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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that girls only parties at 3 are not the norm?

272 replies

Redpipe · 07/09/2013 18:47

I have a 3 year old boy and there is a party for one of the girls at his nursery. The nursery only has 8 kids in his area. They do all their activities together and get on well (as well as 3-4 year old do!). All 6 girls have been invited to one of the girls party but neither boys have been invited because apparently "the party is just for girls and will have a girly theme"

AIBU to think that party invites by gender are not the norm for this age and just help to start the whole boys are different thing. I can't put my finger on it but it just doesn't feel right to me.

OP posts:
acer12 · 07/09/2013 22:19

nice take it you have never been on a girls night out, hen do , girls holiday , girls night in as that would be against you ideals ...no??

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 22:20

Start a new thread NiceTabard and I'm sure I'll give you a yes. It's completely unrelated to this. :) Unless you want to include in the conversation gender separation (aka girls nights out) at the age of 18+?

NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 22:21

I'm not 3.

Although to be fair, I have always socialised with both males and females, and have lots of friends of both sexes.

SunshineMMum · 07/09/2013 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 22:23

I'm not three either. Don't understand your point. Have you really always socialised with males and females and never socialised with one sex only? How rare.

NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 22:23

It's not unrelated, it's the same thing. You are teaching your children that boys and girls are fundamentally different, and that they enjoy totally different activities and there can be no crossover.
I am really uncomfortable with that, most especially age age 3.

enderwoman · 07/09/2013 22:25

I bet that if the other mum was here, there could be a different side to the story like she felt that 6 girls out of 8 who be see as less offensive that 2 boys + 4 girls out of 8 children or she is more friendly with the girls' mums so the boys were not invited. Maybe she's witnessed a boy or girl upset at a " wrong gender" party - who knows?

NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 22:25

Yes I think I've always had male and female friends. It's not rare.

SunshineMMum · 07/09/2013 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrokenSunglasses · 07/09/2013 22:27

Telling a child that a party is for girls or boys only is not the same as telling them that they are not equal and that they can't enjoy each others company.

It is ok to allow children to see that some social situations are for one gender, and some are for both genders.

They aren't limited by that, they can still be exactly who they want to be. A boy that likes more feminine things is still a boy, and vice versa. Why try and pretend any different? You can teach a girl that it's ok for her to like trainsets and dinosaurs at the same time as allowing her to see that sometimes social gatherings are for one gender or the other.

NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 22:27

Maybe these parties appeal to people who experience life in a way that firmly matches their gender?

I can't imagine only having female friends, or the majority of my friends being female. I like all sorts of people.

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 22:29

I've always had male and female friends. It is rare to never socialise with one sex only. Which is what you said.

It is not the same thing. Teaching about equality is different to teaching that everyone is the same. You would not teach children that Christianity is the same as Islam, would you?

Children don't need to be taught that they can enjoy totally different activities. They do often enjoy different activities.

NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 22:30

So if a mother is very "feminine" it seems only right and natural that a girls party will be for girls and feature dressing up in glitter

While a father who is very "masculine" will think it only right and natural that a boys party will be for boys only and involve traditionally "masculine" themes and activities.

That would go some way to explaining the difference of opinion.

BrokenSunglasses · 07/09/2013 22:31

I like all sorts of people too. I like males very much, I'm married to one, gave birth to a couple, and I have lots as friends. I also enjoy girls nights out and prefer using a female only changing room.

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 22:31

Nicetabard: when we talk about girls' nights out you have deflected it by saying "I have male and female friends".
Well, don't we all. But I for one have girls' nights out. Have you never had anything of the sort and - more to the point - do you disapprove of them as "negative"?

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 22:31

Nice tabard with your last post you are rather reinforcing stereotypes. Did you mean to do that.

NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 22:33

I don't know where to go with this really.

I think that 3 year olds enjoy the same sorts of things, male or female.
I don't like it when they are segregated and pushed into stereotypical pursuits.

I can see that people get defensive about this, but really I'm not going to change my mind. Little girls and little boys like a variety of activities, and like to play together. I don't like seeing toddlers segregated along sex lines, no matter what the justification ("oh it's just a party").

SunshineMMum · 07/09/2013 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrokenSunglasses · 07/09/2013 22:33

I don't even understand you last post Nicetabard.

Where did that come from? It sounds like you are just making stuff up.

NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 22:35

Masculine and feminine are stereotypes, that's the whole point.

I was trying to understand why some people have no issue with segregating children on sex lines and engaging them in different activities along "traditional" lines.

That is the only reason I can come up with. If you are a person who conforms to gender role, then maybe it's hard to see why it's such a weird thing to do.

NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 22:36

sunshinemum upthread you said you would be happy to split children along sex lines at nursery and get them doing different activities (home corner for girls / running around for boys) so I am going to struggle I think to engage with your views.

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 22:38

I think that 3 year olds enjoy the same sorts of things, male or female

Well no they don't always.

I don't like it when they are segregated and pushed into stereotypical pursuits.

Neither do I, but this isn't happening here.

I can see that people get defensive about this

Not defensive, just pointing out the chasms flaws in your argument

deakymom · 07/09/2013 22:38

most of my sons class got invited to a party and he didn't i hope he hasn't realised yet he will get upset by it (again) i hate kids party's especially at this age its more to do with the parents friends than the kids depressing or what

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 22:39

Now that is sad and worth being upset and cross about. Sorry deakymom.

NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 22:41

In that case crumble surely better to invite children who have the same interests as your child, rather than assuming that girls like fairies and boys don't and excluding 2 children of a group of 8 on that basis.

It's lazy, and it's stereotyping, and you may have noticed that I do not like it.

No-one would dream of excluding children of a certain colour or religion based on assumptions about what they may or may not like doing.