to be getting really fed up with this? Thoughts, please.

[friendslikethese]

We live in a terraced house. When I sit in the garden, I can see next door's garden clearly.

My next door neighbour is also a friend and has two little girls. The youngest is 5 years old.

We have a dog (chocolate Labrador) who is completely harmless. He does the occasional "woof!" in joy when the door first opens and he has freedom that is it - one bark, he isn't a "noisy" dog in the slightest.

However the youngest of the girls hates him - OK, can live with that. But I can't live with:

• Screaming hysterically when he is in our garden and she is in hers; crying, yelling, howling.

• Screaming hysterically if he's going for his evening walk and they are going in/out of the house at the same time.

• Screaming hysterically when she was around here one evening with her parents and sister. Dog was banished to the kitchen but on one occasion someone left the door ajar when they used the downstairs loo and he stuck his head round. Scream, scream, scream.

I broached it with my neighbour, nicely, and tried to explain that it is pretty unpleasant (I didn't use those words) - she just got defensive and said her DD wouldn't change, she has "always been scared of dogs" and for her, children come before animals.

Am I really being SO unreasonable though? Surely he's got a right to go for his walk in the evenings (he is on a lead by the way) or have a roll in the garden without being screamed at?

No, I'm not actually 2ticks - I don't know, I suppose I wondered if anyone had encountered this and had any magical solutions although I will admit to not having a clue what! I was cross yesterday, today less so.

Sorry greeting-I read your post that you were allowing your dog to go towards the woman.

OP apart from being annoying that the girl doesn't like your dog, how does it actually affect you? Yes she screams, but equally she could be screaming about something else and you'd just have to suck it up. Just get on with your day and leave her parents to deal with her.

I just hope the parents can actually be bothered to try to help their daughter. No-one's completely refuted the fact the child seems terrified - but it doesn't quite add up to me given she doesn't have the same reaction to other dogs, and I can't help but think that if the father is forever going on about - specifically - the nasty dog next door, then he is reinforcing her fear. Whatever his fears (or is this some sort of vendetta ?), what sort of parent would want to make their child's fears worse by saying stupid things like that ? It's damned irresponsible at best, and at worst, you could argue that it's cruel, because the dad's remarks perpetuate the situation.

Earlier in the thread, the OP said "I do get a bit sick of his disparaging remarks about the dog being dirty, smelly, noisy though. They are also apparently child-killing machines!" Just think for a moment that if the dad has repeated all this sort of stuff in front of this kids, then obviously she's going to be terrified. "Child killing machines" indeed. If he has said that in front of her that is absolutely disgusting and no matter how serious his own phobia (if it really exists, and this isn't some campaign against the neighbours with the dog being a convenient scapegoat) nothing could justify the sheer irresponsible stupidity of introducing such an idea into his child's head. Especially not when this dog has shown not a single moment of aggression to any of his family.

I'm not suggesting this can be undone overnight, nor that this child might ever become a dog lover. If she doesn't like them and prefers to keep her distance that's fine - but the screaming has to stop as it's unfair on the OP and her family, and, might potentially place her at risk from any dog who themselves reacts with fear should they be confronted with such a noise (that is, if she ever does this with any other dog ?) Either she's screaming for some sort of attention - because she's learned, quite possibly, that she gets lots of praise and sympathy from her dad when she objects in this way to the "nasty dog" - and in that case, she should be told in no uncertain terms that this is rude behaviour etc ...... or, if she is screaming in genuine fear, then the parents need to take steps to counter that. The very first step - before you consider therapy, books about the subject and so on, would be to stop making the situation bloody worse with your own unnecessary and ignorant remarks. You need to be reinforcing the notion that the dog poses no danger provided respectful and sensible behaviour is maintained around it - though it really does sound as if the child is never close enough to it for there to be any real worry.

The dad really should be ashamed of himself - I'm sure one way or another he's at the root of this. I just hope that what you said struck enough of a chord within him so that he looks to his own attitude and behaviour, and that this doesn't escalate in any way.

OP, YANBU to feel aggrieved that you cannot exist with your dog in your own space.

I was scared silly by dogs as a kid, after being attacked by one at the age of 4. I still wouldn't own a dog, but I don't mind them - and nowadays I actually like nice friendly breeds like Labs. Although I think Border Collies edge it for me .

It sounds like your neighbours are coming across to you as not willing to do their bit to manage the situation. That would really irritate me too.

If their DD is like this with lots of dogs there is the additional worry that she will do it at a dog that's not nice and friendly and it will freak out at her. Sounds like she may be with this more with your dog than with many others though. If so I appreciate that this must be even more irritating!

No solutions, just to say that I'm no dog lover but that I can see why you are cross, and that I would be cross in your situation too. Some people just have a tin ear when it comes to acting in a neighbourly fashion, and that may be the problem with you.

I agree with crumbled and many others that letting the DD chase you out of your own garden is not going to help, particularly if this is aimed more specifically at your dog than dogs in general. It will just reinforce her behaviour by putting her in control. "Flooding" the garden exposure, with the aid of some doggie earmuffs (they were fantastic ) and treats to keep your dog happy in the garden is probably worth a shot, I would be considering it anyway. Worth trying before moving house at any rate! Good luck...

Agree from the catsmother post that if she is genuinely terrified rather than it being a silly control thing (I have no idea which is the case) then that's a different state of affairs. Really this is more something the dad (in particular) and mum need to be getting a grip on and maybe that's all I can really say... apart from YANBU to be cross!

The screaming is frightening her baby, Vallium?

Ah sorry,I missed that.

She is probably worse with the OP's dog rather than others in town, as this is the one that lives next door to her. Although it is irrational, in her mind this one may jump over the fence into her garden, may come up to her when she is outside the front of her house. Even though there may be no possible way for the dog to jump the fence, or if it is always on a lead when out the front, it is an irrational fear. So it could be that fears in relation to other dogs in town are manageable to her. Now, if she is seen out and about in a park showing no reaction to other dogs bounding up to her, then that would be a different matter

You are not being smug OP, I think you have been very reasonable. I'm sure that your neighbours would have been the first to complain if you had a dog that barked a lot and kept jumping up against the fence.

Fanjo - I agree with you. There are a few others too who have been disappointed at the attitudes on this thread towards a phobic 5 year old.

Don't know what the answer is op. If you do move, you may well encounter worse neighbours. In our last house, we remained friendly with neighbours who seemed to smoke in their back garden 24/7 and it wafted into our house. It drove us crazy.

You really can't control who lives next door.

I have committed the cardinal sin of not reading all of the thread but I have read all of your posts friendslikethese.

How about popping in to neighbours today and suggest that you try to find a solution together by trying to gradually help the DD get over her fear. Maybe chat to the DD and ask her what she is afraid of. Ask her if she could try not to scream as it scares the baby and the dog. And maybe do the reward thing if she manages not to scream when she sees the dog. Maybe buy her a little toy dog (or would that be rubbing salt into the wounds?). Or you could pop a card through the letterbox praising her if she manages to stay calm telling her how well she is doing. My DS was terrified of dogs for a while after a close encounter with a stray when he was little. We gradually got him over it by visiting friends with dogs. We now have two of our own.

I can completely see why you have had enough, OP, and I'm sorry for your family and dog who have put up with this for so long. I'm also sorry for the girl because her parents don't seem to be doing anything to help her overcome her fear, and her reaction puts her at risk from other, less patient dogs, or less careful owners.

I was just wondering, would it work to write the little girl a letter from the dog? Along the lines of, Dear ...., I'm a bit worried that you're scared of me. I'm very kind and friendly and I promise I won't hurt you. But it really hurts my ears and makes my baby human cry when you scream at me. I would really like it if we could be friends. How about you try really hard not to scream next time you see me, and I'll ask my human to give you a sticker/ comic ? Love Dog.

I suppose it might be a bit late for niceness, and completely get that you're out of patience, but just wondered if it might work?

Lizzie, that's a lovely idea but OP has already tried the friendly letter/presents from the dog thing. It hasn't worked.

OK, so....the little madam girl only hates your dog, so its only your dog you need to make her like, right? What if you put a big pink ribbon on the dogs neck, or tinsel....or a hat...or all of the above! Would turning your poor dog into a bit of a doll/plaything for a few weeks make her see him as a source of fun instead of drama?

I think what you said was fair enough, OP. I also feel for you, your dog and the girl. It's up to the parents to get her help to get over this, not to enable it so she (and they) can continue pissing you all off.

Those saying the OP is not sympathetic to or is blaming the little girl are way off the mark, IME.

The father is at the root of the issue .
He is using his daughter to validate his own opinion- he wants her to be scared because then he is right Selfish git.

Personally I think if I could not go out in my garden with my baby and my dog without being screamed at by the neighbours child (from the vantage point of a trampoline or play equipment is an issue ...if would drive me potty!) and personally if all attempts to help sort the situation out have failed would be at my wits end... I know that doesn't help but I sympathise totally

I would be seething in your shoes op. It sounds like you've been incredibly tolerant (this has already been going on a year??)

It is unfortunate for the little girl that she lives next door to a dog she is so scared of. But she could have it far worse in living next door to someone who actually had an aggressive dog, or a noisy dog, or several dogs, or a less tolerant owner who insisted on walking the dog off the lead etc.

I would be so annoyed that her parents weren't at least trying to stop the screaming. As others have pointed out, making a lot of noise or moving about a lot is one of the worst things you can do if you're scared of dogs. Her parents, at the very least, should be instilling this in her.

I ŵould be tempted to look into injunctions or anti social behaviour orders. I doubt you'd actually have any recourse through them, but that's how annoyed I would be with it. Have any othe neighbours complained about the noise, maybe asking another neighbour (who doesn't have a dog) to have a polite word about all the noise would help?

Your poor family and dog.

I left this thread last night as I was so frustrated by it. I cannot believe that someone is suggesting an injunction against a 5 year old who is scared of dogs.

PLEASE tell me you are not serious Hercy?

I was thinking about this and the mum saying she will always but her child first. Could you find a way of pointing out she is not putting her child first, she is putting the Dad's phobia first. If she really wanted to put her child first, she would be helping her to deal with dogs.

So many people have mentioned their child's phobia and how they have worked with the child, which is the way to go.

I suspect Hercy is focusing on the noise of the screaming and the upset caused by it, not really suggesting an injunction against the girl in any meaningful way.

If nothing else it might force the parents to take it seriously and see it as the huge disruption it is.

I'm sure someone's said this already, but hey-ho...

Do the parents not realise that, if the child continues to scream at dogs, one day, one is going to be so upset it will go for her?

And then she will have a reason to be scared.

They are being very very irresponsible.

An injunction against the parents maybe, not to leave a screaming child in the garden for hours on end; without any attempt to comfort / stop her?
Not that you'd actually be granted one, of course, but it's reasonable in these circumstances to wish it was an option.

I remember being around 10 and going to a friends house often. Her dog absolutely scared the living crap out of me. The dog would literally jump up me each time I went in and when stood, the dog was bigger than me. I remember getting to the point of refusing to go in to the house at all. Eventually my friend would close the kitchen door and I'd bolt upstairs & if there was ever a time the door had been left open, I would feel myself well up due to fear.

As annoying as it sounds for you, please realise she is 5 years old and her actions will more than likely be genuine. Saying that, there's absolutely nothing you can do. Her parents need to try and help her with her fear. However, a little compassion wouldn't go a miss?