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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you should cater, or not invite?

180 replies

DSM · 07/10/2013 21:33

I have dietary requirements.

I realise it's annoying, I have to live with it. But it is a medical condition, not a choice.

So, AIBU to think that if you invite me to your house for food, you should actually cater yo my needs and not just make me eat what's suitable, thus leaving me with basic rations whilst watching everyone else eat a delicious meal?!

Or is catering to dietary needs such a hassle that I should expect to have to be left out?

OP posts:
BrokenSunglasses · 07/10/2013 23:18

Are you absolutely sure that they didn't realise there would be gluten in the stock cubes? You don't sound that close to them for you to have told them something random like that.

Unless its just me being thick, but it wouldn't occur to me to check stock cubes for gluten, so doing pie with the pastry separate might have seemed like a good idea?

MidniteScribbler · 07/10/2013 23:25

Celery I'm pretty sure would be the hardest to avoid

I hate celery and have never cooked anything with it in. It's not hard to avoid at all.

GeorgianMumto5 · 07/10/2013 23:28

YANBU. I get a this too on occasion and I agree that it is rude and uncaring. One person, a family member who is well aware of my dietary restrictions, that I can't help having, does this to me quite often. She did once stretch to leaving me the packets to read, so I could at least confirm that I couldn't eat the food.

cartoad · 07/10/2013 23:29

We had some friends to stay a while back, one of whom was veggie whilst the other had to eat stuff that was gluten and dairy free and a couple of other specific things I can't remember. So as a couple they often don't eat the same meal as there isn't a huge amount of overlap in what they can both eat and that they both enjoy.

Having puzzled over what to serve up for a while, we ended up doing a big spanish feast, with all sorts of everything - meatballs, roasted veg, frittata, friend halloumi slices, loads of salads, some GF free bread and other safe bits that we could. We were lucky enough to know that the veggie half of the couple didn't mind meat being served at the same meal and the gluten free/ dairy free half didn't mind that stuff being out on the same table as they do at home and we were all very careful not to cross contaminate.

They were really touched that we'd managed to come up with something that they were both happy with and that everybody had managed to have a nice full meal without anybody feeling hard done by because they couldn't eat most of it. But we'd also checked out what we were planning to do with them as obviously if the veggie had objected to having meat on the table or if there was a risk if there was non gf/dairy free stuff on the table then we wouldn't have done it and would have carried on puzzling what to do until we did find something that worked for everyone.

Very mean in their situation to not even figure out a basic replacement for the main bits you couldn't have, let alone a dinner party version for you!!

BreconBeBuggered · 07/10/2013 23:31

Your DP's family sound pretty heartless, OP. I've catered for coeliacs with multiple allergies before and if you haven't looked into it or thought about it much before it really is trickier than it sounds; however, once you've grasped the basics, it's not hard to come up with a few tasty dishes that everyone could eat.

HavantGuard · 07/10/2013 23:35

I thought you were going to say gluten free vegan or something! It's really off that they didn't bother to cater for you. Desert that's gluten free shouldn't be hard. It took about 15 seconds to find this and now I'm hungry. Add some berries on the top and serve with soft whipped cream.

HavantGuard · 07/10/2013 23:37

Dessert. I'm pretty sure deserts are gluten free.

Notcontent · 07/10/2013 23:38

Your friends sound selfish but maybe they are just a bit ignorant and not good with food. It's very easy to cook without gluten and diary (I know you can eat diary but just using that as an example) but most western food nowadays is based around wheat and diary. You can make hundreds of different meals just using vegetables, meat and eggs. You can also make lots of yummy desserts using fruit, almond meal, etc.

Ireallymustbemad · 07/10/2013 23:39

OP - I agree with you. We have a couple of celiac friends and I do cook stuff that everyone can eat. Eton mess is my guaranteed desert!

foreverondiet · 07/10/2013 23:45

I think it depends what it is and how difficult it would be to cater for.

Many of my family have food intolerances - eg mum is gluten free, no meat, no dairy, and my nephew is allergic to eggs and my cousin is allergic to chicken fish and nuts, yet I always seem to be able to accommodate everyone, sometimes by making a couple of options.

I find it harder to cater for my nephew as we don't really eat much wheat / gluten but that seems to be all he eats.

However my DH's aunt came and she had a very restrictive diet, whole list of vegetables she couldn't eat including onions, also no pepper. I ended up making her steamed salmon and spinach because none of my normal options would work for her for one reason or another.

So on balance I guess depends on a lot of factors. I would always try but know it can be hard.

In terms of your restrictions, well you could eat almost everything I cook - so it wouldn't really affect me at all - I try to avoid gluten whenever possible, we don't eat shellfish as we are jewish, and celery mustard and kiwi I rarely buy.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 07/10/2013 23:52

I would be very wary of cooking for someone with allergies. I have never cooked for someone with an allergy.

I would just be honest with my guest and give them the option to bring there own.

nameimadeupjustnow · 08/10/2013 00:00

Next time, just politely excuse yourself from the table for a moment... and then walk out the door and drive yourself to a restaurant. Return in time to pick up DH and thank your hosts for the meal.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 08/10/2013 00:03

Have to admit I didn't even think about the fact that stock cubes might have gluten in.

timidviper · 08/10/2013 00:06

I think it is really rude. A friend of ours has coeliac disease and we always make sure there are things she can eat when she visits and we try to take a GF treat when we visit. (Incidentally it never occurred to me that chocolate would not be gluten-free until I went to bake something using it!)

Rockinhippy · 08/10/2013 00:10

YADNBU & they are rude beyond rude & having seen your dirty needs, your not exactly that difficult to cater for - they are not only very rude but they have absolutely no imagination either

Though we've had similar as pescetarian - ended up eating boiled potatoes & asparagus for a sunday meal we were invited to ourselves recently - don't see the point in making such a fuss of inviting us just to do that - people are bloody weird

Rockinhippy · 08/10/2013 00:11

Dietary needs - autocorrect is on form tonight Grin

ILikeBirds · 08/10/2013 00:12

I can understand people not realising stock cubes had gluten in because not all of them do. I'm a recently diagnosed coeliac and it didn't occur to me at all until someone mentioned it as the stock cubes we normally use are gluten free (knorr).

AmberLeaf · 08/10/2013 00:20

YANBU

My step Mum is a coeliac and she has had this issue so many times over the years.

She is a fab cook though and does all sorts all gluten free, I think it is much easier when you know how.

I don't think most people realise how many foods have gluten in them.

I hate celery and have never cooked anything with it in. It's not hard to avoid at all

It is, if you look at ingredient lists you will find celery in loads of things. it isn't just fresh celery.

festered · 08/10/2013 01:28

Yes they should cater for you.I would ask beforehand what someone would like to eat, dietary requirements or not! Or at least what they DON'T like or CAN'T eat!
I'm a vegan. I know this can come across as fussy, my friends are very accomodating and some of them have actually enjoyed learning how to cook without animal ingredients and now use some of the meals they cooked for me, for themselves and adapted them for other guests.

Retroformica · 08/10/2013 06:26

It's so easy to cook a gluten free meal. Sunday lunch without gravey or curry with rice.

Retroformica · 08/10/2013 06:27

Mean and rude to treat guests that way

Sokmonsta · 08/10/2013 08:15

Yanbu. I have a very young relative who is gluten, wheat, dairy, soya, nut free and who has intolerances to several other foods. Some are life threatening (needs an epi pen). Some just make them a little ill. I can manage to cook a lovely meal which all of us can eat with no problems. We just revert to roast type meals and all have the same. It's not actually as hard as I though it would be.

IneedAsockamnesty · 08/10/2013 09:14

Midnight,

Afaik its in loads of table sauces,cooking sauces and lots and lots of those time saver ingredients people tend to use and don't admit to.

Nanny0gg · 08/10/2013 09:18

I'm not what you'd call a cook, but your dietary restrictions don't actually seem that complicated to me. Gluten-free is pretty easy these days (had to do it for one of my DC for a while).
And whilst I'm also a fussy eater I'd be able to come up with a dinner menu that suited all of us fairly easily. Shellfish is not compulsory!

I think your 'hosts' were very very rude.

Fuzzysnout · 08/10/2013 09:21

You need some nicer friends. They sound rude, sorry.