to think that girls only parties at 3 are not the norm?

[Redpipe]

I have a 3 year old boy and there is a party for one of the girls at his nursery. The nursery only has 8 kids in his area. They do all their activities together and get on well (as well as 3-4 year old do!). All 6 girls have been invited to one of the girls party but neither boys have been invited because apparently "the party is just for girls and will have a girly theme"

AIBU to think that party invites by gender are not the norm for this age and just help to start the whole boys are different thing. I can't put my finger on it but it just doesn't feel right to me.

[Redpipe]

Katiestarlett

How do you know it was the child who asked for no boys.

[KatieScarlett2833]

Crowler I was using football as an example. DD played for years so spare me the lecture.

[KatieScarlett2833]

Red, I didn't say it was in your case.

[Redpipe]

Dancer girl
Please point to the time if the post where I asked fir advice how to explain to my son he's not invited

[Redpipe]

So why would you Ask me that question

[KatieScarlett2833]

To get an answer.

[Crowler]

The UK kids football teams all include girls (Friday night leagues, Saturday mornings at the park) so why would the boys think that girls would ruin a football party?

[OutragedFromLeeds]

I think the thing is Katie if you don't engage in or indulge gender discrimination, then neither will your DC's.

The OP may well raise a boy who at age 7-10 knows you can't judge someone on gender and that there are girls who like and can play football. The child doesn't develop discriminatory preferences so it never becomes an issue IYSWIM?

[Redpipe]

Still waiting dancer girl

[KatieScarlett2833]

Crowler DH is a SYFA coach and board member of our local youth league. I know girls can and do play football.
My question, once again was what happens if your child requests a single sex invitation list for their birthday party. Do you concur despite your principles or do you insist on both genders being represented?
I'm not picking an argument, I'm just interested in the opinion of the OP as this was a situation that happened frequently with DS and I was wondering if I could have handled it better.

[OutragedFromLeeds]

I think you probably need to ask yourself why DS had such a negative view of the opposite sex? It must have come from somewhere.

[KatieScarlett2833]

Behave. Preference for same sex parties is not a unique phenomenon in the age group I outlined. So less of the spiteful bad parenting comments please.

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

"I think the thing is Katie if you don't engage in or indulge gender discrimination, then neither will your DC's."

:o

That is absolutely 100% true.

But only if you never let your children meet any other humans and don't give them access to any media or culture.

[Redpipe]

Still waiting dancer girl

[Crowler]

My kids never had a strong view on it. I always invited the whole class, including girls, until year three. Many parents started doing single sex parties, including mani/pedi parties for girls (ugh) but still in the minority.

Beginning with year three, I have (and will this year with my youngest) switched to doing an "event" party (i.e. legoland) and they invite 2/3 best friends (all boys, yes).

I can't insist on them being good friends with girls, that's controlling. But I can insist that they socialize with girls & I think there's a lot of parents who don't tolerate this gender division nonsense.

[OutragedFromLeeds]

No of course not, but parents engaging in and indulging it is not a unique phenomenon either is it? Look at this thread!

It must have come from somewhere. Where do you think your DS got it from?

[OutragedFromLeeds]

I've got them locked in isolation tanks join. Is that not right?!

[KatieScarlett2833]

I indulged DS because that was the guest list he wanted for that particular age range of birthdays.
Thanks Crowley, I'd have felt the same way re the controlling aspect.

[KatieScarlett2833]

Sorry CrowlER
Blardy iPhone autocorrect fail

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

:o

Of course it's right!

Just make sure to let them out for 1 hour per week for some exercise.

[KatieScarlett2833]

Not football though

[OutragedFromLeeds]

They're not allowed parties because of the no human contact thing, but if they were the guest list would be discrimination free . I think they'll thank me when they're older.

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

They will definitely thank you when they're older.

They'll have no friends, but at least they'll know that if they DID have friends, they would have an equal number of male and female friends. :o

[Thumbwitch]

JoinYourPlayfellows - it was interesting to read what you said about your 2 DDs not wanting anything to do with boys around the age of 3, turning 4 - when I moved to Australia and joined a playgroup here, DS1 was just coming up to 2 and would play with anyone - but there was a small group of girls, aged 3 and 4, who wouldn't let him play teaparties or cooking or any of their games "because he was a boy". He was so disappointed to be pushed away!

Luckily those few girls left at the end of that year, and the next lot were more than happy to all play together with no gender bias at all, thank goodness.

And to whomever asked if boys really do run around in pink dresses - well not all the time, but yes, DS1 has dressed up in pink sparkly fairy costumes at playgroup as well, why not?

In my own experience, we didn't have any gender segregation until we were 9 at school. A group of boys and girls had played together since we started school aged 4/5, pretty much, with no problems - our playground games varied around the themes of Bulldog and kiss-chase (between 7 and 9) - then suddenly when we hit the final year of junior school we suddenly separated out. It was such a strange thing, that we actually got together and talked about it, and made an effort to play together again! But it didn't work, sadly and we remained separated.

OP - IMO, it's a shame your DS and the other little boy weren't invited and I think the mother was a bit daft to assume that they wouldn't like it (if that's what she did), but perhaps she doesn't like little boys herself, or thought that they would be "too rough" and change the play dynamic. I like mixed parties at that age and, in reality, up to the point where they naturally start to separate out - I wouldn't expect that to be before they were at least 7.

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

I was quite perturbed by it first time around, Thumbwitch.

I didn't expect it that young at all.

I was about 5 before I developed a preference for playing with girls.

DD1 is 5 now and her best friend is a boy.

DD2 is has loads of friends who are boys and plays quite happily with them.

But she has done dreadful things like shout at a boy that he was not allowed into the park because it was only for girls

Luckily the boy was about 5 and just looked at her like this which was better than she deserved.