Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you should cater, or not invite?

180 replies

DSM · 07/10/2013 21:33

I have dietary requirements.

I realise it's annoying, I have to live with it. But it is a medical condition, not a choice.

So, AIBU to think that if you invite me to your house for food, you should actually cater yo my needs and not just make me eat what's suitable, thus leaving me with basic rations whilst watching everyone else eat a delicious meal?!

Or is catering to dietary needs such a hassle that I should expect to have to be left out?

OP posts:
CrohnicallyLurking · 08/10/2013 16:06

Littlestgirlguide- in that situation I would ask her what she would suggest you make. She must have some recipe ideas she uses at home that she could share with you!

Original poster
DSM · 08/10/2013 18:47

Celery is sadly in loads of things - unexpectedly! It's not just celery in its common form.

And they told me I couldn't eat the sauce because they'd used normal stock cubes - it wasn't that they didn't realise. They told me!

I could take a cool bag, but tbh, when I am travelling over 100 miles, staying in a hotel and everything that goes with being away from home.. I don't feel that I should have to cook and transport my own dinner, when I have been invited for dinner.

Thanks everyone for helping me see I wasNBU.

But now I am upset at their behaviour, and wondering why they would be so rude to me...

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 08/10/2013 21:08

Littlestgirlguide I'd give her the veggie dish. Sounds like she is just being very fussy. And while I'd try to accommodate weight loss diets I think its a bit much to expect this as a guest. If she won't eat the veggie option I'd ask her to bring something for herself tbh.

Op YANBU and your friends are very rude. Your situation is very different with restrictions due to medical issues and not fussiness.

maddy68 · 08/10/2013 21:20

I'm gluten free. I think you are being a bit unreasonable. Yes the first one not being able to eat the main without a substitute is pretty mean.

The second they made you a salad? They catered for you? What do you expect? I think they were considerate

whois · 08/10/2013 21:26

Littlestgirlguide just give her a REALLY small portion of whatever everyone else is having :-)

Original poster
DSM · 08/10/2013 21:33

They didn't 'make' me a salad. They made enchiladas for everyone, there was salad on the table for everyone to help themselves to. She ever so kindly served my salad up for me.

OP posts:
Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 08/10/2013 21:37

Don't suppose they had a dressing you could eat either???

fotheringay · 08/10/2013 21:41

I would always cater as me and dd have restrictions but a lot people are clued up on what to cook etc so I would always ask if they would like me to make/bring anything with me to help, especially if they were catering for others. It's a bit harsh to not try and find you something else you could eat even if its just a bit of fruit for pudding or ham to go with the potatoes.

AveryJessup · 08/10/2013 21:52

God, you went to a meal where they served enchiladas for dinner? And they didn't even bother to give you a gf alternative? That's torture!

I have been on the brink of tears about things like that in the past. It's so awful to sit there starving when everyone else is enjoying a tasty meal and you can smell the food and so on.

That's really unacceptable. They could at the very least text you to say 'we are serving enchiladas for dinner and are too lazy to make you an alternative, even a bowl of nachos and dips, so bring your own meal, please'. Then at least you would be prepared.

Bogeyface · 08/10/2013 22:07

Am I the only one who relishes a challenge like this?

I love cooking but thanks to life I rarely have the chance to indulge my inner gastronome, so when we had a dinner party with 1 veggie, 1 vegan, 1 coeliac vegan, 3 meat eaters and 1 meat eater allergic to anything green (seriously, he is allergic to chlorophyll) I loved it!

I spent days planning and shopping (did a moroccan menu in the end) and it went down a storm! You friends were selfish and rude. If they are not into cooking particularly then the easiest thing to do would be to ring you and ask, or say what they are planning to cook and asking advice on how to make it ok for you!

MrsCosmopilite · 08/10/2013 22:15

Your requirements are easy to cater for!

I once made a cake which had to be shared amongst a group of people including one diabetic, and two gluten-free (one of whom was dairy free). It was a challenge, but I pulled it off.

I'm veggie, and have vegan friends, plus one gluten free, one dairy free, one who only eats kosher. It's not difficult, I find it really annoying when people can't be arsed. A salad is a total cop-out.

pantsonbackwards · 08/10/2013 22:15

That's quite upsetting op! Was the salad really basic too?

I think your dh should have a word next time before you go.

I've been in a situation where there was nothing suitable to eat except lettuce, and i was there for DAYS! I felt ill by the end.

Original poster
DSM · 08/10/2013 22:20

It was literally lettuce, tomatoes and cucumber. They'd been prepared as sides to the enchiladas.

DH did actually have a word with those hosts ('didn't you get something DSM can eat?') but the other ones.. It's a bit awkward.

OP posts:
JackNoneReacher · 08/10/2013 22:24

OMG what an awful situation. You must have been starving.

Perhaps you should have announced how hungry you were or wandered into the kitchen and whipped up something for yourself.

PeppiNephrine · 08/10/2013 22:31

I can't believe the poster above who said you were UR! They'd be mad if a guest was annoyed if they had been given a meal they couldn't eat?! What planet are some people on?

They just don't care, do they? I can't imagine not making the effort, hell my 10 year old could have prepared you 2 courses that were better than you got.

tabulahrasa · 08/10/2013 23:02

"Everyone is happy except funny-diet girl, who said she couldn't possibly eat that unless I used fat free mince, tomato purée not passata or tinned tomatoes, no peppers or onions, and purée it before serving. Seriously!"

None of that's a slimming world thing - except extra lean mince, and the veggie one would be fine if you used normal mince in the meat one...that's just a weird eater thing.

HangingGardenofBabbysBum · 09/10/2013 02:24

Were they also catering for others? Children? Did you have fun apart from the good?

I'm gc and prefer to eat vegan. Some people cater, some don't/can't/won't.

It's two meals in your life, for your DH to catch up with people he's close to.

I think you're being a bit precious here, there was some stuff you could eat.

It sounds like you're taking the whole thing WAY too personally. Those posters who have sat in tears etc? Blimey.

HangingGardenofBabbysBum · 09/10/2013 02:25

Good = food

Bunbaker · 09/10/2013 07:12

"I think you're being a bit precious here, there was some stuff you could eat."

You aren't very hospitable. Are you the host the OP was writing about?

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 09/10/2013 07:16

There wasbt something she could eat though. She had a dry salad. The salad wasn't for her it was a side dish to the main they couldn't be arsed to cook for her. It was beyond rude.

RooRooTaToot · 09/10/2013 07:52

OP YANBU - that was seriously rude of them.

Littlestgirlguide - she doesn't sound very Paleo. DH is mostly Paleo and I was for a while and did a lot of reading about it. It is a big thing that you don't have lean cuts or mince in Paleo. Fat is welcomed. Paleo is basically meat, fish, veg, nuts and fruit. I'd be tempted to do her a fish fillet with some green beans, or do a fish dish instead of a meat dish.

SamsGoldilocks · 09/10/2013 08:31

I'd be so tempted to invite them over and serve yourself a delicious meal and then plonk spuds and veg on their plate or some poorly thought out salad.

Let them see how rude they've been.

MaidOfStars · 09/10/2013 09:06

YANBU in the slightest.

And one (reiterated from above?) word for those struggling to cater for multiple food requirements...tapas (my favourite type of meal anyway).

Although it wouldn't help if someone is so allergic, they can't even share a table with the offending product...

Original poster
DSM · 09/10/2013 10:13

I don't think i am being precious - it's a medical condition not a choice. And yes, it's only '2 meals of my life', but forgetting the fact that the two meals happened in two consecutive days, leaving me VERY hungry (and away from home), I am presuming this is likely to happen again.

Even if it was choice, I think, personally, and most people here seem to agree, that if you invite someone for dinner, you don't serve food they can't eat.

OP posts:
HangingGardenofBabbysBum · 09/10/2013 10:15

Bun, au contraire, I'm very hospitable.

But I know people for whom it's not a forte. For all sorts of reasons, not everyone is able to rustle up a meal for intolerant (pun intended) guests. And lots of really lovely hosts who just wouldn't know where to start to provide GF food.

As a GI guest, I'd be happy, for one evening, to just have what I could and enjoy the company.

And not take it so very personally.