to think that girls only parties at 3 are not the norm?

[Redpipe]

I have a 3 year old boy and there is a party for one of the girls at his nursery. The nursery only has 8 kids in his area. They do all their activities together and get on well (as well as 3-4 year old do!). All 6 girls have been invited to one of the girls party but neither boys have been invited because apparently "the party is just for girls and will have a girly theme"

AIBU to think that party invites by gender are not the norm for this age and just help to start the whole boys are different thing. I can't put my finger on it but it just doesn't feel right to me.

[Kaekae]

I haven't and wouldn't do it. However, perhaps it's a way to cut numbers and cost. I think it is a lot less harsh than if he wasn't chosen to go at all. I find it worse when parents give out invites in the playground in front of the children who haven't been invited, you will no doubt have all that to come as it inevitably happens.

[wickeddevil]

Wow
Glad no one is upset.
It's a birthday party for a 3 year old after all.

[Growlithe]

Redpipe it wasn't Dancergirl that didn't invite your child was it? She's apologised, why don't you let it go now?

[Redpipe]

Dancergirl
This is AIBU, sometimes you will get unwanted advice or read things you don't like!

The irony in your last post really made me laugh. More patronising advice about getting unwanted advice.


I am aware AIBU gets unwanted advice but I don't think it's quite so common for a poster to put into quotes, caps and bold something that was never written and claim they need to read the thread.

I hope you can understand that might make the OP slightly annoyed.

[Dancergirl]

Oh I see. Well sorry OP for getting the wrong end of the stick. Would agree you do sound angry though.

This is AIBU, sometimes you will get unwanted advice or read things you don't like!

[Crumbledwalnuts]

"redpipe I'm not going to re-read the whole thread again but I do remember one of your posts saying something along the lines of 'what shall I say to my ds about him not being invited because he's a boy?'

no, she said "it becomes my business when my son asks me why he can't go", so it sounded like she didn't know what to say

apparently she did know what to say, and no one is upset, so there's no problem

[Crumbledwalnuts]

Redpipe I've been out for the day.
I don't know why you're so angry. You're not upset by the lack of invite. Your child is not upset. Your child is not, apparently in a state of misunderstanding about why he's been left out. So I don't really understand what the anger is all about.

[halfwayupthehill]

At 2.5 dd told me she didn't like boys and didn't want them at her party. I told her tough. We did whole class, church hall princess parties for her 3,4 and 5 parties. By 4 she wasn't bothered by boys. I stopped doing gender specific party bags for the 5 bday because i was so fedup with nonrsvpers turning up and thus messing up the blue/pinks bags. At the 5 bday a boy complained his party bag was pink. I told him it was a princess party ie. Tough.
From now on i might just invite girls to keep the numbers down as i wd like to do the parties in my small home but if she wants to invite boys she likes then fine.
A boy did not invited her to his 6 bday cos it was for boys with a football theme. I was surprised as the families are close friends and i have known his mother for more than 30 years and he had happily come to dd's girly party.
In my book, if you let your kids choose who they want to invite you shd make clear to them that f they like someone enough to go to their party, they like them enough to invite them to their own party (and if you accept party invites all year, then you need to reciprocate if at all possible and not have an expensive commercial ltd numbers party)

[Redpipe]

Dancer

For the record I have not got uppity in relation to my OP only to people like yourself who have been answering with posts that bear no relation to my OP.

[Redpipe]

Nonsense?

You are the person who randomly strung a sentence together and told me I wrote it. Now that was nonsense.

[Redpipe]

Dancergirl

I am not sure whether you meant to but the Ok ok sounds rather rude and flippant.
I'm sure if I used quotes and bolds and caps to tell you that you wrote something you didn't and told you you hadn't read your own post you'd like to know where I got the quote from?

[Dancergirl]

If you don't want to be patronised stop posting such nonsense and getting uppity when people don't agree with you.

[Dancergirl]

Ok, ok, sorry OP, I'm sure you are right

[Redpipe]

dancergirl
redripe you DID say 'how do I explain to my son that he's not invited because he's a boy?' I suggest you read your thread!



You used bold and caps to tell me I definitely wrote something I didn't and now you say you can't be bothered to find it and that I am getting defensive.

Use the control F key and search the whole thread. I have never asked for advice how to tell my DS. It is the fact you and other posters patronisingly gave me advice about something I never asked.

[Dancergirl]

Been out all afternoon.

redpipe I'm not going to re-read the whole thread again but I do remember one of your posts saying something along the lines of 'what shall I say to my ds about him not being invited because he's a boy?'

You do sound very defensive so I apologise if I've got this wrong.

It sounds like you think you're NBU anyway so little point in posting on here. Whether it's 'the norm' or not, I don't think there is a norm, each party is different, but personally I certainly wouldn't have been offended if one of my dc weren't invited to a single sex party whatever their age. Their party, their choice.

[Thumbwitch]

Friends, IME so far, they grow out of it pretty quickly. :)

[thegreylady]

For goodness sake what on earth is wrong about a child or parent deciding on a particular mix? In Op's case with only 8 dc I would have invited them all but if I had only had room/money for 6 I'd have asked the child but I would not have invited one boy and not the other as that really would be hurtful.There is no 'normal' for children's parties imho.

[friendslikethese]

Thumbwitch, I wouldn't say anything, but I would feel very uncomfortable if I had a son and he wanted to wear a dress. I realise it is society's viewpoint that makes me feel this way - all the same, I find it quite distasteful and can't help but feel a lot of boys who supposedly happily run around with painted nails wearing sparkly dresses are going to be the victims of awful bullying one day. Mind you - I've never come across one in real life!

[Thumbwitch]

Crowler, that is taking it a step too far, for sure! Not allowing one child to their sibling's party because they're the wrong sex? Weird (Until they get to tweenagers, I suppose, then more normal)

[Redpipe]

So dancer girl never came back to show me where I wrote that I wanted advice about how to tell my son he wasn't invited! Maybe because I didn't ask for any advice.

[KatieScarlett2833]

DS certainly enjoyed himself last night at DDs 18 th. Maybe a bit too much

[Crowler]

I have a friend who has become such a thorn in my side I need to step back.

Among other things, her daughter never attends her son's birthday parties and vice/versa because they do girl things/boy things. Bloody weird if you ask me.

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

I was quite perturbed by it first time around, Thumbwitch.

I didn't expect it that young at all.

I was about 5 before I developed a preference for playing with girls.

DD1 is 5 now and her best friend is a boy.

DD2 is has loads of friends who are boys and plays quite happily with them.

But she has done dreadful things like shout at a boy that he was not allowed into the park because it was only for girls

Luckily the boy was about 5 and just looked at her like this which was better than she deserved.

[Thumbwitch]

JoinYourPlayfellows - it was interesting to read what you said about your 2 DDs not wanting anything to do with boys around the age of 3, turning 4 - when I moved to Australia and joined a playgroup here, DS1 was just coming up to 2 and would play with anyone - but there was a small group of girls, aged 3 and 4, who wouldn't let him play teaparties or cooking or any of their games "because he was a boy". He was so disappointed to be pushed away!

Luckily those few girls left at the end of that year, and the next lot were more than happy to all play together with no gender bias at all, thank goodness.

And to whomever asked if boys really do run around in pink dresses - well not all the time, but yes, DS1 has dressed up in pink sparkly fairy costumes at playgroup as well, why not?

In my own experience, we didn't have any gender segregation until we were 9 at school. A group of boys and girls had played together since we started school aged 4/5, pretty much, with no problems - our playground games varied around the themes of Bulldog and kiss-chase (between 7 and 9) - then suddenly when we hit the final year of junior school we suddenly separated out. It was such a strange thing, that we actually got together and talked about it, and made an effort to play together again! But it didn't work, sadly and we remained separated.

OP - IMO, it's a shame your DS and the other little boy weren't invited and I think the mother was a bit daft to assume that they wouldn't like it (if that's what she did), but perhaps she doesn't like little boys herself, or thought that they would be "too rough" and change the play dynamic. I like mixed parties at that age and, in reality, up to the point where they naturally start to separate out - I wouldn't expect that to be before they were at least 7.

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

They will definitely thank you when they're older.

They'll have no friends, but at least they'll know that if they DID have friends, they would have an equal number of male and female friends. :o