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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no to another baby because dh doesn't want me to breastfeed?

205 replies

Hollibaloo · 20/08/2013 23:54

I have a 7 and 2 year old. I am very much pro-breastfeeding and for fed my eldest til she self weaned at 3 and am still feeding my 2 year old. Dh and I would like dc3 but tonight he said that he wants this hypothetical baby to be formula fed. He said he knows bf is healthier etc but he thinks ff is quicker, easier and will give us more time together. His children with ex wife were ff and they had lots of nights out which we don't. I said I'd compromise and use a dummy but that bf is important to me and Seriseeing as I work from home and do all night feeds it should really be up to me. He said I picked to bf dc1+2 so it's time he had a choice. Aibu to stand my ground and say I will only have another dc if I can breastfeed?

OP posts:
pongping · 20/08/2013 23:55

YANBU. I would not compromise on this.

AnyFucker · 20/08/2013 23:58

I say you should stop playing games with each other and tell him to fuck off with his "it's about time I got a choice"

yeah, Pal, when men carry a baby, deliver it and feed it from their breasts, they get a choice

what an idiotic man

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 20/08/2013 23:59

Yanbu. It really, really shouldn't be his choice. Normally I'm v much in favour of compromise, but bf is an absolute must (where it can possibly be done) imho.

squoosh · 20/08/2013 23:59

'He said I picked to bf dc1+2 so it's time he had a choice.'

Who the hell does he think he is laying down the law over how you use your own body. Bodily autonomy is one of the most important rights we have.

I'd be fizzing if someone gave me these orders and conditions.

ovenchips · 20/08/2013 23:59

His argument makes no sense.

binhome · 21/08/2013 00:00

Yanbu. So he thinks nights out are more important than the many benefits of breastfeeding to you and the future baby.
What a twat!

AnnieLobeseder · 21/08/2013 00:00

If you are willing and (so far) capable of breastfeeding, then your DH is being a selfish arse for wanting you to ff so he can have nights out. He really places his fun and entertainment above the health of his own child.

I wouldn't have another baby with a man with such skewed priorities.

OOAOML · 21/08/2013 00:00

Is he going to do all the feeds (including all the sterilising)? Why is it his choice more than yours then? Do you expect to go on lots of nights out when you have all the work and expense of 3 children? If he thinks breastfeeding is healthier how will he explain to DC3 that his social life was more important?

LeaveTheBastid · 21/08/2013 00:01

He'd honestly not give his child the best tailor made food it can get just so you can spend some more time together? Selfish man.

YANBU, at all.

Hamwidgeandcheps · 21/08/2013 00:01

If he was asking to name the baby this time maybe that would be a 'choice'
In the only practical sense I can almost see where he's coming from but I would suggest he has a limited understanding of why bf is optimum and ff isn't.

Finola1step · 21/08/2013 00:01

Not his choice.

RiotsNotDiets · 21/08/2013 00:01

YANBU.

AnyFucker · 21/08/2013 00:01

how many largin' it nights out does he think you are going to get with 3 kids ?

cloud fucking cuckoo land

5madthings · 21/08/2013 00:04

Yanbu he is being a fool. Its not his choice to make at all.

HopLittleFroggyHopHopHop · 21/08/2013 00:04

YANBU, he's really not thinking of whats best for the baby or you. Remind him about all the washing, sterilising and paying for formula that he would have to do too.

Could you maybe "reassure" him about BF by reminding him some children self wean earlier than others so the hypothetical baby might not feed as long as your first 2?
And also maybe pointing out that you would be leaving a FF baby the same amount as a BF baby and so that it would make no difference regards nights out.
Also remind him not all babies can breastfeed so it might be a no go and result in expressing/FF anyway so theres not much point overthinking it beforehand anyway.

It seems like hes not quite got his priorities right regarding a third DC. If you both want a baby then I'd have one, but if he only wants one if it slots right in and doesn't add any extra stress or workload then I'd wait a little while and see if things change.

Cravingdairy · 21/08/2013 00:05

I think a man with five (plus?) children can't expect many nights out. Also YADNBU.

JADS · 21/08/2013 00:05

I don't think you should be thinking about having a baby with this bloke tbh. He sounds like a prat.Is he going to do all th night feeds if the baby is FF as it's so quick and easy? To think a few nights out are better than optimising a child's health is mad.

BrokenSunglasses · 21/08/2013 00:05

YANBU. I think Dads in general should make more active decisions for their children when they are small, but the method of feeding a baby isn't one of them.

I can understand why be doesn't want your body to be taken over for another three or four years on top of the years you've already done, but if he wants another child, then it's a sacrifice he will just have to make.

RhondaJean · 21/08/2013 00:05

Actually I think it's fair enough for him to want input into how his child is fed and to consider overall how it effects your life as a family.

Bf sure us better but yknow if you follow the instructions ff isn't actually evil.

Or perhaps he actually doesn't want another child and knew how you would react?

VileWoman · 21/08/2013 00:05

Probably not the most constructive thing to say but if FFing worked out so well for him and his ex why aren't they still together? Your body, your choice.

Although I do think even the most pro-BFing man begins to wonder if they are ever going to get 'their' breasts back. DH did make noises about how long was I planning to BF this time then DS turned out be have a cows milk allergy so he's accepted it's going to be a while!

HoopersGinger · 21/08/2013 00:07

This is probably subjective but my ex said this. Same thing, his ex wife had bottle fed. I breast fed but he did horrible things like at 4 weeks old said she should go 4 hrs and wouldn't pass her over. Not suggesting your man would do this but what is he on?

Maybe he is seeing it from purely practical terms but if so he is extremely misguided. Get one if those practice doll things and let it scream at him every 2 hours throughout the night while he fumbles with flasks. YANBU.

DizzyPurple · 21/08/2013 00:07

He is joking right? If you can and want to breastfeed then you should! There are so many health benefits to both you and your child it's the sensible thing to do. Offer to buy a breast pump and express occasionally so you can go out. He is being extremely selfish. That idea would not be entertained in my house!

Hamwidgeandcheps · 21/08/2013 00:07

No one said ff was evil. I can see how this thread will go....

squoosh · 21/08/2013 00:07

'Actually I think it's fair enough for him to want input into how his child is fed and to consider overall how it effects your life as a family.'

His concern isn't about the child's welfare or family life, it's concern that his social life will be curtailed.

flowersinavase · 21/08/2013 00:07

YANBU. He's a fool and utterly selfish.