Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH coming home from night out at 4.20am

208 replies

Mumofhree · 14/09/2013 05:03

AIBU to be furious with my DH coming home from a night out at 4.20am? I am 40 years old, have two small children (4 and 2) and am 35 weeks pregnant. I find it difficult to sleep now anyway but impossible to sleep when he is out as I know what will happen.

So tmw will be full of arguments and he will try and find himself time to recover from night out.

This isn't te first time it has happened

OP posts:
500internalerror · 14/09/2013 08:38

Maybe he wanted a night out before the baby arrived?

SilverApples · 14/09/2013 08:39

Perhaps she should leave him then.
Oh wait, that would mean she was heavily pregnant, had two small children and he could stay out as often as he likes.
Or they could sit down and sort things out like two sensible, mature adults.
Without the arguing and stress, which is not good for any of the family.
Odd to extend your family with such an unsatisfactory mate though.

Screwfox · 14/09/2013 08:41

Lol at apples

SpeccyBat · 14/09/2013 08:42

Pagwatch Grin

Primadonnagirl · 14/09/2013 08:42

Here's a rolling pin for you to hit him with...People, having small kids and being PG doesn't make someone a martyr..and having a late drunken night out doesn't make someone a bastard. If your unhappy with his behaviour fine tell him ( though I think YABU) but don't take the moral high ground

ThreeTomatoes · 14/09/2013 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hardboiledpossum · 14/09/2013 08:51

Yabu
i have late nights out about twice a month, the same as my dp does. We both take it in turns to have a lie in on the weekend.

elcranko · 14/09/2013 09:14

When you say it's happened before, if its like a couple of times a year then YABU.

However, if its a really regular thing and he stays in bed all day the next day then YADNBU. You are heavily pregnant and also have other little ones and in your situation, while I wouldn't mind my DH having a night out, I'd be annoyed if he was so drunk or so tired that he wasn't able to help me our the following day.

LittlePickleHead · 14/09/2013 09:32

Yanbu unreasonable AT ALL

I have had a similar thing last night (and sorry about to hijack for a rant)

I only realised DH wasn't home at 5am when 4yo dd started crying with a bad dream. DH is currently sleeping on a sofa bed as we have 4 month old DS who is sleeping terribly, so I am up half the night. DH needs to sleep for work, so has completely unbroken nights. I am on my knees with exhaustion, which DH knows.

So I call him, he was at the poker club (not drunk) and says he's coming home. He got in at 5.45am. I have been awake since 5am (not counting the time I was up with DS before that) with both kids in my bed. Got up at 7 and although DH tried to stay up he was acting really strange (hardly surprising given lack of sleep) and so is now in our bed dead to the world.

You know what, no, he doesn't do it much. But he does get a social life (I don't) and he does get to have fun, I don't mind him going out, but to get in so late that is writes off the day is not on at this specific point in time. I should be the one getting the fucking lie in, as should you OP! Pregnancy/small children are small periods of time in life, and it doesn't take much to just calm things down and have a bit of consideration for that short time. I love to go out and party when things are equal, but at the moment they are not.

But the choice is either let him get some sleep, and do the things we planned today on my own with two children (house viewing so he really should be there) or wake him up and have him feel as crappy as someone who has had 3 hours sleep will inevitably feel.

Sorry for hijack OP, rant over, and for all those who say YABU well bully for you for not giving a shit when your partner clearly disregards their well being during times when they need support.

MakeHayIsAWhaleNow · 14/09/2013 09:37

Grandstanding, I can't speak for anyone else but for me, no - given that I am currently rather pg with two small children I am certainly not ignoring that bit. I am still empathising a bit with the dh If, as pp have said, it is not very regularly, he does his bit the next morning (and yes, I would take a cuppa to my dh following a night out - if only to make sure he's awake and functioning! Not at 7 though, I'm perfectly capable of sitting dcs in front of cbeebies for a couple of hours on a Saturday morning, and they love it too. We're lazy on a weekend...and I am not a Stepford wife.) and if he would have no problem with the OP doing the same if/when not pg.

Not unreasonable of dh at all - in fact, I think separate (not totally) social lives can be healthy from time to time.

FetchezLaVache · 14/09/2013 09:51

Don't have any problem with the going out all night bit (as long as you have the opportunity to do so as well should the fancy take you and notwithstanding advanced pregnancy), but HWBU not to let you know it was going to be such a late one. I never minded my DH going out all night, as long as he let me know so that I wasn't worried about him being dead in a ditch somewhere. And if he fails to pull his weight today or requires a lie in, that's fine too- as long as you get the same tomorrow.

FetchezLaVache · 14/09/2013 09:52

(Well, fine within reason. I'd be issuing plastic flutes and drums to the kids in about an hour's time, meself.)

Parmarella · 14/09/2013 09:59

Yabu to plan s spectacular fallout as today's plan.

noddyholder · 14/09/2013 10:51

Don't let it ruin your weekend!

sooperdooper · 14/09/2013 10:55

I rolled in around that time last Saturday, I'd have been really pissed off if Dh had complained about it, he doesn't give me a curfew because we're both adults

Labootin · 14/09/2013 11:00

Dh got in this morning at 5am .. Kipped in the sofa ..shaken awake he had a cup of Very strong coffee at 8am then left to take ds to his golf lesson, this afternoon is horseriding with dd so an hour sitting in a drafty barn with the smell of horseshit.

I'm going out shopping in a bit.. On my own bliss.... There's been no rows, no,stony silences

If I go out (which I do) I don't have a curfew, I'm an adult, and whatever time I roll in (frequently at 4 am) is done on the proviso that the weekend isn't ruined.

Mind you my hormones at 35 weeks pregnant were probably raging, ,and my children are older and capable of sorting themselves out (bar lifts to various bloody activities) so, I doubt I would have been quite as reasonable as I am now.

Labootin · 14/09/2013 11:01

X post with sooper re curfew

Thurlow · 14/09/2013 11:02

Normal situation with easy kids and this not being that common an occurrence, I'd say YABU. He went out, he got drunk, he stayed out late... meh.

At 35w pregnant with two young kids? YANBU.

I think I put my foot down on the drinking at about 36w pg and that was with my first!

Yes, adults don't need a curfew but when it probably means that the heavily pregnant parent looses help on a weekend with the kids, it's just unfair really.

SPsTotallyMullerFuckingLicious · 14/09/2013 11:02

It wouldn't bother me.

This is why I enjoy been a single mum I think. He goes to his dads and I can do what I want.

You think that's late? I went out at 9pm Saturday and didn't get home til 2pm Sunday afternoon. I'm glad I dint have to answer to anyone over that Grin

JoinYourPlayfellows · 14/09/2013 11:04

What do you "know will happen" when he goes out?

I think 4am is pretty late to be coming home when you have two small children and a pregnant wife.

YouTheCat · 14/09/2013 11:10

To those who aren't bothered if their dp comes in at 4am, if you then make sure that said dp gets up and does kiddie activities, are they driving?

Labootin · 14/09/2013 11:15

Nope, golf course is walkable from us as is stables (joys of semi rural village living) when we lived in Dubai (we've just moved back) he got taxis

JoinYourPlayfellows · 14/09/2013 11:17

Must be lovely for children to be brought to activities by a drunk father.

YouTheCat · 14/09/2013 11:18

I think leaving a dp in charge of kids whilst they might be still drunk (even if they aren't driving) wouldn't sit well with me.

Each to their own though.

Having said that I don't think going out until 4am and getting slaughtered is a good idea when your wife is nearing the end of pregnancy. Shows a lack of care and thought.

Labootin · 14/09/2013 11:21

YY he's staggering around the driving range, pinching the Lady Golf Captains arse and hiccuping