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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you should cater, or not invite?

180 replies

DSM · 07/10/2013 21:33

I have dietary requirements.

I realise it's annoying, I have to live with it. But it is a medical condition, not a choice.

So, AIBU to think that if you invite me to your house for food, you should actually cater yo my needs and not just make me eat what's suitable, thus leaving me with basic rations whilst watching everyone else eat a delicious meal?!

Or is catering to dietary needs such a hassle that I should expect to have to be left out?

OP posts:
youretoastmildred · 07/10/2013 21:55

In that case they are meanies. Did they make roast beef and then gratuitously garnish it with kiwi fruit?

breatheslowly · 07/10/2013 21:55

So a main without gluten, celery, shellfish and mustard - that leaves almost everything. A dessert without gluten or kiwi.

YANBU at all.

Hassled · 07/10/2013 21:55

I don't think they're particularly good friends, really. And they can fuck right off next Christmas time.

You're absolutely right - they just couldn't be arsed to deal with it. Incredibly rude of them.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/10/2013 21:56

YANBU. However I have never quite recovered from a bloody vegan, no gluten eating person who dictated everyone's meal at my house, then argued with his GF, stormed out and everyone had to eat crap food. However, you would probably be a lovely guest I would be happy to cater for.

QuintessentialShadows · 07/10/2013 21:56

Are they doing it to spite you?

It should not be hard to cook a meal that excludes those items!

How about a roast chicken with rice and veg?

Have they both made mains with shellfish?

Original poster
DSM · 07/10/2013 21:56

Fairy lights - there's a difference between catering to someone who is fussy, and someone with special dietary needs.

For example, they could have bought gluten free stock cubes to make the gravy. But they didn't, so I couldn't have any.

Or use GF biscuits for the cheesecake. Or maybe don't make cheesecake...

The food I eat is not plain, or lacking in taste or texture. I just ate a delicious homemade curry.

It is pretty horrible to have to sit and watch people eat a (what looked) delicious meal whilst picking at veg.

OP posts:
Original poster
DSM · 07/10/2013 21:58

No, both mains included gluten (a steak pie for the one I ate the potatoes and veg, and enchiladas for the one I got salad at)

And dessert was a cheesecake which obviously was made with digestives.

OP posts:
Original poster
DSM · 07/10/2013 21:59

A is for all the YANBU comments. I feel better.

OP posts:
frogspoon · 07/10/2013 22:00

YANBU

Those sound like very easy alterations to make. The gluten did not form the main part of the meal, and it would be pretty easy to provide a gluten free dessert e.g. fruit salad or ice cream

Bunbaker · 07/10/2013 22:00

"Mildred - gluten, celery, shellfish, kiwi fruit, and mustard."

I wouldn't find you difficult to cater for. Your needs aren't exactly limiting for a competent cook. I have a couple of coeliac friends and have even driven miles out of my way to buy gluten free soy sauce for a meal.

Sorry but your "friends" are utterly thoughtless and selfish.

SparkleSoiree · 07/10/2013 22:00

If I am hosting I always enquire a few days before to ask if there are any dietary requirements. I would feel awful if someone sat at my table and couldn't eat what I had prepared for them, especially if I could have avoided it by being a bit more thoughtful....

YANBU

Talkinpeace · 07/10/2013 22:02

YANBU
I can think of loads of yummy meals I could cook you.
With plenty of warning its almost more fun to plan an unusual menu rather than do the same boring stuff

almost worth inviting both people to supper at yours and doing some knockout dishes and rubbing it in RIGHT THROUGH THE MEAL about how 'different' often means 'good'

QuintessentialShadows · 07/10/2013 22:02

Could they not have the gravy on the side?

I dont understand gravy at all.

I marinade my chicken in olive oil, crushed garlic, bay leaves, herbs, some red wine. The juices will be the "gravy". Delish!

I cook for my GF aunt who has lactose intolerance without a problem. (Heck, I even made her a special Gluten free Christmas cake one year) My friend with sever allergies to nuts and chilli has loved my curries.
I can substitute milk with rice milk (me and ds2 cant have soy) or coco milk.

BIL is a vegetarian.

Another friend is lactose intolerant, allergic to fish and shellfish, and another one can only eat chicken and veg.

I honestly dont understand how some people can be so pigheaded about food. Nobody has gone hungry from my house!

georgedawes · 07/10/2013 22:03

yanbu, how rude.

marriedinwhiteisback · 07/10/2013 22:04

Now you've said what you can't eat, I don't think that's remotely difficult to cater for.

I imagine you would have eaten poached salmon with an hollandaise sauce (without mustard added), new potatoes and a green salad or a green vegetable or even a casserole thickened with cornflour with something like raspberry pavlova for pudding. Lots of starters to chose from: halloumi with a lime dressing and rocket, roasted red peppers with garlic and cherry tomatoes, Vichyssois (sp), all sorts of antipasti.

I think your hosts have been very unreasonable.

frogspoon · 07/10/2013 22:04

I am assuming you did give your friends sufficient notice of your allergies.

I would be annoyed if a friend only told me on arrival that they couldn't eat xyz. It is your responsibility to tell your friends in advance what you can't eat, and theirs to host you as a guest by providing food you can eat.

Ragwort · 07/10/2013 22:04

Did you offer to make a pudding or take something? In my circle if we are having a meal at each other's houses everyone always says 'what can I bring' - often the host will say 'don't worry' but it is not unusual for one friend to bring a starter, someone else make a pudding etc.

I think if I had a fairly restricted diet (and finding GF things if you are not GF yourself can be a bit of a challenge) I would always offer, fairly forcibly, to take something to share.

ZZZenagain · 07/10/2013 22:05

doesn't seem very hospitable to invite people to your home and serve them food they cannot eat.

Maybe they are the kind of people who are good at cooking a few favourite dishes but not really keen on trying to prepare other things?

Don't see why they could not have provided some meat without a pie crust and something like meringues that you could eat. I can see why you didn't enjoy it.

justmyview · 07/10/2013 22:05

Your list doesn't sound too difficult to avoid so YANBU.

In the past, I only had a few dishes that I could cook with confidence. Accordingly, if one guest was vegetarian or had some special requirement, I tended to buy a ready meal for them. With hindsight, I realise this probably wasn't very hospitable, but at the time, I felt I was doing my best by providing something that I knew they could eat

NaturalBaby · 07/10/2013 22:05

YANBU. Are they the type who don't believe in/understand dietary requirements?

Original poster
DSM · 07/10/2013 22:06

The gravy was part of the pie, but the lids were cooked separately.. So they could, potentially, have allowed me to eat the meat/gravy if they'd used gf stock cubes. But they didn't.

I've had issues with dessert before at people's houses. They make an amazing dessert, and offer me a yoghurt or some such shite.

Most people are incredibly willing and often delighted at the challenge. Some just don't seem to think how ostracising it is to be fed sides and no dessert!

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 07/10/2013 22:06

You wouldn't even need to be a competent cook to deal with that list my kids would be able to deal with it quite well.

rockybalBOOOOa · 07/10/2013 22:07

They sound like selfish knobheads. YANBU.

Original poster
DSM · 07/10/2013 22:09

They did know in advance - they have been present and aware of the whole process of my being in hospital, being very ill, and going through a long diagnostic process. They are more than aware of what I can and can't eat.

I didn't offer to take a dessert, which I have with other friends in the past, because we were away from home, visiting said friends, staying in a hotel. They knew this, we live over 100 miles away.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 07/10/2013 22:16

I think you just need to be honest.

Next time you are invited, say one of the following (or one after the other)

Are you actually going to cook something I can eat, or do you plan to let me sit and watch you enjoy your meal?

Or, how about we go out for a meal so that I can also eat?