To think you should cater, or not invite?

[DSM]

I have dietary requirements.

I realise it's annoying, I have to live with it. But it is a medical condition, not a choice.

So, AIBU to think that if you invite me to your house for food, you should actually cater yo my needs and not just make me eat what's suitable, thus leaving me with basic rations whilst watching everyone else eat a delicious meal?!

Or is catering to dietary needs such a hassle that I should expect to have to be left out?

No, yanbu. Doesn't sound very nice of your hosts! Are you very restricted in what you can eat?

Of course you should! And it is rude not to ask before people come if there is anything they can't eat.

If I invited someone with dietery requirements I would cater for them, yes.

Yanbu.

Well I would yes, but unfortunately people with "allergies" have mean that people with allergies and genuine conditions are lumped in with the fussy pain in the arses.

I would expect to cater for you as long as you made me aware of it with enough notice and maybe gave me some guidance / ideas of what to cook if the requirements are particularly obscure. Not everyone would do this, but I would consider that rude.

Yeah, quite restricted but not totally wild. I mean, I manage to feed myself every day, and eat out reasonably often without incident.

It happened twice in a week. And both hosts know entirely about my condition.

I wouldn't invite you if I wasn't prepared to cater for you. I think your "hosts"are bloody rude actually. If I was unsure what you would be able to eat I'd run the menu past you first. YANBU

Absolutely you should cater!

It partly depends on the situation you are in, close friends I would expect more from than say going to a family party of your DPs second cousin that he hasn't seen for ten years, but if you're going to make an invitation then you have to host properly.

As someone with dietry requirements you should try and make it as easy as possible for your host to adequately cater for you.

YANBU-provided they knew of your requirements well in advance

The main I couldn't eat. I had veg and potatoes.

There was only one dessert, and it was unsuitable for me. So I had to watch them all eat it, along with the obligatory 'mmm this is delicious' commentary.

That was the first day.

Second day... I got salad.

I think it depends on the circumstances.

If you were specifically invited over for a meal, then it would be sensible to make something you could eat. I wouldn't expect everyone to have to eat something suitable for you, but it you had something you could eat then that would be OK.

If you were invited for something else which just happened to include some food, I wouldn't expect to be catered to.

I say this as someone who for much of my life has had dietary restrictions.

We always tell people who don't know about my condition if going round for food. Always.

These hosts (both sets) are more than aware. We have holidayed with them, they came to ours for Christmas dinner last year (and remarked on how it was actually okay even though it was 'special' food )

Of course they should cater for you, or even say "we would love your company but are worried about feeding you do you want to bring something you can eat?" - not ideal by any means but at least you would be able to eat.

but really its not hard to ask someone what they can eat and cater for that

I have a friend who has dietary requirements. Pretty much everything I love is the stuff she can't eat. We just go out for meals these days!

Both occasions we had been invited round for dinner.

yanbu. Please can I be nosey and ask what the requirements are? Might they have misunderstood, is it like some people unaccountably don't seem to know what "dairy" means?

I always ask anyone who is coming round to eat what dietary requirements they have and what their likes and dislikes are. It is basic good manners. Besides, I wouldn't want to make a load of food that isn't going to get eaten. That is basic common sense.

It was more like they didn't care.

They served the food and then said 'oh, you won't be able to eat this but there's veg and potatoes'. Then dessert came and again, 'you can't have this'. No confusion.

The other occasion was similar - they said 'we are having X for dinner, which you can't eat so I've made you a salad'.

Why not cook something everyone can eat? Why make me feel like a damn leper?

i would definitely make the effort for you

Come to mine, I would cater for you. What are you allergic to?

My DS had to go wheat and dairy free for a while. It was hard work but not impossible. When he got admitted to hospital for something unrelated, they expected him to eat special toast for breakfast, with nothing on, and ham and chips for lunch and tea. I did complain. I mean, how hard is it to just do a bit of meat, veg and potatoes?

Mildred - gluten, celery, shellfish, kiwi fruit, and mustard.

I'm basically with you, but not on "why not cook something everyone can eat'. At a meal with friends the other night and one is very fussy / restricted to very plain food with very little in the way of taste or texture. Sorry, but why should all ten of us have had to eat food without flavouring?

YANBU - I try to cater for medical conditions, lifestyle decisions and general dislikes (obviously with varying levels of importance). It is the hospitable thing to do. I'd be a little nervous having someone with a proper allergy, just in case of cross contamination, but I would ask them for advice. It might depend on what the things the person can't eat are. I would find it a challenge to feed a vegan.

I would call ahead and ask what your favourite meal was and make you that.

Inviting people to dine with you - make them feel important, or at the very least, like you actually want them there.