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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say DH can't go to his Xmas work party?

239 replies

Unknownmember · 26/10/2013 16:42

So DH's work Xmas do is on a Saturday and includes an overnight stay in a hotel, as it's really a get as drunk as you want party. He really wants to go to this.

But it's the same day as DC1 3rd birthday. I said no as I think he should be at home celebrating. I was thinking we would go out for the morning and have a few of our closest friends over for cake later in the day.

He think it's ok to go and then come back Sunday afternoon and celebrate then.

I do have issues with him and his drinking, and also have said that he places too much importance on what other people think of him. And this is happening at a detriment to our marriage.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Onesleeptillwembley · 26/10/2013 16:54

He could do the birthday thing then go to the party - I'm sure your 3 year old won't be missing out. Don't be so controlling - unless, of course, you have more to dripfeed.

Hooleywhipper · 26/10/2013 16:55

A few others have said and I agree, he can spend most of Saturday with you & still go Xmas party? You get your DC all to yourself on his birthday evening, everyone is happy?

BurberryFucker · 26/10/2013 16:56

I don't know - but if a woman came on here saying that her DH wouldn't 'let' her go on a works do, and had 'said no', I know what the advice would be......

MetellaEstMater · 26/10/2013 16:56

It does sound like the drinking/hotel combination is the problem. Would you (hand on heart) be unbothered if it wasn't your DC's birthday?

ChippingInNeedsANYFUCKER · 26/10/2013 16:56

An overnight work party - what are they thinking?... surely, one way or another, this will not end well!?!

That aside - I think you need to examine why you don't want him to go - honestly. Is it because it's your DS's birthday or is it because you don't trust him - especially in this kind of environment??

If it is only because it's your DS's birthday, you could go out for breakfast with DS - do something fun, then DH could go to the works do and you could spend the day doing something nice with DS, then have a few friends over Sunday late afternoon for cake. IF you wanted to... a 2 turning 3 year old has no expectations of how a birthday should be celebrated so he wont be disappointed and he will get a whole weekend of being the centre of attention - what's not to love about that when you're 3?

If, on the other hand, it's because you don't trust him, then don't blame it on being DS's birthday and deal with his drinking/partying/untrustworthyness.

BurberryFucker · 26/10/2013 16:58

on the other hand, if you are married to an alcoholic then the only advice I have for you is to LTB.

PuppyMonkey · 26/10/2013 16:58

OP wants to have the celebration on Saturday with friends. Her DH wants to go to Xmas do and have birthday celebration on Sunday when he gets back. HTH.

I

MoldieOldNaiceHam · 26/10/2013 17:00

yabu. Its important to show your face at the work do. Is he management? If he is thats more reason.

BackforGood · 26/10/2013 17:01

YABU.
Please come and tell us why you can't have the 'birthday afternoon' on the Saturday, and then your dh can go to his works 'do' ?

bodycolder · 26/10/2013 17:01

3 yr olds birthday not as much fun as xmas work piss up.

HaroldLloyd · 26/10/2013 17:04

We would do birthday celebration Saturday, DP goes to party in the evening.

I don't see why this can't happen- unless there is something else bothering you?

If it was the Friday I could understand a bit more as he'd be bogging on the day but sorry I don't get this.

Coconutty · 26/10/2013 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LIZS · 26/10/2013 17:06

What time does the do start ? If he can spend most of the day with you and ds what is the problem Confused . I'm thinking the drinking itself may be more of an issue here though.

Groovee · 26/10/2013 17:07

Can I ask what your problem is with regards to his drinking?

RachelBerry · 26/10/2013 17:10

YANBU

Sometimes its nice just to come first, and have your wishes taken into account.

PeppiNephrine · 26/10/2013 17:12

Are you always so controlling? Maybe thats why he drinks.

ChestyCoffin · 26/10/2013 17:14

You said no Hmm

YABU to tell a grown adult he can't go.

I don't understand why you cant celebrate on the Saturday and DH go to works do later on the Saturday?

LIZS · 26/10/2013 17:15

that's a bit harsh peppi . Presumably he is old enough to drink responsibly when he chooses.

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2013 17:16

YABU

It all seems to be very much about what you want.

thistlelicker · 26/10/2013 17:16

Is this for real??

bearleftmonkeyright · 26/10/2013 17:20

I think you are yanbu. There is no way I would go out and get pissed and probably miss my kids birthday. That is shit imho.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 26/10/2013 17:23

I think this is more about the drinking issue than the birthday issue...

So, is your drinking issue based on a real concern (like how much he drinks, or whether he is trustworthy drunk, or how much he spends) or is it just because you don't like him drinking?

It's very difficult to advise on whether you are being UR when you've just said 'drinking issues'.

squoosh · 26/10/2013 17:23

My reaction would be to say that YABU but your last paragraph makes me think there's more going on. Is he a heavy drinker?

BobaFetaCheese · 26/10/2013 17:24

Yabu

He can celebrate Sat morning/afternoon, and then again on Sunday afternoon.
Missing two/three hours of a child's birthday (at 3) really isn't that important.

When you say he places too much importance on what friend's think, is the one who has a reputation for having a thumbprint on his head?

What's the issue with his drinking? Does he have trouble controlling it?

DragonMamma · 26/10/2013 17:25

YABVU

Why can't he celebrate your dc's birthday Saturday (the actual day??), go to his works do in the evening and come back Sunday afternoon? I'm presuming as your dc is 3 that they'll be in bed by 7.30/8pm so your DH is hardly missing out on the entire birthday.

I'd tell my DH to piss off if he told me I couldnt go.

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