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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be getting really fed up with this? Thoughts, please.

336 replies

friendslikethese · 07/09/2013 16:41

We live in a terraced house. When I sit in the garden, I can see next door's garden clearly.

My next door neighbour is also a friend and has two little girls. The youngest is 5 years old.

We have a dog (chocolate Labrador) who is completely harmless. He does the occasional "woof!" in joy when the door first opens and he has freedom Grin that is it - one bark, he isn't a "noisy" dog in the slightest.

However the youngest of the girls hates him - OK, can live with that. But I can't live with:

  • Screaming hysterically when he is in our garden and she is in hers; crying, yelling, howling.
  • Screaming hysterically if he's going for his evening walk and they are going in/out of the house at the same time.
  • Screaming hysterically when she was around here one evening with her parents and sister. Dog was banished to the kitchen but on one occasion someone left the door ajar when they used the downstairs loo and he stuck his head round. Scream, scream, scream.

I broached it with my neighbour, nicely, and tried to explain that it is pretty unpleasant (I didn't use those words) - she just got defensive and said her DD wouldn't change, she has "always been scared of dogs" and for her, children come before animals.

Am I really being SO unreasonable though? Surely he's got a right to go for his walk in the evenings (he is on a lead by the way) or have a roll in the garden without being screamed at?

OP posts:
EvieanneVolvic · 07/09/2013 16:44

Hmm...sounds far worse for her family than for you: not suggesting you can or should do anything about that, but they are the ones I feel sorry for.

Fourbears · 07/09/2013 16:44

I'm sure it is annoying but she must be really scared to react like that. Has she been bitten by a dog before or been knocked over?

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 16:45

Yes you are not being unreasonable, and I must admit if I were your neighbour I would be trying to "use" you to get my child accustomed to dogs. She may grow out of it but if you have a kind friendly dog then it could be very helpful to her if she can be desensitized somewhat.

Sirzy · 07/09/2013 16:45

It's not your problem to solve its the parents. You are doing nothing wrong so I wouldn't change your behaviour/routines

Chippednailvarnish · 07/09/2013 16:45

Put up a big fence. Problem solved.

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 16:45

I feel sorry for the mum too, but she's got a great opportunity to get help here.

TeaLadyExtraordinaire · 07/09/2013 16:45

I'd ignore the screaming (or scream back). Mind you, if there was an adult-proportion-sized chocolate lab I expect it would seem pretty big to us as well!

Put your earplugs in and enjoy your garden - I'm sure your neighbour will get fed up with it quicker than you.

kaosak · 07/09/2013 16:46

Child sounds ridiculous unless she really is scared, sounds more like attention seeking though and hopefully she will get bored as she gets older. Doesn't help you on a day to day basis though unfortunately.

Viking1 · 07/09/2013 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
friendslikethese · 07/09/2013 16:47

No, she hasn't been bitten but neighbour's DH is terrified of dogs as well (doesn't scream though!) I do get a bit sick of his disparaging remarks about the dog being dirty, smelly, noisy though. They are also apparently child-killing machines!

Unfortunately putting up a big fence isn't do-able! There is a hedge there but you can easily see over it.

OP posts:
HopeClearwater · 07/09/2013 16:47

Let's hope she doesn't have to meet any more dogs in her lifetime.

SoThisIsHowYouNameChange · 07/09/2013 16:48

YANBU.
I don't like dogs, but yours sounds fine. You sound like a responsible owner. You and your dog should be able to enjoy your garden without the neighbours screaming.

Have you suggested trying to acclimate the girl to the dog? If her mother is adamant that the girl won't change, then I suggest you try to ignore the hysterics.

KoalaFace · 07/09/2013 16:50

Little girl either has a horrible phobia or is just quite annoying. Either way there's nothing you can do about it except carry on looking after your dog and try and ignore the hysterical screaming. Hopefully she'll grow out of it.

Ledkr · 07/09/2013 16:51

How old is she? What do you suggest they do to stop it?

Original poster
friendslikethese · 07/09/2013 16:51

I have tried just to ignore it but it's so difficult, especially when he's going out for his walk. It's worse now, as his evening walk seems to more or less coincide with her coming home from school! I suppose in theory I could just wait for her to get in from school then take him, but he is used to being walked AS SOON as I arrive home and get changed Grin and that really suits all of us.

OP posts:
SoThisIsHowYouNameChange · 07/09/2013 16:51

And her comments about putting children before dogs was stupid. Hmm Again, I don't like dogs and abhor thoughtless owners, but what you are asking is not unreasonable in any way.

rottentomatoes · 07/09/2013 16:52

So your annoyed with a five year old child who is obviously scared...

SoThisIsHowYouNameChange · 07/09/2013 16:53

Keep the dog close on his lead and go for your walk as usual. Let her parents deal with the hysterics.

Original poster
friendslikethese · 07/09/2013 16:53

Ledkr, she's 5.

I don't know what to suggest as to how to stop it but clearly, it can't carry on. Yesterday for example, I had a happy 10 month old DD in her pram, happy dog ready for his walk and happy me, ready for weekend. Seconds later I have a wailing baby, cowering dog and I am in a foul mood because of the screaming!

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 16:54

I'd be incredibly annoyed too OP

Original poster
friendslikethese · 07/09/2013 16:55

Rotten - yes, to be honest, I'm annoyed, I'm annoyed that my pet can't enjoy his garden (at the back) or go for a walk at the front because he'll be screamed at. I'm annoyed at that because frankly it is annoying, OK?

SoThis - he's on his lead. He won't go anywhere near her anyway; bit of a cliché but he really is more scared of her than she is of him.

OP posts:
PeachesForMe · 07/09/2013 16:57

Why isn't it do-able to put up a fence?
Suggest to them that clearly your dog has done nothing wrong, and clearly their daughter is scared, therefore you are at an impasse yet have to live together as neighbours. Grubbing up the hedge will cost £xxx and a new fence (high enough to block her view of your dog) will cost £xxx, how about you split the cost?
Maybe then they will come up with some solution which involves actually teaching their dd about risk assessment.
(Disclaimer: I'm not that fond of dogs, but parents allowing/encouraging their kids to scream and spoil everyone's peace really gets my goat.)

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 07/09/2013 16:57

YANBU to be frustrated. You shouldn't have to dodge hysterical screaming to go about your normal life on your own property, with your dog properly under control.

I feel more sorry for the child though, who is presumably being influenced by her father's fears and will have a pretty stressful life if she over-reacts to every dog she sees like that. The parents do need to sort the issue before it gets worse.

Viking1 · 07/09/2013 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoThisIsHowYouNameChange · 07/09/2013 16:58

So her screaming is upsetting the dog and the baby? That's fucking awful. Especially since her parents are reinforcing the problem with their comments.

If your dog is under control, not barking, not leaving shit around, and not doing anything else that bothers people, then they're the assholes.

And I repeat: I am not a dog lover at all!