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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH coming home from night out at 4.20am

208 replies

Mumofhree · 14/09/2013 05:03

AIBU to be furious with my DH coming home from a night out at 4.20am? I am 40 years old, have two small children (4 and 2) and am 35 weeks pregnant. I find it difficult to sleep now anyway but impossible to sleep when he is out as I know what will happen.

So tmw will be full of arguments and he will try and find himself time to recover from night out.

This isn't te first time it has happened

OP posts:
TheUglyFuckling · 15/09/2013 10:50

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JoinYourPlayfellows · 15/09/2013 10:52

"But why are her needs more important than her Dh's?"

Right now, because she's 35 weeks pregnant.

TheUglyFuckling · 15/09/2013 10:58

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YouTheCat · 15/09/2013 10:59

Her needs are more important because she is heavily pregnant and doing all of the childcare without a break. Lovely that he dh gets to swan off but when is her time off?

My ex never changed a nappy or helped with a night feed. I did ask him to frequently because I was struggling as a first time mum with twins. It had not a thing to do with me being a martyr and only I could do it right and had everything to do with him carrying on as before and being a lazy twat.

TheUglyFuckling · 15/09/2013 11:00

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YouTheCat · 15/09/2013 11:03

But he doesn't see a problem. He gets to do what he likes. If he does nothing to help the OP with looking after the children then she just has to get on with it because not doing it isn't an option.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 15/09/2013 11:06

"she's 35 weeks pregnant, she's not ill (unless she has health related issues with her pregnancy)."

Pregnancy IS a "health related issue" FFS.

God, there are few people more annoying than those who bang on about how pregnant women are not sick and therefore don't deserve any extra care and consideration.

This woman IS CARRYING HIS CHILD.

He needs to fucking look after her like a proper husband and father.

If that means knocking the boozing on the head for a few months, it's hardly the end of the fucking world, is it?

You are making stuff up about what she feels and how she behaves the rest of the time to justify being a completely smug, self-righteous and ridiculous dick about how much her husband is entitled to drink himself into a stupor on a regular basis because that is the only way a person can be themselves and have fun.

It's quite clear to me that you are using this woman's problem to justify your own selfish drinking habits. (How do you like them apples? People making shit up and pronouncing judgement on your life?)

pictish · 15/09/2013 11:08

Very glad I'm not married to some of you lot on here, waiting behind the front door with your metaphorical rolling pins! Confused

YouTheCat · 15/09/2013 11:13

Pictish, it's not a problem that he goes out but his attitude about being even slightly helpful when he is needed.

He's not really doing much parenting.

Bowlersarm · 15/09/2013 11:22

I'm still with you TheUglyFuckling, what you say makes total sense.

pictish · 15/09/2013 11:22

He's not like that because he stays out till 4am though. I stay out till 4am, and I'm perfectly nice.
My dh is great actually, and doesn't mind me being a wastrel the next day. He brings me tea and bacon sandwiches, and sympathises with my hangover.

The fact that this guy's an asshole has nothing to do with the 4am return. Some folks on here have their pinnies in a twist over the idea that their SOs might actually go out, and stay out, for fun!

I never signed the you-are-a-parent-now-all-fun-must-cease contract. S'all I'm saying.

YouTheCat · 15/09/2013 11:27

That's fair enough.

TheUglyFuckling · 15/09/2013 11:59

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YouTheCat · 15/09/2013 14:46

Even if he's back in at 9, with his pipe and slippers, he still sounds like a twat. He's not doing any parenting.

I do agree that if this continues it won't lead to a happy dynamic. But I'd also say that the OP's dh is unlikely to want to compromise as he has it all his own way. Believe me. I have lived in a similar situation. There would be talks about what was acceptable from both sides and then 2 weeks down the line it was back to the ex behaving like all leisure time was his, as if he was single.

Good luck OP.

VitoCorleone · 15/09/2013 14:53

Totally agree with JoinYourPlayfellows

TheUglyFuckling · 15/09/2013 16:12

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YouTheCat · 15/09/2013 16:25

OP has said he has only looked after his kids for one day in the last 4 years. I'd say that is a bit crap regardless of if he comes home at 4am.

Bowlersarm · 15/09/2013 16:29

Well if he's only looked after the kids for one day in four years I'd say there were bigger issues here than rolling in drunk at 4.20 on one particular morning.

Bowlersarm · 15/09/2013 16:31

....and that btw is a different scenario to the opening post.

TheUglyFuckling · 15/09/2013 16:37

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YouTheCat · 15/09/2013 16:45

Sounds great. That's what most couples do. They do things to make each other's lives better so that family life runs smoothly as it can and everyone is happy. Sometimes you might have to put yourself out a bit but it's a twoway thing.

It sucks balls if you have one half of that equation who really doesn't give a shit though and it is really difficult to fix because the one having all the fun is not going to want to change that unless they have some kind of epiphany.

Retroformica · 15/09/2013 17:14

Normally this is ok but the fact OP is about to pop changes everything. He was very selfish

prissyenglisharriviste · 15/09/2013 17:21

Oh, I dunno. He's probably posting 'I work ft, and have been renovating a house in every spare waking moment. This means Dw gets to look after the kids (we have oodles of them and she is pg with the next one. She is v happy with the division of responsibility). Last night I went out and hung one on, probably the last chance I'll get as dc3 is due in 5 weeks. I got back a bit late and she is furious. Should I suggest we put the renovations on hold so that I can give her a hand with childcare? We're both knackered (toddlers, work, renos) and it's making me really snappy....'

prissyenglisharriviste · 15/09/2013 17:21

'Having all the fun' rofl.

YouTheCat · 15/09/2013 17:26

Yes, having all the fun. All that is available given the renovations and working.

When is OP's fun? Hmm