to think that girls only parties at 3 are not the norm?

[Redpipe]

I have a 3 year old boy and there is a party for one of the girls at his nursery. The nursery only has 8 kids in his area. They do all their activities together and get on well (as well as 3-4 year old do!). All 6 girls have been invited to one of the girls party but neither boys have been invited because apparently "the party is just for girls and will have a girly theme"

AIBU to think that party invites by gender are not the norm for this age and just help to start the whole boys are different thing. I can't put my finger on it but it just doesn't feel right to me.

[SirChenjin]

Not normal here - I've got 3 children ranging from 16-6, and none of them have ever had gender-specific parties or been invited/excluded on the basis of their gender.

[Fairyegg]

My dd (3) would love a girls only party. despite my best efforts, all boys are smelly and she's totally into pink, princesses and fairies. From my point of view a girls only party would be much easier to organise but I would never allow it until about 6 as I would feel bad for the boys and I don't want to encourage the girl / boy divide.

[SirChenjin]

Well done for not allowing it Fairyegg

[FixItUpChappie]

I think it sends a poor (and what should be outdated) message about gender division. my son is 3 he would love a pink sparkly fairy party....why shouldn't he? we've done nothing to give him the impression that would be wrong. very sad this is where we still are on the subject IMO.

[Pozzled]

Well, DD1 is 5 and until her 5th birthday she had sort-of gendered parties- we only invited boys because her closest friends were all boys! No excluding of girls though, it just worked out that way.

The idea of having a theme which doesn't appeal to all 3 year-olds is nonsense. We had pink fairy hats and party bags this year and all the kids were happy with them. At three they wouldn't have thought about it at all.

So YANBU and I think it's sad that parents create non-existent differences between the genders.

[Hulababy]

Up until school age DD had mixed birthday parties as she went to nursery with girls and boys and played with them all.

Once at school DD's parties have tended to be all girls, but this is because she has been in a girl's school. She has invited a couple of boys from outside of school but they have either not been able to come (away, etc) or chosen not to come (reason given was because they'd be the only boy) in the past few years. So guess it works both ways too.

[diddl]

I would say it depends on if it was the child's choice tbh.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

I don't know what the big deal is. I had boy only and girl only parties. Sometimes I had mixed parties. I suppose if a girl wants a fairy party and she invites a boy then the boy can decide if he wants to go to a fairy party. Or vice versa. The only problem is when one child or two children are excluded from one of those huge horrific all class parties.

[SirChenjin]

2 children were excluded from a class party

[3birthdaybunnies]

I wouldn't choose at that age on grounds of gender. Our parties were mixed until dd1's 7th, but the last two have been girls only - however they have been small numbers and she had a free choice. I would let say a 4yr old choose say 10 from 20 children and wouldn't object if they were all boys or girls if I thought they were their best friends. It does seem unreasonable just selecting children on the basis of the party theme.

[GoldenGytha]

Redpipe

We only ever did small parties in the house, my kids were young long before it became the norm for whole class parties.

So only the DC closest friends were ever invited, so yes, it was fine for us to invite maybe only four or five kids and not the others.

The same applied to other parties as well, my DC didn't get invited to all and only went to their closest friends ones, my kids are 22, 20 and 19 now and that was just how we all did things then.

Some were mixed but many were girl only, and that was always fine with everyone.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

Yes but not a big one, and it's nursery so they don't have that class shame thing. Don't get the entitled to an invite thing at all.

[SirChenjin]

Doesn't matter if it was a big thing or not - 2 children were excluded on the basis that they didn't have a vagina to suit the party theme.

[Floggingmolly]

3 year old's don't give a rat's arse what the "theme" of a party is...

[squoosh]

Creating gender divisions at such a young age is so depressing. But single sex parties aside, excluding two 3 year olds out of a group of eight children is just mean.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

it matters if children are upset because it's the equivalent to being ostracised, with a 3 year old that doesn't happen unless the parent encourages it
maybe the party girl didn't want them because they didn't have a vagina
some 3-and-4-year old girls like fairy parties

[Crumbledwalnuts]

Parents I reckon.

[UniS]

invite 6 out of 8. Yes, its OK. there are no RULES about who you MUST invite to a birthday party. Its not a popularity contest, its not a big deal if your tot gets 3 invites a year or 8 or even none. Trust me, in a year or twos time you will get party invites that you/ son can't or don't want to go to.

My boy is friends with a number of girls, he has shared a birthday party with one of the girls in his class, he has also been the only boy at her party another year and and in the intervening year not been invited as it was a nail painting and hair dressing party.

[wonderingsoul]

my 3 year old gave a rats arse..

he wanted an angry birds theme.. so he got "posters" and cups and angry bird themed party games... he loved it.

though i dont think any theme is just for girls or boy

[Crumbledwalnuts]

Maybe I need a few credentials too. My boy has hosted parties with girls. At the age of this child my son was still wearing dresses to nursery sometimes, and for quite a long time afterwards too. He dressed up for one of his parties as a Disney princess. My daughter plays football and won't wear make-up or a skirt at the age of 15. One of each and I don't push them into anything. If either of them just wanted girlfriends or boyfriends at a party that's what they had. They only thing they weren't allowed to do was leave people out in a way that would make them feel bad.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

What I'm trying to say is, you do what the child wants. If she wanted a fairy party and no boys, why not?

[MrsCakesPremonition]

At 3yo my DD had a girls only tea party - but that was because all her friends were girls, there were no boys that she played with regularly.

At 4yo she had a Castles party - still mostly girls, but by then a few boys had arrived.

Between 5yo and 7yo she had parties with a fairly even mix of boys and girls. But at the 7th birthday party, some of the children started showing off and talking about sex and the girls persistently tried to snog the boys. I thought it was unacceptable and some of the quieter children were obviously disconcerted. I put a stop to it, the party was fine in the end but since then we've had very small, best friends only parties because I can't face dealing with that situation again.