to be getting really fed up with this? Thoughts, please.

[friendslikethese]

We live in a terraced house. When I sit in the garden, I can see next door's garden clearly.

My next door neighbour is also a friend and has two little girls. The youngest is 5 years old.

We have a dog (chocolate Labrador) who is completely harmless. He does the occasional "woof!" in joy when the door first opens and he has freedom that is it - one bark, he isn't a "noisy" dog in the slightest.

However the youngest of the girls hates him - OK, can live with that. But I can't live with:

• Screaming hysterically when he is in our garden and she is in hers; crying, yelling, howling.

• Screaming hysterically if he's going for his evening walk and they are going in/out of the house at the same time.

• Screaming hysterically when she was around here one evening with her parents and sister. Dog was banished to the kitchen but on one occasion someone left the door ajar when they used the downstairs loo and he stuck his head round. Scream, scream, scream.

I broached it with my neighbour, nicely, and tried to explain that it is pretty unpleasant (I didn't use those words) - she just got defensive and said her DD wouldn't change, she has "always been scared of dogs" and for her, children come before animals.

Am I really being SO unreasonable though? Surely he's got a right to go for his walk in the evenings (he is on a lead by the way) or have a roll in the garden without being screamed at?

Her parents need to show compassion by removing her from the source of her fear; not expecting the op to remove the source of her fear from his own garden

As the mother of an extremely anxious child, I have sympathy for the 5 yo.
However, the parents of this little girl are massively letting her down by not helping her overcome this fear.
There are means and ways of dealing with phobias, they need to find a way, fast.
If your dog is the only dog she screams at, then it sounds like this is not a genuine phobia, but an irrational fear that is enabled by her parents.

Ignore the child, carry on walking your dog, let it in the garden etc. It's not like you're letting your dog jump up at her and lick her.
Do as a previous poster suggested - plenty of bones and outside time - the bones will distract her. Ignore the child.

this child is very lucky that you live next door with a docile slobbery labrador, and not someone with a pair of eg Ridgebacks (which I have a healthy "respect" for...) or a badly behaved jumpy spaniel even. Your dog (& you) is taking the brunt of this behaviour precisely because he's well behaved. If he had ever snapped at her, you know damn well that the response wouldn't be screaming, it would be running and hiding.
(PS can't they move the trampoline and slide away from your fence so she doesn't purposely look into your garden to see if she can see the scary beastie?)

MrsPeeWee, that situation is different. This dog has never jumped up at the child or even approached her, as far as I can make out from the thread.

As for compassion, I think the OP has demonstrated that she has tried compassion and understanding, and also that her anger and frustration is not directed at the girl but at the parents for not taking responsibility for her.

I was at school with a girl like this. Really annoying! I was more of a cat person until I met my DH and his lovely licky non barking collie dog. I can understand your attachment to him OP. My dog also cowers and hides at loud noises but being an old dog he is very patient around children even scary ones that come running over to stroke him without asking. I always explain that they should never ever do that and insist on them asking permission and properly introducing them before they are allowed to stroke him.

Children should be introduced to domestic animals at an early age. It doesn't mean they have to like them they just need to know how to behave around them. I can think of a lot of things I don't like which make me want to scream (wasps for instance) however I don't - I just quietly move away.

I have a border collie, soft as anything particularly among girls for some reason and just adores them. My friend who lives 2 doors down from me is/was terrified of dogs and so were her girls. They did scream a little bit but not much when they came in my house as frightened and I could visibly see my friend shaking and so I said I would my dog in the garden and close the glass kitchen door.

My friend said 'no the girls need to not be scared of dogs' me 'well I'll put him behind the door so they can look at him through it, calm down and then i'll let him in' We did this every time they came round and now my dog comes down to their house with me and wanders in (having gained permission first) eats there cat food and follows their girls round.

These girls that were so frightened they screamed a bit now call my dog when they him outside my house with me. They try and teach him tricks. My friend, who visibly shock,now doesn't batter an eyelid she is still not a huge fan of dogs but is no longer terrified.

YANBU to be fed up of the screaming and the parents lack of wanting to change their child's behaviour not least because some dogs would attack someone for that level of screaming. I understand phobias and have had treatment for public speaking (used to make me vomit and run!) and I have also had PTSD following the birth of my son and I couldn't go into work as terrified of watching patients being intubated. I didn't just think I am never going to change and thats just me I did something about it because life goes on around us and life is better without fears.

If my DS behaves like this over spiders and therefore whenever I see one I show it to him. If he comes across one I tell him to keep still, stop screaming and just watch as it's not going to hurt him. I don't want my child afraid and screaming and its a parents job to do anything to help that.

I'd be upset about anyone screaming at my dog and calling him names as he is part of my family.

forgive the typos xx

My godmother was absolutely terrified of dogs and had a pink fit when my mother phoned her up and invited her round to meet our new alsation puppy.

I'll never forget the day she came round to say Goodbye to him when we had to have him PTS 11 years later. I don't know who was more upset, her or us.

Fear can be overcome.

Friends - did your chat mane any difference yet? nosey

It sounds like the little girl is being encouraged by her dad, who appears to be an idiot.

What I find odd is that she screams every time the dog is in the garden. Usually, children who are afraid of an animal will cower or run away or cling to their mum. They don't usually scream. I'm normally the first to see a child's point of view (having been a fearful child myself) but it does sound like she's found an excellent way of getting lots of attention and fuss from her parents. Why would she stop?

It sounds like the little girl is being encouraged by her dad, who appears to be an idiot.

What I find odd is that she screams every time the dog is in the garden. Usually, children who are afraid of an animal will cower or run away or cling to their mum. They don't usually scream. I'm normally the first to see a child's point of view (having been a fearful child myself) but it does sound like she's found an excellent way of getting lots of attention and fuss from her parents. Why would she stop?