DH coming home from night out at 4.20am

[Mumofhree]

AIBU to be furious with my DH coming home from a night out at 4.20am? I am 40 years old, have two small children (4 and 2) and am 35 weeks pregnant. I find it difficult to sleep now anyway but impossible to sleep when he is out as I know what will happen.

So tmw will be full of arguments and he will try and find himself time to recover from night out.

This isn't te first time it has happened

Haven't read the thread but it's my thoughts that he shouldn't be doing this when you are heavily pregnant with two little children to also be responsible for. No excuses.

But generally speaking as long as you can say yes to the following three questions I would be fine with it:

Do you trust him?
Would he be happy for you to do the same?
Has he asked you (not told you) ?

Yet more people coming on to say they stayed out til stupid o'clock and their OH didn't mind. As if that's got anything to do with the OP's situation...

Add message | Report | Message poster YouTheCat Sat 14-Sep-13 11:10:42
To those who aren't bothered if their dp comes in at 4am, if you then make sure that said dp gets up and does kiddie activities, are they driving?

Of course he doesn't drive if there is any chance he wouldn't do so safely. And if he was still drinking late in to the night, that would probably be the case.
I am perfectly happy to drop him at swimming and go back home.

Christ alive. Do people really drink much that they are still really drunk the following day?
I am rarely drunk but I have taken the DC to gym or wherever after what for me was a heavy night without the DC being mortified or scarred for life.

I only asked because the ex thought nothing of getting plastered and then hopping in the car the next morning. Some people don't think.

I never let him drive me or the kids anywhere if he'd been drunk the night before.

I agree totally. It's amazing how some people think they can go from really drunk to within the drink drive limit in a few hours with a bit of sleep.

Yanbu. You're heavily pg with 2 young dc.
How pathetic of anyone to say yabu.

Yanbu op-I think people on here are being disingenuous on purpose with regards to your situation.

Nowt wrong with your dh having a night out-plenty wrong with rolling in at stupid o'clock when you are heavily pregnant with 2 young dcs whom you will now have to take sole responsibility for all day today.

I would be making sure the kids are up there bouncing on his head until he has to get up!

I'm in the 'its fine once in a while' camp. I go out so rarely, that when I do, I'll stay out late too.
Op is only 35 Weeks. So most likely over a month away from giving birth. If it were 39 Weeks,that would be different.
There seems to be 3 kinds of couples, those who focus 100% on their kids, those who still enjoy some of their Previos hobbies, and those,who ignore kids totally for their previous hobbies. the trick is to be the same, and one of the first two,!

Amazed how many of you have forgotten how vulnerable and tired you can feel at 35 weeks pregnant.

I would be pissed off, not because of the late night but because of the lack of consideration for the circumstances. Expecting your partner to man up and act like an adult and put you first isnt asking too much IMO. Yanbu OP!

queenofdrama - how pathetic of anyone to say yabu

Great debating skill you have there

I wish I could post a sensible comment but I'm too busy laughing at Pagwatch's dogs telling her about the prowling axe-murderers.

My cats do a similar "ears up- head swivel" type thing that translates as "Did you hear that? That'll be a vampire climbing in the window..."

OP hasn't even been back, I bet she's completely over it.

I'd bet she's more likely too busy dealing with 2 small children on her own.

It is all fine and well to say 'well I do it/dp does it and it's all fine' but I'd expect that is by mutual agreement.

Doesn't sound like there's much mutual going on for OP.

If he's still sleeping at this point in the day he's a massive cunt.

Now everyone is just surmising.

Without the OP coming back to update or answer comments there's no point making up what may or may not be going on in their house.

(Although that bit is quite fun...)

If it's every week it's unreasonable - if it's only occasionally then I don't see the problem.

If this was my DP, I'd let him have a lie-in til midday and then have a lie-in til midday myself on Sunday.

35 weeks isn't too unreasonable either, if it was nearer to your due date then fair enough (unless you have a history of early labours?).

What time were you expecting him OP?

^LOL at 40 being too old to go out.

That's not what I meant. I meant that the hangover the next day gets worse as you get older - what you'd shake off in your 20s and maybe 30s, becomes more difficult to do, the older you get. [/speaks from bitter experience]

Chances are - a 40-year old rolling in at 4:20AM is not going to be fit for much the next day.

In any case, the OP seems to have disappeared, so at this point, we're arguing amongst ourselves.^

In my late teens / early twenties I would have rolled in the house at 7am bleary eyed, had a shower, brushe my teeth, got dressed, drank some coffee and gone straight to work and functioned fine throughout the day.
In my thirties am a responsible mum so always make sure I am in by 3am so I can get at least 3 hours sleep before needing to deal with the children. My husband is over 40 and he manages really well on just a few hours sleep after a nights drinking and he has only had a hangover once in the last decade.
So yes you are right about needing longer to recover when we get older, but some clearly manage on much less sleep than others even after the grand old age of 40.
All this talk of nights out and being irresponsible is making me think about arranging a night out with my girly friends before we hit 40 and have to resort to nights in with our knitting
I much prefer discussing the recovery times required for a drinking session than support / slate the OPs husband as the OP hasn't been back.

Depending how often he does this depends if yabu or not

If lots then no - if rare then yes

Kids should be asleep as should you so as long as capable of getting up (not driving) and looking after kids then don't see a problem

Yes you are preg but baby unlikely to come now - maybe within 2 weeks or so

Could be dhs last boys night out before no 3 comes

Not dh fault you can't sleep (I'm the same) but as long as quiet when comes in then not a problem

Amazed here at the responses! What on earth does anyone need to stay out until 4:30 am for? How can anyone take responsibility for children the next day after such a late night out?

OP: YAsooooNBU!! This is teenage or college student behavior. Not that of an adult with a family.