. He really wants to go to this.

But it's the same day as DC1 3rd birthday. I said no as I think he should be at home celebrating. I was thinking we would go out for the morning and have a few of our closest friends over for cake later in the day.

He think it's ok to go and then come back Sunday afternoon and celebrate then.

I do have issues with him and his drinking, and also have said that he places too much importance on what other people think of him. And this is happening at a detriment to our marriage.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 26/10/2013 17:55

Of course he should go to the Christmas Party, blimey!

YABU.

He spends the day with you and his son, celebrating his birthday and then goes to his Work's Do in the evening. I really don't see where the issue lies?

PeppiNephrine · 26/10/2013 17:55

you don't need more than one sentence. telling another adult that they are not allowed to go somewhere: controlling. It is a simple deduction.

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2013 17:55

There is no party everlong

The OP has decided that her and her DH should take the DS out for the morning, and then she's decided their friends should come over for cake.

Brokensoul · 26/10/2013 17:55

OP is not controlling. She is expressing her wishes! I would like my dh to spend all day at bdays with us but sometimes, it's not possible.

ilovesooty · 26/10/2013 17:56

I'm saying the OP is controlling based on such phrases as 'can't' 'I say no' 'he should be celebrating'
in fact on the entire first post.

sheeplikessleep · 26/10/2013 17:56

If I were you op, I would not say DH can't go.
But I would ask him to scuttle back quickly on the Sunday morning and be up for ds's birthday without an obvious hangover!
DH had a boys night out last sat and it was ds's birthday on the Sunday. Bless him, I think he was shattered on the Sunday, but he was happy as larry for DS. I would have Been pissed off if DH was mardy and hungover, or at least visibly!!

Brokensoul · 26/10/2013 17:56

Where is op?

Writerwannabe83 · 26/10/2013 17:58

I'm confused - is their son's birthday on the Saturday or the Sunday?

sheeplikessleep · 26/10/2013 17:58

what are your issues with his drinking?

everlong · 26/10/2013 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 26/10/2013 17:58

'I said no' - How much more controlling can you get?

bearleftmonkeyright · 26/10/2013 17:59

Fair enough peppi, op you are controlling, although if she has any sense she will have run for the hills by now if she can recover from the massive kicking she has just received.

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2013 17:59

For those advising the OP to start this thread in Relationships...

I've got an idea

Why doesn't she start a thread saying her Husband has told her NO, she's not allowed to go to her work Christmas party, get drunk and stay in a hotel overnight...because he has decided they should go out for the morning and has also decided what they should do for the rest of the day.

Then she can throw in the bit about her coming back Sunday afternoon to spend time with her DS, but he's still saying NO.

That should go down a storm in that topic...

soontobemumofthree · 26/10/2013 18:00

On just the issue of going to the work do
YABU

What time does he leave on the saturday - if it is for an evening meal or just going out would that be at 6pm? Later? If so he'd have had the majority of the birthday day. Can't he go out with you and have the cake with friends with you? Does he have to be there on the day after a birthday also?

If you have issues with his drinking - does he drink heavily? Or do you mean you don't trust him if he has been drinking?

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2013 18:00

Sorry everlong, the Birthday's on a Saturday according to OP's second post.

Writerwannabe83 · 26/10/2013 18:02

Maybe the Works Do is during Saturday day time hence the issue of him missing his son's birthday??

everlong · 26/10/2013 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bearleftmonkeyright · 26/10/2013 18:05

That would be me worra. I am.not trying to win a fight here. Just suggesting where advice could be sought. I don't really underatand what you mean.

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2013 18:06

I could understand if they'd booked a party and it meant the OP being left alone to organise it all.

Or if the child was older than 3 and likely to be bitterly disappointed (though I'd wonder how he would cope on a work day).

But I can't even remember my 3rd Birthday and I doubt the majority of people on this thread can remember theirs.

I agree with those who have said there's much more to this.

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2013 18:09

bear there was more than one person who suggested the Relationships topic...I just didn't want to name check them.

My point is, imo the OP would be more likely to receive biased advice because her partner is male.

Swap the sexes round and there's a very real likelihood he would be called a control freak.

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 26/10/2013 18:13

"I was thinking we would go out for the morning and have a few of our closest friends over for cake later in the day."

Whose closest friends, OP ? Grin

Can't tell you how chuffed I would be if DP told me we would be spending our afternoon going to a 3 year olds birthday party for cake.......

PedantMarina · 26/10/2013 18:15

Yup. Kid's party on Saturday day, DH's grown-up party on Saturday night-into-Sunday.

Mind, he totally OWES you a lie-in next weekend. And these are my conditions which I bequeath unto you.

HTH.

Trills · 26/10/2013 18:30

Kid's party on Saturday day, DH's grown-up party on Saturday night-into-Sunday.

Yep. This.

The 3 year old does not know that his birthday is on the Sunday rather than the Saturday.

kinkyfuckery · 26/10/2013 18:36

Trills OP posted to confirm that DCs birthday is on the Saturday, not Sunday.

Topseyt · 26/10/2013 18:41

If you live with a problem drinker then I can understand where you are coming from with regard to that. I don't live with a problem drinker, but we have experienced it directly and at close quarters in the wider family and seen the problems it can cause.

If that is the case then it is not unreasonable to have some reservations about the overnight do.

Ultimately though, your husband is an adult. You don't have the power to stop him going if he really wants to.

This definitely doesn't appear to be about your son's birthday because as others have already said, you would celebrate the birthday during the day, and come the evening when children are ready for bed your husband can head off for the office party. In years to come a three year old will hardly even remember it anyway.

So, either it is the problem drinking, or there is a trust issue for whatever reason here.

I would not belittle whatever the problem is, but there clearly is one, and it is causing the OP some insecurity. I would like to say that you are not being unreasonable, but in reality there is little you can do about it.

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