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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that girls only parties at 3 are not the norm?

272 replies

Redpipe · 07/09/2013 18:47

I have a 3 year old boy and there is a party for one of the girls at his nursery. The nursery only has 8 kids in his area. They do all their activities together and get on well (as well as 3-4 year old do!). All 6 girls have been invited to one of the girls party but neither boys have been invited because apparently "the party is just for girls and will have a girly theme"

AIBU to think that party invites by gender are not the norm for this age and just help to start the whole boys are different thing. I can't put my finger on it but it just doesn't feel right to me.

OP posts:
stubbornstains · 08/09/2013 10:47

Worked that time Smile

Dancergirl · 08/09/2013 11:02

Both boys would have been very happy to take part in a fairy party btw. They were excluded not because they aren't into the theme but because they are boys

That may be so but the mother of the birthday child isn't going to take individual likes and dislikes into account. She probably just thought it would be easier to do girls only.

Just explain to your ds that x is only having girls to her party and leave it at that. It's no big deal.

As your son gets older, there will be a million different reasons why he's not invited to this party or that party. It really doesn't do your child any favours to kick up a fuss each time (even secretly!). Not everyone does big/whole class parties, not everyone does mixed sex parties, it's just how it is. My children know that sometimes they're invited and sometimes not, we don't have an analytical discussion into the reasons why they're not invited.

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/09/2013 11:06

I am a veteran of birthday parties. Last night was DDs 18th and my house is full of hungover teenagers Smile
We have hosted all types of parties and the only time we sex segregated was when the sleepovers started and the kids were of an age that mixed sleepovers were a bad idea.
DS was interested in having boys only parties for many years, we gave him the party he asked for. I doubt inviting some girls along despite his wishes would have been a pleasant experience for them, despite the PC brownie points I could have collected.
Once the hormones hit it was mixed parties all the way so I doubt the earlier single sexed events damaged anyone in the slightest.

thegreylady · 08/09/2013 11:09

My dgs had mixed parties till his sixth when he had a much smaller party with his best friends who are boys. His closest girl friend wanted a teddy bear's picnic when she was six and specified fairy or princess costumes. She did not invite dgs but did send an invite to Fuzzy,his duck, who is his favourite teddy. Dgs was invited to collect Fuzzy at the end of the party and was given cake and a party bag (for Fuzzy). Everyone was very happy especially dgs and his friend.

Thisisaeuphemism · 08/09/2013 11:17

Agree with nice tabard. Allowing your kids to exclude others on basis of sex at three years old is odd, really odd.

Original poster
Redpipe · 08/09/2013 11:23

Sunglasses
Good question
I think it doesn't sit right because if there had been 8 girls I am fairly sure all 8 would have been invited. It's the fact they were only excluded because of their gender and no other reason.

OP posts:
friendslikethese · 08/09/2013 11:25

Do people's sons honestly run around wearing pink dresses?

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/09/2013 11:27

Mine used to like to dress up as Peter Pan and showed zero interest in his sisters Princess Jasmine costume. Clearly I've failed as a parent... Grin

BrokenSunglasses · 08/09/2013 11:29

But what if there were 12 children in the group and there was an equal mix of boys and girls?

Would you have felt better about it being a girls only party then?

I can understand you being upset about two children out of a group of 8 being left out, but I don't have a problem with the principle of having a girls or boys only party. Which is why I wondered if you would feel the same about the gender separation if there were as many boys in the group as there were girls.

Original poster
Redpipe · 08/09/2013 11:32

Dancer girl

I wasn't looking for advice on how to deal with my son. I have also said several times that I understand there will be lots of reasons in the future. Not sure you have read the whole thread

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 08/09/2013 11:41

When DD was little she had boys and girls at her parties. When she was old enough to decide who she wanted to invite the number of boys dwindled each year to nothing. By the time she was 7 she just didn't like boys. She is 13 now and still doesn't. All the parties she has been to in the last few years have also been all girls.

Original poster
Redpipe · 08/09/2013 11:42

If there were 12 kids and there was only room/finance for 6 it might be more understandable.

For all posters patronisingly offering advice about how to explain to my son and saying how I shouldn't get upset. I have and I am not so please read my posts.

OP posts:
Growlithe · 08/09/2013 11:43

I remember one mum in DD1s nursery who only invited girls to a 4th birthday party. She had 2 daughters and had apparently invited boys one year to her eldest's party. Her girls must have been quite quiet and she was shocked at how boisterous the boys were and felt she couldn't handle them, so never asked boys again.

Now this has not been my experience, when they are little its kind to have everyone if you can afford it, and pick a theme that works for everyone. I just offer this woman's view up as a possible explanation.

SunshineMMum · 08/09/2013 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Redpipe · 08/09/2013 13:02

I am not upset that people disagree I am finding poster jumping to incorrect assumption that I am upset or need advice on how to parent my son in this situation patronizing. Most of all crumbly suggesting I would cause my son more upset by exasperating the situation is annoying.
I simply posed the question is this normal. I am not upset. Jeez!

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 08/09/2013 13:11

Redpipe, what are you going to do when your DS wants a football party and will refuse to invite girls at approx. age 7-10?
Invite them anyway and spoil your sons day?

OutragedFromLeeds · 08/09/2013 13:14

Maybe he won't refuse to invite girls?! Shock

Maybe someone with a vagina playing football won't spoil his day. Can you imagine? Let's really think outside the box for a minute....Hmm

and yes football mad DC2 has had a football party and yes he invited girls and no they didn't ruin it!

Original poster
Redpipe · 08/09/2013 13:16

Katiestarlett
If you read my OP the words "at this age" are in there! Jeez!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Redpipe · 08/09/2013 13:20

Outragedfromleeds
Grin.
I like the fact Katie knows that my son will want a football party though with the use of the word when not if..

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 08/09/2013 13:22

It was an example, as you know. Can you answer the question, please?

Dancergirl · 08/09/2013 13:23

redripe you DID say 'how do I explain to my son that he's not invited because he's a boy?' I suggest you read your thread!

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/09/2013 13:27

I am interested in whether you believe promoting gender neutral behaviours over the preference of the child, that's all.

Original poster
Redpipe · 08/09/2013 13:29

Dancergirl
I didnot write "how do I explain he's not invited because he's a boy". Please pint to the time of the post you are seeing that on

OP posts:
Crowler · 08/09/2013 13:29

Jesus Christ you do know that girls play football, right?

I would suggest boys' logic would be something like girls who play football are much more fun to be around than all the princesses.

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