to say no to another baby because dh doesn't want me to breastfeed?

[Hollibaloo]

I have a 7 and 2 year old. I am very much pro-breastfeeding and for fed my eldest til she self weaned at 3 and am still feeding my 2 year old. Dh and I would like dc3 but tonight he said that he wants this hypothetical baby to be formula fed. He said he knows bf is healthier etc but he thinks ff is quicker, easier and will give us more time together. His children with ex wife were ff and they had lots of nights out which we don't. I said I'd compromise and use a dummy but that bf is important to me and Seriseeing as I work from home and do all night feeds it should really be up to me. He said I picked to bf dc1+2 so it's time he had a choice. Aibu to stand my ground and say I will only have another dc if I can breastfeed?

[Lazyjaney]

The issue here really isn't the relative benefits of FF/BF

Having to sign up for continuous Bf for 8 years is pretty extreme, and is clearly not the way the vast majority of parents bring up their kids in the UK so IMO the other parent in this case has every right to argue it is unnecessary for their 3rd child, especially if it is negatively impacting other parts of the relationship.

If it is a smokescreen for sex drive differences then it needs to be blown away as it were...

I do think this is a "wind up MN and let them kick off" thread though...

[squoosh]

I tend not to listen to evangelicals.

[PrincessYoni]

Good job you're reading and not listening then isn't it squoosh ?!

[squoosh]

Goodness, what a very literal person you are. That must make life tough for you.

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

I think what annoys me about this debate is that is not actual necessary to understand why people FF.
They just do, thats it. Clearly they have decided to do this, I did with ds1

I dont ask people to understand why because I do not need to explain why.

Different people choose different things, you dont have to explain, justify or understand.

Because surely, even if you do not understand why someone FF, ite irelevant. Because they are still doing it

[JosiePosiePuddingAndPie]

TBH if the OP wanted some constructive advice posting on AIBU wasn't the best of ideas...maybe a post in relationships would have been more constructive and less ranty?

[PrincessYoni]

squoosh I am not really, I was just pleased with myself for coming up with a reply reasonably quickly (I am normally the type to think of it 24 hours later when the moment has passed).

Sorry for diverting OP!

[squoosh]

Fair enough, nothing more annoying than sitting bolt upright in bed 10 hours later with 'I know what I should have said to that cheeky cow'!

[differentnameforthis]

It's not about the pros/cons of bf v ff..

I believe people are reacting to the out dated ideas that the op holds towards ff, which we are entitled to do.

[differentnameforthis]

goady thread in my opinion posed to ignite the even more boring Bf v ff. massive massive yawn.

Absolutely agree...especially as the op has now posted re comfort/nutrition/sleep, and

He thinks bf makes children clingier as his children didn't care who cared for them etc whereas my children want me

Both my children want me, the bf one & the ff one. It had nothing to do with what they ate, it was about who nurtured & comforted them.

Sounds to me more like op is worried that if she ff, her dc will want their father & not her & that she will be obliged to feed them crisps & coke in bed!

My kids eat very well, good nutrition isn't only about what type of milk they get as babies.

[Fillyjonk75]

I think it depends very much the way he said it. Suggesting formula feeding might be easier all round is ok. INSISTING on formula feeding isn't on, as INSISTING on breast feeding isn't on either. It could be that he just wants to be more involved and make things easier for the OP and everyone all round. I don't think that is selfish, it's sensible.

I found formula feeding easier with DD2, after 3 months. I had fed DD1 myself for 7.5 months.

Also, it's best to be open minded, OP. You don't know whether you will actually be able to breastfeed this baby.

[parkin2010]

I think he might have a point........... sorry but everyone I know breastfeeding doesn't go out and all they talk about is babies, boobs and feeding. Doesn't bode well for an exciting relationship to me. Sorry to anyone who gets that balance right and can, I am sure there are plenty of people, just my experience.

[hettienne]

The OP doesn't hold outdated views about formula. We all know the risks/benefits of different feeding methods though so that isn't really the issue here.

The DH wants a 3rd baby but doesn't want it to interfere with his sex/social life too much (but also is unlikely to do much childcare). The OP is quite right to say she doesn't want to make a sacrifice in the baby's health just for this reason.

Sounds like they are both better off not having another child tbh.

[TheToysAreALIVEITellThee]

TBH I think you two have much bigger issues than this

It all just sounds a bit wrong to be sticking your tongue out and saying "No boob, no Kid" and he sounds even wronger to want you to FF so you can have sex ore often.

Its a child, not a bargaining tool

(and I have to say, you need to get the idea out of your head that BF is a magical tonic for illness free first years - I made that mistake and have been bitterly disappointed ever since and sometimes do wonder why TF I bothered!!)

[differentnameforthis]

The OP doesn't hold outdated views about formula

I disagree...when she says that it affects comfort/sleep ... that is out dated.

[Fillyjonk75]

Is it only dads who want a sex life and a night out once in a while?

Bugger me sideways if I was going to forgo that for any period whatsoever. BF doesn't mean an end to either of course. The mental health of the parent and the relationship, and the family as a whole are just as important as how you feed the child. It's a balance to be struck. Absolutes are never good.

[EhricLovesTeamQhuay]

Ugh he's horrible. Don't have another baby with him ever.

[DumSpiroSpero]

I'd rather spend more nights feeding a toddler and having an interrupted sex life than have nights up down the line with an ill child, potential financial issues due to extra days off etc.

I think that's a very 'gold plated' view of BF tbh. Of course it has it's advantages but there is no guarantee that doing so will armour-plate your DC against all future lurgies!

That said I absolutely agree that it is not up to your DH to dictate this condition to you. I'm all for parents making joint decisions but feeding should be your call alone.

[CreatureRetorts]

If the DH said he'd rather the OP breastfed because he had concerns about the welfare of child or mother then I'd react differently.
However he is thinking of his cock. Therefore he is a cock.

Being a parent means life changes. You make sacrifices and make room for a child in your life, you do not try and merrily continue as life did before. Otherwise why on earth have children?

[Hollibaloo]

I was always open that I wanted to bf for at least a year and never put an upper limit on it as it was quite abstract when pregnant as I didn't even know if I'd be able to breastfeed. I'm open to stopping at one but that's dependent on him helping out IMO - I'm not willing to do all feeds til one then stop leaving baby upset. I'd want him to do some bedtimes from the offset so baby didn't get used to feeding to sleep but I highly doubt he'd do that.

[Hollibaloo]

Oh and yes, he has actually literally said that the only thing that puts him off having another baby/that baby breastfeeding is the temporary reduction in our sex life.

[stopprocrastinating]

DH said something similar, as he thought a formula fed baby would sleep through easier, and it'd be easier to go out without baby. His sisters formula fed and used dummies, and apparently their babies were easier. I wouldn't agree to either. I compromise on lots but not this.

[stopprocrastinating]

I love breastfeeding by the way. Couldn't do things any different.

[Hollibaloo]

Yes every other couple we know ff and their babies slept through early on etc. Plus he thinks bf causes clinginess from 2 yo and vice versa from me to her but regardless of feeding method I just am not interested in leaving the kids to go out with his idiot friends and get drunk then feel crap and waste the following day. I think I'm getting old and boring

[ToysRLuv]

Your DH sounds like pretty a shit father (as well as husband). Why did you have children with him in the first place? It sounds like he sees them just as an evidence of his potency and fertility.